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Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 1:40:04 PM

PassionateNights

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Now i relaize that people take on submissives and slaves for a variety of reasons. i am on a quest to find my "one". Until i find her, i will continue to prepare for her. i take care of my body, because that is her future property. i develop as a person; spirtually, intellectually i am a whole person, fairly well read, creative and artistic. But beyond those things i have picked up skills in cooking (through classes), massage, dance.......i'm interested in hearing from you Mistress' out there...what would blow you away if your submissive/slave had skills in a specific area.

thank you

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 2:36:23 PM

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Just yesterday I received an email from a male, with whom I communicate regularly, asking me what "rings my bell". Reading your post brought that back to mind.

When he asked me that I realized that I had heard that before, but that no one had ever actually asked Me that question. Therefore I had to give that some thought, lol. One of the things that came to mind immediately, and is actually most important would involve communication.

I've been heard to say, that for a male to achieve any [intimate] closeness to me, he would first have to caress my mind. So I suppose it would "ring my bell" for a male to actually understand my language. Among other things.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 2:58:06 PM

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Passionate:

What a sensitive, considerate question to pose.

What would just blow me away. The following qualities and background, written in no particular order.

I'd do a wild dance, and take off the first veil, if I found a houseboy who could write a letter with metaphors -- creative language created for the specific letter.

I'd take off the second veil, if he were cultured -- having experienced all of the arts to give him a tasting menu alive with anecdotes.

The third veil comes off, if he is humerous, compassionate, has integrity, loyalty, and curiosity about all life offers.

Fourth, if he is well travelled and accustomed to just taking off (whenever there is a low fare you cannot resist). Plus, I'd be delerious if he spoke in edited sentences. Speech is such a sexual turnon.

Oh, and the fifth ability -- to be an artist, architect, and coutourier.

Ah, the sixth, the sixth must be of the senses. A passion to satisfy all the desires of Ma'am. It's a selfish and self-serving desire, but, hey.

The seventh veil comes off if he speaks Piedmontese, an Italian dialect.

Dear Passionate, if I found someone so quasi perfect, I woiuld never again utter a harsh word.

And you know that the moment this response to your question is published, I'll think of additional potentially indispensible qualities.

Let's just call this an unfinished tableau.

Ma'am

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 4:09:55 PM

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Hello,

If you put people on an ElectroEncephaloGraph, it has been shown that men watching pornography and women in deep conversations have the same brain patterns.

Just me, Not sure how I can be wrong, but I suppose I could be.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to italianalala)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 5:22:10 PM

PassionateNights

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i must say that i really, really appreciate the responses so far, without a tangible Mistress in front of me, it means a lot to be able to touch the mind set and thought process of the Mistress' out here....thank you and please keep it coming :)

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 6:04:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
If you put people on an ElectroEncephaloGraph, it has been shown that men watching pornography and women in deep conversations have the same brain patterns.

That's because you have not seen me watch porn! ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 7:05:39 PM

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quote:

That's because you have not seen me watch porn! ;)

- LA

If we ever get together to watch porn, who holds the handle end of the flogger?

This BDSM stuff is so confusing to me.

In all seriousness, the reason I posted that was actually for the information of the poster who posted the question of what a Domme would like to see. I am not a Domme, and this is just my opinion, but I suspect if you become well read, well travelled, well experienced, and become a sensational conversationalist, you will go far towards finding the one you seek.

Another skill which might be helpful is termed "active listening." You can probably find information about it on the web, but in a nutshell it is nodding at appropriate places in the conversation, asking for clarification of what the person speaking means during the conversation, and providing back to them what you think you heard when they are done speaking.

Too many posts I read from male submissives spend all their time talking about all the kinky sex they like and the play they do, etc., and almost nothing about who they are as a person. That approach speaks to how men want to be lured in, in my opinion, but I suspect it does almost nothing for most women. So by posting what I posted I was trying to indicate that women tend to be more turned on and interested in a man by having conversations and intellectual discourse than they are by reading about or watching people have sex, bdsm, etc.

I apologize if I was not more clear.

Enjoy Y/your evenings,

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 8:29:30 PM

Laura

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From: Ontario, Canada
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Communication and other standard answers. But, honestly, I'd be blown away if a guy knew how to sew. Including mending and hemming clothes. I enjoy sewing, embroidery and such myself. I would be impressed if a guy could at least hem his own pants.

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 8:57:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Communication and other standard answers. But, honestly, I'd be blown away if a guy knew how to sew. Including mending and hemming clothes. I enjoy sewing, embroidery and such myself. I would be impressed if a guy could at least hem his own pants.

<looks around, quietly, to make sure none of the other Dominant men are here to read this... scribble a little note on a napkin and leaves it on the board...>

Four years in the Marines meant four years of -constnatly- fixing hems, sewing chevrons, holes in socks, ironing, and every other imaginable alteration needed to look like a million dollars in a uniform Uncle Sam paid 18 dollars for (and charged you 70 out of your pay check.)

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Laura)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 11:13:54 PM

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What really perks up my interests are males that listen, that sounds so simple, but it truly isn't a quality of most males, submissive, slave or vanilla. All the learned talents and education in the world cannot make up for a lack of active listening. By this I do not mean that if I say "massage my feet" and you do it. It means to understand and interact to please the Domme. Also that you the male counterpart, feels the thrill of truly feeling and accepting the communication. The other thing is honesty, that can't be learned, bought or borrowed. You either are an honest, open person or you are not. It is the most important thing a male can bring to me. Tess

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~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/13/2004 11:22:57 PM

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From: Dallas
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I would love to have a sub who knows how to do a really good pedicure. One just like I get at the salon. I would much rather spend the time it takes to get my toes done with my sub. A good manicure would not be bad, either.

Also have the creativity to come up with new and exciting toys for us to make together. I am a pretty creative person and want that in a sub.

Oh goodness this list could get long....

Ms Hill

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 9:29:27 AM

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quote:

<looks around, quietly, to make sure none of the other Dominant men are here to read this...

not just the marines, brother, but any branch of service (ex navy here) nothing not manly in that

and I had spent many a quiet evening with my last sub, both of us working on our cross stitch/needlepoint projects (smiling fondly at the memory) - and I dont see anything not manly in this either

Apply usual caveats here

< Message edited by Thanatosian -- 7/14/2004 9:30:46 AM >

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Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

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RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 9:41:53 AM

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*looks up from sewing up his mugger armor and clears his throat*

Men dont sew or do silly women's work.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Thanatosian)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 9:45:07 AM

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I posted this reply in the "General BDSM" category too, but seeing it in both places lead me to believe it was moved. Anyway....sorry for being redundant.

These are a few of the qualities that make some boys stand out amongst others. A lot goes into weighing potential life partners (moreso than play partners). Along with things like honesty, integrity, lack of psyche or criminal history I look for the following characteristics in a boy:

Self confidence: A boy who knows he has value....to me and to others. He is comfortable with himself, his submission and his life. One who submits from a position of strength and not from weakness or irresponsibility.

Manners: A boy that opens doors, says "thank you", walks on the side of me closest to traffic, etc. He can conduct himself in social situations, events (as well as personally) in such a way I am proud to be with him. These are small details that speak loudly.

Sense of humor: I like to laugh and I enjoy someone that can laugh with me.....sometimes at me and at themselves. I enjoy a boy with a fast mind and quick wit who doesn't take himself or life too seriously.

Initiative: Boys that take initiative in finding ways to please me .... without direct orders .....scores big points with me. I love boys who act like "elves in the background" somehow making things run better .... my life easier.

Partnership: Boys that are overly interested in what they want to get from me.....or are too focussed on me (expressing no needs of their own), are equally undesireable. I enjoy a boy that desires to be a partner in life....not just the Dungeon or bedroom.

Now....if he is also attractive, financially sound, emotionally stable, non-addicted, SINGLE.......and he can cook, give a pedicure and share sexual chemistry....woooohoooo! I am in heaven!

Ms Sandi
PS Posted from Heaven....cuz I found mine!

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 10:56:30 AM

PassionateNights

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First off let me appologize for having posted this in two places...although i must say that the response in this forum speaks volumes.
i found it most amusing that pedicures were listed as i have just begun looking around for an evening cosmetology class so that i could give proper manicures and pedicures. it does not look like it takes a great deal of equipment to take the service to an entire new level. Add in a large selection of polishes matched to her colors and viola, another service for Mistress to enjoy and perhaps a smile that can be coaxed out of her after a long day. (glass of champagne, a few hordevoures and a pedicure).

i must admit that i posted this to begin a list of skills that i can learn. i think that much of what has been listed though is not something that can be taught....a sense of humor?

i do think that it is imperitive for a submissive to listen, more to the silence than to the words, to observe as well. To store away those little gems of information, to be brought out later. How does she relax? a glass of wine? a pot of tea? what is her comfort foods? What music does she like? Are they playing locally?

i think that so many submissives are just that submissive in all things unable to be proactive, they wait for directions...that in my opinion is tiresome to a dominant. i think a submissive needs to be proactive...hey surprise your dominant with a picnic in the park.....or tickets to a play and candle lit bath.....she is quite capable of telling you no she's not in the mood....but either way she will probably appreciate the effort and if you've listened well enough and honed those skills....i think you'll make her smile and perhaps pleasantly surprise her.

One of the hardest parts of these Power Exchange relationships is that you need to find all the things that Vanilla folks need to make a relationship work AND they need to be "wired" in a Power exchange/sexual orientation...

certainly being submissive is not a substitute for being a complete and whole person...being able to recite poetry from memory..have meaningful discussions, intellectually stimulate your domme (let's face it most Dommes are VERY intelligent women)...it's just a hard thing to find...but magical when it does happen

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 12:12:48 PM

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I've spent a number of years recently just bettering myself in being a better person. There are many branches to this tree, but I realized at one point, even though I was attracting women who were dominant, I never felt comfortable with what I was bringing to the relationship.

So, my response has been to just move myself away from the scene and work on myself. I'm still in the process of continuing this methodology, but the weird thing that has happened is that I don't find myself all that concerned with actually finding anyone anymore. I know I am a lifestyle submissive, and I have lived years in slave relationships, but as I came to know myself more and more, I've found I really like myself, and it makes it somewhat interesting because where I would have jumped at any chance to become someone's slave, I don't even look that hard anymore. It actually took a breath of air in the local scene for me to realize that I have changed.

The funny thing is: I know I make a great submissive, and I understand a lot of the complications that I need to face to smooth out such a relationship. But now that I have worked on myself, I find myself looking for someone who probably doesn't exist (no, this isn't a complaint, but a realization), so I pretty much have to focus on me alone.

Duane Gundrum
[email protected]
http://www.sarbonn.com/fetish.htm
for information about duane, the submissive

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 12:37:49 PM

PassionateNights

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interesting Sarbonn.....

it reminds me of a quote i recently heard...and will paraphrase for lack of reference material here...

"it is important to learn how to accept rejection and when to reject acceptance"

i too am fully capable of finding "A Mistress"....but to find "The One" is another thing....and the quest of a lifetime...and once i find her...to rediscover her daily

(in reply to sarbonn)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 12:54:55 PM

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Well, good luck to you.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to PassionateNights)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 4:12:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

That's because you have not seen me watch porn! ;)
- LA

If we ever get together to watch porn, who holds the handle end of the flogger?

You can hold it. But you aren't going to get to use it!

quote:

In all seriousness, the reason I posted that was actually for the information of the poster who posted the question of what a Domme would like to see. I am not a Domme, and this is just my opinion, but I suspect if you become well read, well travelled, well experienced, and become a sensational conversationalist, you will go far towards finding the one you seek.

You are 100% right. I was simply being cheeky as I've been know to be.

I would say that first and foremost, I prefer submissive men (and women) who have their own life and thing going on. Though I quite enjoy the adoration a sub, I do not want to be held up on a pedestal or be the centre of one's universe.

On this note, I have to tell you that moments ago, I received the most lovely letter from a male submissive. It was gracious and well written, sane and articulate. (On a side note, being articulate is a very big plus with me.)

I post you an excerpt: "Your ad struck me and seemed to portray someone who is articulate, very conscious of what your needs are, and most of all, an integral picture of what a desirable (and I don't mean straight sexual) mistress would be like to me."

And the other 5 paragraph are just as well written. Now ladies, how lovely is that?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: Skills of a male submissive slave?? - 7/14/2004 6:18:43 PM

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I know what I'd bring, but don't know what every woman would want. If you have a weakness that THE ONE requires she will tell you and you can adress it then instead of guessing. Until then I'd suggest becoming the best at what you do, whatever you do. (I assume you like what you do and do what you like.

) Be honest with yourself and hopefully THE ONE will like the same things you like and you'll meet her there.

Of course, if you meet THE ONE and she has a sister...

.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to PassionateNights)

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