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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 9:23:10 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
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This is definitely not the norm. The norm is to lie about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yesses4u

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 9:35:27 PM

Evanesce

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OK, I'm REALLY gonna try not to ask how one gets arrested at an adult store and pay attention to the real issue at hand.

quote:

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

I haven't seemed to read any of your posts that sound like this is? Is the Chat Room not the best place to meet and get to know someone?

I have had some of them say first thing off the tip of the fingers "I will be your Master and you will do as I say" or "Do you have any bondage pics?" I am thinking they don't read profiles or they would no I haven't even had a Master yet, LOL

First, although it seems that way, married men are NOT the norm. Not really. What DOES seem to be the norm (for the Internet, anyway), is the mistaken belief that submissive equals A) stupid, or B) easy sex. The guys who demand instant obedience and naked pics obviously suffer from this belief. (That, or when they figure out they're not getting anywhere, they'll switch sides and beg to sit at your feet.) However, once they figure out you're neither stupid nor easy, they'll pretty much leave you alone.

As for chat rooms... I'd have to say they are the WORST place to meet people. I've seen more posing, posturing and pretending in chatrooms than I can shake a stick at! And it's not coming from just the dominants! The "submissives" are just as bad! Of course, I also cannot stand the "scening" that goes on in some rooms. Some of the stuff they say they're doing - if done in real life - would maim or kill someone.

I can't say they're ALL bad, though. I've made a few really good friends in chatrooms. But they didn't STAY chatroom buddies. We've met in person and spent a great deal of time in each other's homes. I also cannot say the Internet is a bad place to meet Sir Right Dom, because my Master found me via my Internet personal ad on another BDSM site several years ago. But we both waded through a sea of wankers for several years before our paths crossed. All I can say is... It was worth the wait!

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 11:04:10 PM

yesses4u

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Joined: 9/16/2005
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oh no, I really didn't get arrested, I was being facetious that he would think I would do what he asked me to do, which I probably could have gotten arrested for, but not sure at an adult store I would have, LOL

sorry for that!!

beth

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 5:21:13 AM

worshipmoons

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: comesoncommand

i hear from many submissives that many "Dominants" are married or cheating. i'm sure that is extremely frustrating when looking for a true Dominant to submit to. i'm always amazed that a real Dominant would stay married to someone who wasn't making them happy. my Master is naturally very Dominant, and very honest. i hear sometimes the married man's excuse is that he doesn't want to hurt his wife, or can't leave her for some reason or another. But, it seems a real man who is dominant enough to accept a true submissive's submission would be dominant enough to release a relationship he was unhappy with.

-c

****claps hands excitedly***

I agree!!!

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 6:22:55 AM

realophelia

Posts: 168
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quote:

i hear from many submissives that many "Dominants" are married or cheating. i'm sure that is extremely frustrating when looking for a true Dominant to submit to. i'm always amazed that a real Dominant would stay married to someone who wasn't making them happy. my Master is naturally very Dominant, and very honest. i hear sometimes the married man's excuse is that he doesn't want to hurt his wife, or can't leave her for some reason or another. But, it seems a real man who is dominant enough to accept a true submissive's submission would be dominant enough to release a relationship he was unhappy with.

Just wanted to mention that not all married men fall into this category. My Master is married. He and his wife appear to have a good relationship and to make each other happy on a lot of levels. They are both Dom however so a D/s relationship between the two of them is out of the question.

I also have a Dom friend whose wife has some very serious, very long term medical problems. He sees other people without her knowledge. He will always be married. He will also probably also always have or be interested in having a sub. I know he is meeting his own needs this way but I do understand why he stays with his wife.

I also realize that for every situation like the above there are many more which are completely opportunistic.

Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 9/22/2005 7:01:27 AM >

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 6:44:07 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: comesoncommand

i'm always amazed that a real Dominant would stay married to someone who wasn't making them happy. my Master is naturally very Dominant, and very honest. i hear sometimes the married man's excuse is that he doesn't want to hurt his wife, or can't leave her for some reason or another. But, it seems a real man who is dominant enough to accept a true submissive's submission would be dominant enough to release a relationship he was unhappy with.

-c

Hello There,
As I've said before I play with men who are attached. I think some of them honestly love their spouses. Some of them found their kink long after they were married, others married with her knowledge he had that side in him and had accepted it before they were wed. I even have friends who bring their vanilla wifes to the dungeon with them as they want her to meet their friends. Some of the ones who's wives sit at home without knowledge are very ill. Would you think it's OK for a husband to just dump his vanilla wife with cancer because he wants to be kinky? I'd also like you to consider even tought a lot of vanilla society considers men and women equal 9 out of 10 times the woman get s the kids. Lot's of cheating Dom's stay as they want to be in their childrens day to day lives and they would be barred from that if they left.
I say don't judge a book by it's cover. I'd also like to say to categorize all cheating men in one pot is not fair. Some have in my opinion valid reasons for their positions.
I don't like anyone lying to me so I do feel bad for the women who sit at home and have a liar for a spouse, but I think to say all of them are asses isn't true.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

< Message edited by plantlady64 -- 9/22/2005 6:45:42 AM >

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 1:06:38 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

Some of the ones who's wives sit at home without knowledge are very ill. Would you think it's OK for a husband to just dump his vanilla wife with cancer because he wants to be kinky? Lot's of cheating Dom's stay as they want to be in their childrens day to day lives and they would be barred from that if they left.

I had this actual experience from a man that lied about being married until directly confronted. While I never would have suggested dumping his sick wife I have the rather crazy idea that he should be WITH his dying wife crawling for her needs & not mine. As for the I would lose the children thing...they never seem to be worried about the kids while they are on their knees asking how they can please.

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 2:49:33 PM

Lordandmaster

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Well, to be frank, I think you're too young to know some of the possible situations (though you're not too young to imagine them). People have children. They have incapacitated spouses. Some people even have to be married for legal reasons. If a married dom isn't for you, that's certainly a reasonable choice, but the statement that a "real man who is dominant" should be able to rid himself of his marriage doesn't reflect very much real-world experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: comesoncommand

i'm always amazed that a real Dominant would stay married to someone who wasn't making them happy. my Master is naturally very Dominant, and very honest. i hear sometimes the married man's excuse is that he doesn't want to hurt his wife, or can't leave her for some reason or another. But, it seems a real man who is dominant enough to accept a true submissive's submission would be dominant enough to release a relationship he was unhappy with.

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RE: Is this the norm? - 9/22/2005 4:37:49 PM

HentaiGamerKitty

Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
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The subject of married men in general is a touchy one...

I've been in a vanilla relationship with a married man and I completely understand why he did it. Not all cheaters are scumbags. Some of them have very valid reasons for not getting out of the existing relationships. I think some men are poly at heart and fall in love with women who aren't..I know the man I had a relationship would have gladly kept both of us if his wife would have gone for it...He loved her very, very, much and he also loved me very much. Its not impossible.

Overall, I say don't judge people until you've walked in their shoes.

< Message edited by HentaiGamerKitty -- 9/22/2005 4:38:19 PM >

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