Evanesce
Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
My thoughts in regards to a D/s relationship....
1. A relationship is between a man and woman, not between..well say, for example, between a sadist and masochist.
2. D/s, M/s is not just bdsm type of play 24/7, but a psychological dynamic of control and obedience.
3. The appearance to an outsider might be vanilla..a couple who presents vanilla.
4. Within the relationship dynamic there is always a sense of one dominating and one submitting.
5. Each have there own interests and both have there own friends and also shared interests and mutually shared friends.
So my question is... what the fuck happened? What are you expectations of the dom when you enter into a relationship? Would you walk out if he was, in your opinion, too vanilla? Do your thoughts on a relationship echo mine?
Yes and no. Personally, I don't think #5 is a required element for all relationships.
A BDSM, M/s, D/s relationship is only as good as the people building it. If one or the other is lazy, the relationship will suffer. If one or the other enters the relationship with unvoiced expectations, the relationship will suffer. If neither party takes the time to get to know who that person is that they're so hot to serve or own, the relationship will suffer.
As for what happened in the scenarios presented, I would say what happened was that neither party bothered to communicate their needs and desires for the success of the relationship. The "submissive" obviously wanted the "dom" to take a much more actively dominant role. The "dom" either did not want, or did not know how, to do this. Thus, the relationship self destructed.
I've heard this type of complaint more times than I can count, and I always offer the same advice: Know who YOU are and what YOU want before you go looking for Sir Right Dom or Miss Right Sub (or any combination thereof). If you don't know what you're looking for and can't effectively convey those needs to someone else, you're doomed to failure. If you DO know what you're looking for and set those needs aside in favor of a warm body to cuddle up to, don't be surprised when you suddenly realize that this person doesn't meet your needs. But if you pay attention to your needs, wants and desires, and communicate these things to prospective partners, your chances of success increase exponentially.
Every one of us is responsible for the success and/or failure of our relationships.
Personally, when I meet someone, my expectations are fairly simple. I expect them to be who they present themselves to be. I expect them to put as much effort into maintaining the relationship as I do. I expect them to keep their word. And I expect them to pay as much attention to my needs as I do theirs.
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RE: ...on relationships - 
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