RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (Full Version)

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laurell3 -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 2:59:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goatmilkfriend

You are very understanding. I would just like to mention that the typical aspects of abuse that i deall with and the dynamics of them (like low self-esteem) are things i can and do identify for what they are, but i have been confused since integrating BDSM. That is, it makes me feel like it could be my fault. However, i am pleased to find a so-far unanmouse vote against the idea that one has anything to do with the other. Thats really why i'm here, not 2 ask 4 ppls judjment opinion on wheather or not i should leave him. That is the simlpe and apparent part that takes no contemplation. I just needed some clarification so i could stop feeling responsible. However, i have yet to get a fellow sub's perspective.
-Thanx a bunch


The answer is it has nothing to do with BDSM or d/s.  You are seeking to be unhealthy and you need to get therapy to figure out why and stop looking for someone to treat you badly.  You don't have to be a victim to be in a d/s relationship and even your posts here are playing the martyr/victim role.  Get help.  Stop dating and work on you.  We can't tell you why you feel what you feel, however, the fact that you feel that way and want to find abusive situations and then blame yourself for them suggests you need to walk away from any relationships right now and do some serious work on you and establishing boundaries, self-esteem or whatever else the case may be.  There are plenty of people that engage in d/s and/or bdsm for the wrong reasons, stop being one of them.



goatmilkfriend -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 3:25:35 PM)

Ur awesome SassySarijane. Thanx



goatmilkfriend -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 3:35:55 PM)

I really know what i have to do however contradictory a request for a group concencus may be.  I actually asked something specific in regards to feeling responsible for the incident. i needed to know that i did not owe him anything like moral support in his treatment (or whatever he will have to do after sentenceing) from bringing this Battery matter upon myself. I needed to be told that i did not bring it upon myself and that i can have my sexual kinks in a non-violent satifying relationship, which has also been confirmed unanamously.
thanx



goatmilkfriend -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 3:53:35 PM)

branbran,
I fuken feel u chik (tear tear). Thanx. ur smart as hell.



Emperor1956 -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 4:04:36 PM)

To the OP:   You received a lot of good advice.  I think the best was from LaTigress, in suggesting that you stay out of all romantic and sexual relationships for a while as you recover.

One thing that struck me -- you say over and over that he was the first man to give you an orgasm, and you say it like you owe him something for that.  You don't.  It is a physiological response, and can probably be duplicated by most of those who posted on here, and certainly can be duplicated with mechanical assistance.  You owe him nothing for that "gift", and you can and will duplicate it with other partners.  Good luck, miss.

E.



SassySarijane -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 7:26:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goatmilkfriend

Ur awesome SassySarijane. Thanx


You're welcome and thank you in return. I'm also going to add my own echo to those who've said to wait awhile before getting involved in a relationship and work on you. Any relationship you get into now or soon will be a rebound and could turn out to be like the one you just got out of or worse even.

Learn the lessons of this relationship and take time to heal and find you as an individual before jumping into you as part of a couple again. I learned finally and found me, the individual, though I made the mistake of the rebound thing, fear of being alone relationship-wise, first. Now I'm finding what fits me, fulfills me and when I'm ready and meet someone who fits me, I'll get into a relationship again.



hiswetness -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 7:53:58 PM)

i have been in an abusive BDSM relationship.  i am now with a wonderful Daddy/Master.  When it feels bad..it is.  There is nothing wrong with you, other than the choices you are making.  That is something you can change.  A good Dom controls himself and the situation.  They do not punish out of anger or without regard for you and your safety.  They do not blame you for their lack of self control.  i am a sadist...i like pain and humiliation.  But i never feel bad or ashamed after a session with my Master...i feel loved and safe.  i cannot wait for the next session.  i do not fear him.  This is how it should be. 



BoundDown -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 7:59:53 PM)

The fact you consent to this relationship is a good sign that this isn't a wrong situation, unless you are not to be trust in determining that this is a good thing, like suffering from battered womans or stockholm syndrome. But that is an idea I toy around with from time to time already

but I just started reading so maybe I am wrong.



alwaysuna -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 8:08:59 PM)

Very short and sweet:

If he is in jail, he has bad judgement.

If he has bad judgement do NOT give him control of your safety and stability.

GET OUT



lux221 -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/24/2008 11:09:14 PM)

-fast reply-

Abuse is not consenual and is never desereved. Drop him like a hot rock, get some therapy, and work on finding a partner that isn't abusive.



xxblushesxx -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/25/2008 10:47:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hiswetness
i am a sadist...i like pain and humiliation.  But i never feel bad or ashamed after a session with my Master...i feel loved and safe.  i cannot wait for the next session.  i do not fear him.  This is how it should be. 


Uhm...masochist?



hiswetness -> RE: My master has gotten in the habbit of crossing established, non-sexual boundaries... (2/26/2008 3:37:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hiswetness
i am a sadist...i like pain and humiliation.  But i never feel bad or ashamed after a session with my Master...i feel loved and safe.  i cannot wait for the next session.  i do not fear him.  This is how it should be. 



Uhm...masochist?



uhmmmm....both...i like to give and get....i have switched....i much prefer being on the receiving end.  



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