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Changing Roles - 2/25/2008 7:06:49 PM

Reigna

Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
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The thread is titled, "Changing Roles," and not "Switching." It's got to do with switching, though, and I'm posting it here because I know that many of you, like me, started out as submissives.

As it happens, my sub started out as a Dom. When we met a couple of years ago, we both had been fully into our current orientations for quite awhile, although unlike me he still would switch from time to time if the situation called for it. As for myself, I just flat haven't wanted anything to do with bottoming or subbing for some years now.

He recently coaxed me into letting him top me, against my better judgement and also against his. ("I knew that was gonna piss you off," he said later.) The little scene, which could have been quite lengthy, lasted less than 10 minutes, and it ended in bad feelings for both of us. We've patched things over, but this feels like it may take awhile to sort out--for me, anyway; three days later, I'm still gnawing on it. I'm certain I'll never try such a stunt again, because it's very clear now that subbing is alien and alienating for me.

Live and learn, right? Meantime, I hereby call on the collective knowledge and experience of the CM mistresses (and anyone else who'd like to chime in). Have you ever had a similar experience? How did you handle it? What do you think of this?

< Message edited by Reigna -- 2/25/2008 7:07:54 PM >

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RE: Changing Roles - 2/25/2008 8:34:35 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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My sub was a Master for a few years and so when we hooked up it was difficult at first. He was not used to a Dominant woman, as he'd only dated very submissive women and I had dated submissive men or men who I had a equal relationship with.

When we got together we decided to try playing as a Top and a bottom. I had bottomed before so it wasn't new to me but when we played he really tried instead to Dominant me which ended up with me coming close to punching him. I had to safeword and calm down so I could explain to him what I was feeling. I felt anger, resentment and a real desire to just show him who the boss was, afterall submissiveness is not a part of my wiring.

So when it came his turn to try being the bottom he expressed the desire for me to take it further by trying to dominate him. He had a real struggle with it while we were playing, I could see the inner turmoil all over his face. But I was determined that he would follow through on what we agreed on <Unless he safe worded which he didnt>. At the end of it he said it was the most erotic, hot , primal experience of his life. Now he is my submissive.

But I understand totally what you mean, I cannot handle being put in the position of forced submission which in my view is what he was trying to do because thats all he knew. He had never Topped before and therefore didn't know the difference. It was a big learning experience for us both.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Reigna)

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RE: Changing Roles - 2/25/2008 8:39:04 PM

hands0n0knees

Posts: 80
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Live and learn, yes; but live and live, too. Deciding that you fit a recognised role should only be done after intense experimentation, lest you risk missing out on many of life's various pleasures. I'd try and be happy about the new experience you had, even if it wasn't a pleasurable one.

I entirely empathise, as a dominant young lady who I play with from time to time was until quite recently collared herself. I haven't noticed any discomfort on her part with her new role, but then I suppose being the dominant takes a great deal less courage and conviction than being the sub. It depends also what you enjoy about BDSM. If it is the thrill of being extraordinary or the paraphernalia, chances are that both roles will offer satisfaction.

(in reply to Reigna)

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RE: Changing Roles - 2/25/2008 8:54:24 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
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*giggles and waves at jailbait*

Dammit kid, I hate flattering your ego by talking about you on the forums. . .you're already cocky enough :P

Regina, this is less of a big deal when it happens to me because I switch anyway, but I do tend to get a little out of sorts when I happens without prior discussion. I was playing with the boy I was picking on above, but I was tired and doing a piss poor job of it. At one point, he turned it around on me. I let him do it because I was just curious what he would do :)

After the fact, I felt a little embarrassed, but not in any way upset.

I think, in the long run(assuming there is a long run), it was probably a good thing, since he got to see a side of me he would otherwise never get to see, and vice versa.

Also, I said this on another thread, but I think it's good for everyone to put themselves in another's shoes every once in a while. Maybe the shoes don't fit, and that's okay, but at least you tried :)

(in reply to hands0n0knees)

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