Wife Led Marriage (Full Version)

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KnightInWaiting -> Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 9:37:20 AM)

Hi everyone.
I'm just looking for some advice, I hope you can help or advise.
I'm a naturally submissive man and totally submissive husband in what I would consider to be a "Wife Led Marriage". That's to say that my wife is the boss of our household. She knows it, I know it. Her word is final, she controls our finances (including my salary) and I basically do as she says. Its a very nice setup and I'm happy and so is she.
The problem is that our relationship is totally vanilla. There is no kinky role-playing, etc. although I find it to be an immense turn on to serve my wife by way of stealth submission.
My question is how can I tell her that I enjoy being dominated by her and that I'd like her to realise that she holds this awesome power over me? I would like her to be a lifestyle domme so to speak but it seems really out of character for her to be one if I was to ask her, besides I'm too scared of her reaction if I bring up the subject.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 9:41:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting

Hi everyone.
I'm just looking for some advice, I hope you can help or advise.
I'm a naturally submissive man and totally submissive husband in what I would consider to be a "Wife Led Marriage". That's to say that my wife is the boss of our household. She knows it, I know it. Her word is final, she controls our finances (including my salary) and I basically do as she says. Its a very nice setup and I'm happy and so is she.
The problem is that our relationship is totally vanilla. There is no kinky role-playing, etc. although I find it to be an immense turn on to serve my wife by way of stealth submission.
My question is how can I tell her that I enjoy being dominated by her and that I'd like her to realise that she holds this awesome power over me? I would like her to be a lifestyle domme so to speak but it seems really out of character for her to be one if I was to ask her, besides I'm too scared of her reaction if I bring up the subject.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.


Wouldn't it be funny if she was thinking the same of you, but was afraid that you may reject the idea of submitting to her in the bedroom as you do all other areas in your life with her? One can never be sure what the other is thinking, unless they ask.

MoGa



KnightInWaiting -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 9:56:03 AM)

MistressOfGa thanks for your quick reply. Can I just ask you, if you imagine that you were a "vanilla wife" would you be totally freaked out, horrified, etc, etc. if your husband told you that he liked your dominant character and wanted to submit to you officialy in and out of the bedroom?

I keep running the conversation over and over in my mind but just can't see her reacting any other way than to think I'm a total weirdo!!



Dnomyar -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 9:57:59 AM)

Simple rent a movie with a dominating woman in it and ask her if she could be like that.  



KnightInWaiting -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:07:54 AM)

Dnomyar do you mean a regular movie featuring a dominant, powerful woman in the lead role or do you mean more of a porno cut straight to the chase type movie? Problem is my wife is not a very sexual person.



LordVelvet -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:21:21 AM)

Knight,
I won't go in to great detail here but I was in the reverse situation that you are in. It almost cost Me My marriage. she is now My submissive, and we have also brought on a slave. Had I never told her I wouldn't be with her and wouldn't be enjoying the life I have. My advise is to talk to her but prepared for the fact that she may say no. If you can't handle that then either don't tell her or leave if you aren't happy. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet



MistressOfGa -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:32:16 AM)

I wouldn't recommend porno. That may be too shocking for her. You want to start out with simple things, maybe have her smack your ass. You certainly dont want her to see a full scene with the male being tied up in some dungeon.


I would choose a movie that is R rated. Something that has a hint of dominance on the woman's part. I would suggest:

Indecent Proposal (Hot scene with Demi Moore and Michael Douglas)
Basic Instinct (Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas)

Both movies the women are very dominant to wards the men. Both sexually and emotionally.

If you don't like this idea, than maybe it is best to do what Lord Velvet said, just come right out and ask her.  

MoGa



AAkasha -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:45:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting

Dnomyar do you mean a regular movie featuring a dominant, powerful woman in the lead role or do you mean more of a porno cut straight to the chase type movie? Problem is my wife is not a very sexual person.


Bull Durham.  Light, playful -- Susan Sarandon starts controlling when "Nuke" is allowed to cum, and making him wear garters when he's pitching.  :)

Akasha



thetammyjo -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:48:18 AM)

The other possibility that you are in an unspecified femdom relationship all ready.

The reality is that most of us even in fully negotiated and agreed upon femdom dynamics look and act very very mundane the vast majority of time.

Why?

Cause life is mundane the vast majority of time.

If you want to add more explicit kink in sex, buy some furry cuffs and put them and ask her to tie them to your bed for you, wiggle you ass around and talk about how hot it would be for her to slap it.

But don't expect the majority of your life to become a scene cause that just won't happen.



DommeKimberly -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:50:09 AM)

I say just tell her.  Being totally honest with her will end up being the best thing for your marriage. If she is aready controlling the marriage then she is already dominate..just bring it to the bedroom now....



Reform -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:55:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting
Can I just ask you, if you imagine that you were a "vanilla wife" would you be totally freaked out, horrified, etc, etc. if your husband told you that he liked your dominant character and wanted to submit to you officialy in and out of the bedroom?

I keep running the conversation over and over in my mind but just can't see her reacting any other way than to think I'm a total weirdo!!


I'll admit I'm not married (yet), however I wanted to submit to my boyfriend in a similar way you want to submit to your wife. I slowly built up to the actual conversation with him. It really came out when we were trading fantasies. I started out with something more "normal" and built up from there as we kept swapping fantasies. Finally I said, "have you ever heard of BDSM? That always sounded pretty hot to me." He was a little surprised, but after a a little bit decided he liked the idea too, and we've been at it ever since.

The actual saying it out loud can be pretty scary. Start slowly, and then talk about it more. If she's interested, don't expect everything to click into place all at once. I think we've read like 6 books now, and still have list of at least 4 more. Toys (if that's your thing) come more slowly as some stuff can be costly, etc. It takes a lot of work, not only to admit it, but to get started.

Good luck!



LadyHathor -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 10:57:16 AM)

Buy the book, " A Different Loving" and place it, a red rose with thorns, and a padlock and key on the bed.  



LordVelvet -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 11:10:04 AM)

That was pretty hot, if I do say so.
LordVelvet



AAkasha -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 11:20:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting

Dnomyar do you mean a regular movie featuring a dominant, powerful woman in the lead role or do you mean more of a porno cut straight to the chase type movie? Problem is my wife is not a very sexual person.


I fear this might be a situation where the OP "fell" for a woman due to her commanding nature, her no-nonsense attitude, her confidence, her enjoyment of being in control, and maybe even a frisky, "bitchy" edge (perhaps).  This resonated with his kinky, submissive side, and all along he's been hoping there is a femdom deep down waiting to emerge...

In reality, if she's not even a very sexual person, she is probably not open minded, and probably not kinky. That's the sad reality. Hopefully, this is not true. 

The lesson for subs is this: Just because a woman is commanding and domineering and has that exterior does not mean she's going to take control in bed.  Being in control of her sex life and body just means she can say, "I ain't doing any of that kinky shit, so don't bring it up again."  End of story.

Hopefully, this is not the case with the OP.  I worry though when he says she's not a sexual person -- you can't create an intense, sexually charged femdom relationship without a good sex life as a foundation - meaning she enjoys sex, enjoys her body, and wants to experiment.  

Unless longterm chastity is your goal, of course.

Akasha



APhacetoSit -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 12:59:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting

MistressOfGa thanks for your quick reply. Can I just ask you, if you imagine that you were a "vanilla wife" would you be totally freaked out, horrified, etc, etc. if your husband told you that he liked your dominant character and wanted to submit to you officialy in and out of the bedroom?

I keep running the conversation over and over in my mind but just can't see her reacting any other way than to think I'm a total weirdo!!


Tread very VERY carefully.  my ex did not accept all of my kinks in the way that i had hoped and prayed that she would.  She truly appreciated some, but considered other aspects as JUST TOO STRANGE. 



MistressOfGa -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 1:38:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Buy the book, " A Different Loving" and place it, a red rose with thorns, and a padlock and key on the bed.  


Nice! You are such a hopeless romantic MH. Too bad there aren't enough hopeless romantic male subs out there.



rnox -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 2:47:15 PM)

I would say ease her into it. If you just go out and tell it then it might scare her and u might lose her. Do it very gradually. Start giving her foot/body massages. Carrying shopping bags when u are out. Opening the car door for her. Start taking care for the household work. Start giving her or asking her to take more and more control. If all this start working out , then one day if you do a mistake then ask her to slap/spank you or something like that, then ask her if she liked doing it, ask her if she want to do it everytime u make a mistake. I hope you get an idea, go slowly so that if she doesnt like it then you would know where to stop.



lickalot56 -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 4:14:49 PM)

I myself was in a very similar marriage and yes i love being controlled and dominated, we had been out for a drink and i whispered in her ear that i had a confession to make on returning home, knowing she would not stop until i made my confession of loving being dominated by her and longed to be her real slave, and yes she wanted to tell me me that she wanted mer as her slave but was svcared of rejection, we had 25 years together as M/s and i enjoyed evey second



TallDevoted1 -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 5:28:47 PM)

Consider giving your wife the book "Venus on Top".   Its essentially a guide book to female-led relationships (including in the bedroom),  but introduces a bit of kinkiness in a gentle manner that has less risk of turning her off than something that is more BDSM oriented.    She might surprise you!



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Wife Led Marriage (2/22/2008 5:44:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightInWaiting

I'm happy and so is she.
The problem is that our relationship is totally vanilla. There is no kinky role-playing, etc. although I find it to be an immense turn on to serve my wife by way of stealth submission.


Your relationship doesn't sound vanilla.  By mutual consent she is the boss.

I suspect that the way you have sex now is exactly the way she wants it.  If she wants to lie there and make you do all the work, thats very dominant.  If you only get sex when she initiates, that is too.

And you guys are happy!!!  Any idea how hard it is to be happily married?

But you have discovered the internet, haven't you? And it is saturated with BDSM porn showing all kinds of gorgeous models doing kinky things and websites like collarme where men seem to effortlessly find whip-cracking, latex clad Dominas.  Unfair, isn't it?

Suddenly the grass looks greener.  You want to change the good thing you already have to get more what?  Role Playing games? 

I warn you: trying to make your wife behave like a pro-domme and give you "scenes" might be the worst decison of your life.  Some fantasies are better off staying as fantasy.

So I would take a very, very subtle approach.

I would just her "Is there anything I can do to spice up our love life for you, darling?  You know I find you irresistable, but can I make you happier?  I want to be the best lover I can be, because I love you"

See where the conversation goes.  If she asks "what do you mean?" you can say things like "oh I read that after several years of marriage, most couples try new things like tying eachother up and spanking and different things like that.  Do you have any fantasies you would like us to try?".

Please don't drop the BDSM word.  Or Mistress.  Or Domination.  You know your wife and you know she will look at you like you just grew two heads.  And she might ban you from any more surfing of dirty BDSM websites - I would!!!

All marriages face the issue of how to keep your sex life fresh, so its no big deal if you ask subtley.  But she's the boss, remember.  Let her lead the change.



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