Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Cum control... or not ?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Cum control... or not ? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 7:15:06 AM   
eslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/26/2004
Status: offline 		Good day A/all !

Now, call it the "submissive blues", or something like that. i feel that i'm being the most submissive, the most pleasing, *before* i'm allowed to cum (if i'm allowed, anyway, but that's another story !). And i don't like the implications of that thought.
It sure does make sense from the point of view of the male (we're just animals, huh ? ;) ), and it does also give a huge, easy to use, power to the Dominant since She can leverage this at will to make me crawl at Her pace.
But is this real submissiveness ? Of course, after i have been allowed to cum, i am still servant. But that's on a more intellectual level, that's because i have pride in the word given and i want my Lady to be happy with my service at anytime. But that urge to kneel and crawl, that eargness to please, those shivers at the sole idea of her finger pointed at Her boots or the rush at the feeling of a thug to my leash, all this is damped out, farther away than i would like it to be. For a time, of course, but still... i'd like to be a better servant all the time, not just before i'm allowed to cum somehow.

Maybe this is a non-issue, but i would like the opinion of the Dominant Ladies of this place. Do They too have to cope with this (and how, or do They just admit it and make do with it ?). And what about my other fellow sub males ? Is this the same for you too ? i've not served alongside with enough of you to have had the chance to discuss this.

Thank Y/you for your time and insights !

eslave.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 7:25:26 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Some Dominats find orgasem control so mutch more a stronger way to control a man or a woman than whips. And if it is submissiveness, sure it is, you are alowing it to happen, legaly, and most likely physicaly, you can just get up and leve and then have as many orgasems as you like, that you stay and let her control you like that, that is submissiveness.

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 10:23:25 AM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Are you a “real” submissive because your top has more control over you before ejaculation than after ejaculation?

It is most people’s nature to be a little more “friendly” and “docile” pre-ejaculation. I believe it is called courting, and is an age old tradition. Without this biological response, the human population might be a little smaller than it is today. Anyway, tag motivation as being submissive if you like.

As to “real”, why should you care what anyone thinks but the women you are with if it is a real submissive quality? The down fall of many men is looking over their shoulder at another woman than the one in front of you.

The nuts n bolts of your level of submissiveness will most likely be the same. The intensity, which is what I think you are referring to is going to fluctuate. That is a normal response, after all, you are not a robot. If you are, tell me the make, model and where to purchase. <<big grin>>.


_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 11:48:55 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i feel that i'm being the most submissive, the most pleasing, *before* i'm allowed to cum. And i don't like the implications of that thought.
It sure does make sense from the point of view of the male (we're just animals, huh ? ;) ), and it does also give a huge, easy to use, power to the Dominant since She can leverage this at will to make me crawl at Her pace. But is this real submissiveness ?
Of course, after i have been allowed to cum, i am still servant.
I wish this was a rare, in my albeit limited experience, it is not. The important thing is "is this real submissiveness?" To me it is as long as you are continuing to submit (before and after cumming), whether from an innate place or from a conscious decision to submit.

I agree that orgasm denial and control are good tools, but that kind of manipulation doesn't bring me much joy since I sometimes enjoy watching him lose his composure and just cum. The other thing I prefer is submission despite a need to cum, because Submission/service to me because it's what fullfills him.

quote:

i'd like to be a better servant all the time, not just before i'm allowed to cum somehow.
Maybe this is a non-issue, but i would like the opinion of the Dominant Ladies of this place.
Wanting to be a better servant all the time will lead you to become a better servant all the time if you are with a person you respect, derive pleasure from serving another, and if you submit to her as she needs/wants.
It is an issue, and IMO the reason many single dominant women are single (that a huge number of so called submissives *not implying you* because they are just looking for kinky top to help them cum instead of submitting). M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 12:48:50 PM   
eslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thank You, MadamS, for fueling my reflexion ! Indeed, when i was stating that it might be a non-issue, i meant that the only thing that really matters is if my Lady is happy with my service (after all, Her service is the objective and my orgasm a mere by-product of it). But i was afraid i could be "cheating myself", and so doomed to a sour awakening, if i only felt that urge to crawl *before* coming. But as Madam PetTeacher put it, this could also very well be a natural response as all living things in that world usually fluctuate. Yes, i think even us mal subs are organic ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetTeacher
The nuts n bolts of your level of submissiveness will most likely be the same. The intensity, which is what I think you are referring to is going to fluctuate.

*Intensity* ! Thank You, that was the word i was looking for. English is not my primary language and i often fail to properly convey my thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetTeacher
That is a normal response, after all, you are not a robot. If you are, tell me the make, model and where to purchase. <<big grin>>.

Well, even though i did list "Objectification" as an interest, i don't think i'm ready to drink motor oil :) i guess that prevent me from being a robot indeed. Although i tend to emit funny noises and exhibit robotic stiffness while walking after a long bondage scene :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
The other thing I prefer is submission despite a need to cum, because Submission/service to me because it's what fullfills him.

i believe likewise, Madam. But then would even the sexual overtone of a "no string house cleaning" event (with absolutly no sex nor even any contact of any kind) be just a cheap way to grab some arrousing, instead of that real "service" craving ?
i guess we get here to the heart of the question, but i realize that it would have been more suited in the "Ask a mal sub" section. Are there really subs for whom the love of service does not come from any sexual overtone ?

Well, i guess now i'm just thinking and freewheeling too much and too far. As You MadamS pointed out, service is service, be it before of after cumming, and all that matters is if the Dominant Lady is pleased with it. Amen.

Thank You !

eslave.

Edit : i should have done my homeworks before posting : there is already an interesting thread on a similar subject : http://www.collarchat.com/To_cum_or_not_to_cum%2C_that_is_the_question/m_123603/tm.htm


< Message edited by eslave -- 9/19/2005 1:11:25 PM >

(in reply to PetTeacher)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 1:21:42 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

But then would even the sexual overtone of a "no string house cleaning" event (with absolutly no sex nor even any contact of any kind) be just a cheap way to grab some arrousing, instead of that real "service" craving ?
i guess we get here to the heart of the question, but i realize that it would have been more suited in the "Ask a mal sub" section. Are there really subs for whom the love of service does not come from any sexual overtone ?
I'm not a male, and cannot answer for them, but my guess is the sexual overtone is a necessity, or none of us would need to connect. I don't need a man to do anything I seek in my profile, however, if I find a man I'm attracted to who does those things I will be significantly more satisfied, and the sex won't hurt either (at least it won't hurt me *winks*).

If no strings housecleaning had no sexual overtone, it wouldn't ever need to be listed because every man has a place to live he probably doesn't keep immaculate, and every man knows women (family or friends) who's house they can go clean. M
P.S. Welcome to the boards Eslave.

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/19/2005 1:22:56 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 2:04:21 PM   
goodmanners


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting subject and very familiar with just about every male.

With a normal ejaculation thru masturbation or intercourse, the male suffers an immediate loss of desire which, again in most cases, has nothing to do with their feelings towards their partner or domme. But, as vanilla men have learned to cuddle after sex, forced to learn, we too can learn to react in other more submissive ways.

Prostate milking does allow the physical relief for health maintenance purposes, and, in many cases, does not diminish the mental submissive state. Prostate activity may not be the most suitable solution to many however.

The key is to develop a proper 'submissive ethic'. In most relationships i would imagine that certain protocols are followed with respect to specific activities. When you greet your Mistress you follow a certain protocol. When you seat her at the table, when you pick her up in your car, when you fold her laundry. In all cases there will be procedures in place. These are learned and suit her requirements. The same can apply to a submissive's attitude and composure after an orgasm.

I was trained to be able to return to submissivness within minutes by not allowing any down time to enjoy my relief. The cum must be 100% consumed, i.e. cleaned up orally; before cumming I had to agree to corporal punishment of her choice and quantity as payment; after punishment I had to show my desire to serve her needs in a very submissive gesture or task. One of the most humiliating and therefore submissive acts is to serve as her receptacle. Offering yourself to assist in her relief will certainly help return your state of mind to where it should be. And as she usually waited until she had to pee before allowing my orgasm, this worked very well for us. Nothing emphasizes a submissive's or slave's situation better than that. I can enjoy my relief, but for the moment only, and view it more of an opportunity for both of us to see that the plumbing is intact. Then it's back to the real world.
goodmanners

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 2:40:08 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodmanners

But, as vanilla men have learned to cuddle after sex...



But I like that part! I love it when my sweet sub is drained, exhausted, and defenseless...for the moment...

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to goodmanners)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 4:35:02 PM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Well, even though i did list "Objectification" as an interest, i don't think i'm ready to drink motor oil :) i guess that prevent me from being a robot indeed. Although i tend to emit funny noises and exhibit robotic stiffness while walking after a long bondage scene :)



I love you already eslave, you got my funny. <<smiling with light giggle>>

_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/19/2005 7:52:31 PM   
MistressNona


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline 		Control is the issue at hand....It is up to a Mistress if you are allowed any type of reward...and I surely think that is one.......Each and every Mistress is different....depending on their agenda and what it is that you can contribute. First and foremost is to serve Her with the most respect and obedience that one, like yourself, can offer. It is your destiny at a Powerful Women....

Mistress Nona of New Jersey


Attachment (1)

(in reply to eslave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/20/2005 2:42:39 AM   
eslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PetTeacher
I love you already eslave, you got my funny. <<smiling with light giggle>>

Great, now i'm blushing on the wrong part of my anatomy !

Well, anyway, thank Y/you all for those rich comments. They helped me re-focus, and that's not small feat :)
i guess i'll be happy on those boards and will learn quite a bit. Thank Y/you.

eslave.

< Message edited by eslave -- 9/20/2005 2:43:32 AM >

(in reply to PetTeacher)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/20/2005 8:47:54 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not a male, and cannot answer for them, but my guess is the sexual overtone is a necessity, or none of us would need to connect.

========

oh i suppose i am being a butthead here......maybe i am personally just the exception? i just have always failed to grasp how anyone can be controlled solely by sexual urges and call it normal submission. i feel, personally....just me here,....if any male, cannot-will not--submit w/o sex involved it is not submitting. THAT is a do-me boy.
and since "I" have been self celebate since 2001 w/o any intercourse and have not masturbated now for maybe a couple-a-weeks....i serve merely just to BE in-service. since 09/01/05 when my p.a. was put in i have had zero masturbation......and probably wont until after it heals...which is set around halloween.......SO in MY eyes.......submitting ONLY because of sex is NOT submitting it is player do-me boys.

wolfie........


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cum control... or not ? - 9/20/2005 10:01:50 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

oh i suppose i am being a butthead here...
Well Wolfie, your words not mine, so who am I to argue, LOL. I do my best to believe men when they tell me who/what they are.
quote:

maybe i am personally just the exception? i just have always failed to grasp how anyone can be controlled solely by sexual urges and call it normal submission.
No one said someone is controlled solely by their sexual urges, or we'd all be like wild animals humping anything in our paths; I simply said that the need to connect with another on a sexual/spiritual level does drive some of us to find the right counterpart for us. If not for a higher level connection, there are people you can pay a small amount per hour to come over and clean *winks*.

As for setting yourself up as an example of what perfect submission should be, I've gotta tell you that you don't cut the mustard with some of us; you'd probably cause me to become a sadist if I had a boy like you. I think you need to have sex or be allowed to relieve yourself because you are always wound too tightly. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 13
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Cum control... or not ? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078