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How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 6:07:48 AM

yesses4u

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

HI,

Now that I am working on the, "Okay you know what? you may be overweight but you would be a great sub/slave for any Dom>" And honestly, this is no BS, after reading this part of the forum and other parts I honestly believe that. Sure, I still have to work on the "OH God he is going to see me naked" thing, but I can do that!!! And from what I have read here, and I am so thankful I found this website above all the others, the right Dom will know how to make me believe this even more and actually won't let me not be naked, sooooo GET OVER IT BETH!!!!

Okay so now what do I do? I also know that this is an insane world and I have seen and been approached by man wannabe Masters/Doms that are only in it to inflict pain, not caring about me or the pleausre is only for him. So that isn't what I want.

Maybe if I explain here, out loud what it is I want, I can define it best for you and me.

I am not sure if I am seeking total domination in my whole life, mostly because I don't understand all about BDSM, no do I expect myself to yet.

I am a very strong-willed person in almost all aspects of my life. Sex life doesn't realy count because it is non-existent and until I started researching BDSM I started to realize why. Even when I was married is was just sex and there is so much more to sex, the mind in play in sex is an awesome thing to waste. I have a fantastic fantasy mind and some day will tell why.

I want to feel the anticipation of waiting for what comes next, I want the feeling of pleausre from pain, I want to be taken, used but cared for. I want to know that no matter what transpires it is because I am loved and cherished. I love the idea of being owned, but owned and cherished, not owned and abused. I want the balance between the two. I have to admit that the restraints, the spanking, the nipple play, the anal play (Virgin territory here) is all part of what I want. I don't want to have someone pee in my mouth or poop on me, and I DO NOT WANT my dogs licking my pussy, yuckl!!! BUT I don't know any other limits yet. I don't want safe words, because I want to know the Master/Dom I have knows me and I know I can trust him.

Anyway does any of this make sense?

Beth

PS I feel like I have come home, thank you all

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 6:35:03 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Beth, believe me, they will come to you once they see your thread here. My advice would only be to communicate for a long enough time to get to know the Dom on the other end, prior to meeting. Come to an understanding of the minds. Do, be careful, as there are those Dominants that you described in your thread that may try to fool you.
In the end, you will have to trust your own instincts.
Best of luck! Kevin

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 6:43:31 AM

yesses4u

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

Thank you very much for your reply Kevin, it was nice to hear that!! I plan on talking for awhile and getting to know him very well. I believe that this is the turning point of my life, and I am not going into it lightly.

Thanks again,

Beth

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She looks around the corner, you know the one, the life she has always known, she sees something that catches her eye, her mind, her soul and she begins to walk towards it...

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 6:52:43 AM

Aquariansub

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

All relationships are different in alot of ways depending on dislikes and likes....one thing I have learnt is to listen to what your "gut feelings" are telling you...if there is some doubt, ask about it. You dont have to give up your independance to be submissive...its your gift to give to one who is worthy!

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 8:07:58 PM

younginaz

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

YES! I know exactly how you feel. I am new to the bdsm community and am worried that I'll stumble into someone very sadistic. I've always had fantasies of being dominated, but I also want someone who cares about my pleasure. I'm eager to meet someone but worried at the same time. Ahhh!

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/18/2005 8:49:07 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: younginaz

YES! I know exactly how you feel. I am new to the bdsm community and am worried that I'll stumble into someone very sadistic. I've always had fantasies of being dominated, but I also want someone who cares about my pleasure. I'm eager to meet someone but worried at the same time. Ahhh!

As about the potential dom's habits and previous relationships at groups and munches. Previous partners are also a good source of information.

It also doesn't hurt just to ask the dom "what do you like to do?"

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/19/2005 6:54:43 AM

ChereeAmoor

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Okay, starting from the top!

#1 - there is nothing wrong with being overweight. I had a girlfriend who was maybe 96 pounds and had zero muscle tone. Her body fit into size 5 clothing, true, but out of clothing, she looked like someone had carelessly hung meat onto bones.

#2 - not wanting total domination is fine. I am certain nobody here would disagree with what works for you beiong best for you.

#3 - being strong-willed and having a mind stuffed full of fantasies seems to be a great reason to celebrate!

#4 - Owned and cherished IS really truly possible. My Masters think of themselves as gentle Doms, which is wonderful for me.

#5 - your hard limits are just that. I am positive someone here knows a website where you can look at a checklist of things and rate them accordingly. Some of the things like armpit sex made me laugh out loud, but others had me saying hhhmmmm.....and the rating is simple, 1 to 5 in terms of turn-on, with 0 being Don't Even Go There, so to speak.

#6 - nothing wrong with a safe word. We have been married and playing happily together for YEARS, there is no lack of trust, but sometimes there needs to be a very quick and simple communication for various reasons.

Best of luck!!

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/19/2005 7:39:55 AM

worshipmoons

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/16/2005
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I meet in a very public place.and ask excatly that "what do you like to do" somethings i dont enjoy I want to know before wasting toomuch of my time...or falling into someone who is too sadistic....also I would advise having a call partner..

my 2 cents
pamela

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/19/2005 9:52:23 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My advice is very similar to what others said. When i met my late Master we talked for a long time and i asked him what do you like to do? he told me and i told him one thing he said was a deal breaker so he said ok we will not do that. Talk and tell him your limits. if he does not respect them then walk away.

littleone

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/19/2005 12:19:38 PM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hi Beth,
My advice is to trust your gut instincts. If it feels wrong to you it probably is.
I'd also recommend you using green -full go yellow- slow down and red- stop as safe words in scenes at least till a Dom and you know each other fully enough for you to lay your life in his hands fully. Safe words are not a sign of weakness, but rather helps you and the Dom you're playing with know your limits and where you are that second. It's better than them having to read your mind.
I'd also advise before you play with a potential suitor make him show you his drivers license and call a girlfriend (or at least pretend you did) and give her the information. I had a deal where I'd only play with a new Dom at the address on his license to be sure 1-he wasn't going to kill me and no one would know who I was with, and 2- that he wasn't married and cheating.
I also have something called a safe call I do when I play in private. I call my Best Friend or my Master in front of my date and give them the address where I am & let them know if I don't call back by X amount of time to call the cops and tell them I'm in trouble and where I am. If you don't have anyone you can call just pretend you are doing it anyway. Dom's with ill intentions will know to behave as others know where you are. I think it protects you a lot from bad things happening to you.
I think you should set up a list called a hard limit list with things like no animal contact that you'd share with anyone you play with.
I'd also recommend reading Different Loving. It was the best book to help me figure out what I was involved in when I was brand new too.
Then when you find someone in collar me you've decided to meet face to face meet him in a public place, park about 4 blocks away, don't play on a first date, and don't let him walk you to your car the first date. After that you'll be able to go home, think about the date and decide where he fits in from there.
I wish you luck,
sub suzanne

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RE: How to search for a Dom? Tips... - 9/21/2005 9:03:15 PM

BBWsub1960

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for this information. I too am searching being a complete virgin to this lifestyle. The more I read here the more I become more comfortable with my decision to wait and not settle for just anyone. Because I believe once I am comfortable with a person I am more open and will be willing to pursue it further.

Thank you again

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