RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read

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RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 9:34:59 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

It may sound old fashioned, but to my way of thinking sharing personal information about others is called gossip--and is generally bad form in any venue.

My basic rule of thumb: If my slave would feel awkward/bad/ashamed reading something I might post, I don't post. There are enough things in the world on which I can offer up overblown opinions as it is!

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(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 21

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 9:42:10 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

Just to clarify a bit, my partner(s) in the past showed no interest in reading or posting and I posted only about myself. So if I have said I liked or have done"x" or "y" kind of play, I don't wish my current Mistress to feel any pressure to engage in that with me because she knows I like it. Or if she should want to try it, feel any sort of comparison to what I have felt or experienced with another.

What I meant about posting currently is that if I say I am doing or did "x' now, then someone who knows me or knows my partner(s) might be able to figure out who they are. I have no reason to believe that is the case (or even if they would mnd), but it just occurred to me that it could happen. That's why I'm asking these questions.

I do think it appropriate, sometimes to ask in a place like this, and unbeknownst to a partner, what is the best way to broach a situation or feeling, before blundering in. Or even asking others, are my feelings ones which are legitimate, or should I just get over it before even bringing it up? I don't think those are being dishonest with a partner, but considerate.

I guess I could create a new name and post any question I have, (although that seems "dishonest" to the people here who have read other things I write under this name too.) But if that is the accepted way, then I will.

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 2/27/2008 9:44:05 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:07:59 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

But if that is the accepted way, then I will.

It is for sure not my accepted way....lol..you made it sound like it is normal to do :P

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 23

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:11:52 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Anything I post I have already discussed with Fox and/or Angel. If they read it afterwards, they would not be surprised.
Chances are, if it is something you have to worry about your partener finding out, you should probably be discussing it with them anyway.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 24

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:16:36 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

You mention that this is not the only board or forum that you belong to or use. So, I have a suggestion. Why not limit your posts on this and other open and public forums to things you are sure you would be comfortable with your partner seeing?
Then - and even though I thought I could tell from your post, I did go check your profile before making this suggestion

, try to find and join a subs only support group. Usually this is going to be a private email group as opposed to a public forum. Most that I have belonged to will require that owned property recieve thier Masters permission - with hir understanding the rules - before joining, only a very few will actually ask for 'proof' of this (an email from your Master, for instance). Most have you very specificly agree to a confidentaility rule, agreeing not to let non-members of the group - esp. Tops or Doms, even your own Master or Owner, read posts, not to cross post or discuss such things outside of the group forum. I have run such groups and becuase I am poly I am always specific that this esp. applies to sisters-in-chains not sharing with thier Master what thier sister may have aired on the group. Since Masters know this in advance, and it is approved by them, it should not become an issue.
Some cities have live in person sub support groups, as well. These - rather in person or online - give you a wonderful place to say what you need to say, candidly, and get support and feedback, in an all subbie type enviroment.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 25

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:40:23 AM

need2bused6

Posts: 49
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

If you are putting any information that is personal your partner should know. A former Dom started a blog at a time I did not read blogs. I was out of town for 2 weeks on business and missed him horribly. I went to his profile a source of comfort and found he had a blog. It had personal information regarding his ex sub, who he had said he dismissed but did not, please leave his rights out of this discussion, that he had put in the hospital 2 days b4 I left town. He used a dildo and went too far rupturing his colon.. I was there 3 hours later this happened and he had not cleaned well. While out of town I got sick with an intestinal virus and before I went to the ER we had spoke and he mentioned nothing about what had happened I found out the next day in his blog. I do nothing I am ashamed of but he did not just push the truth he out and out laid. This allowed several friends, plus people on the site where I posted questions but nothing giving his identify, to identify who he was. The site was Alt and I would never answer any questions he posted, even incorrect, out of respect. The blog was the first of several things that ended my serving. I should have left sooner but I didn't.

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“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 26

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:50:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

We have a joint profile and both post - and we communicate to each other and don't really have a need to ask others how to ask our SO to do someething, share something, etc And neither of us do drama, so when we post, we never have any qualms or worries what the other may think.

If you feel uncomfortable because they don't know, don't post it - or just communicate to your SO.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 27

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 10:51:33 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

Thanks all, this has been helpful. Let me reiterate that I haven't ever and wouldn't ever post anything which I thought was negative about any partner here. Nor anything I didn't (myself) think they would be uncomfortable having known.

It was simply a matter of suddenly realizing that, even if innocuous, it was not for me to decide, just because there was in interesting thread on it here, to inadvertantly reveal that a current partner likes tying me to the bed post with red licorice rope, or tying my genitals up with it and then terrifying me by slowly gnawing, licking and chewing it until I spring free. Or worse yet that she likes licking the red marks for the rest of the week.

I honestly don't know if her father or best friend is a dentist.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 28

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 2:18:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm ok with people posting problems here before they go to their partner- because it shows instantly that there's a communication problem to be fixed in addition to what's going on and allows me to give the good direct response of "Go talk to them."

My partners have never really gone on message boards either. Partly because it really does tend to be a hobby and they aren't into it, partly because males in general aren't as into forums and most of my partners have been males, and partly because they are just busy and don't care.

But I would not post things here that I wouldn't share directly with them, would not bring up actual relationship problems BEFORE going over them directly with my partner first, and would not post things they might consider uncomfortable- I either just don't post it or ask my partner first.

No one here will care what you post, in two weeks it will be completely forgotten. You and your partners however, they will remember.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 29

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 2:34:40 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm ok with people posting problems here before they go to their partner- because it shows instantly that there's a communication problem to be fixed in addition to what's going on and allows me to give the good direct response of "Go talk to them."

My partners have never really gone on message boards either. Partly because it really does tend to be a hobby and they aren't into it, partly because males in general aren't as into forums and most of my partners have been males, and partly because they are just busy and don't care.

But I would not post things here that I wouldn't share directly with them, would not bring up actual relationship problems BEFORE going over them directly with my partner first, and would not post things they might consider uncomfortable- I either just don't post it or ask my partner first.

No one here will care what you post, in two weeks it will be completely forgotten. You and your partners however, they will remember.

I like the part about any post will be gone fast. I have posted things that I wanted to go fast. But I have posted about problems I've had in in private life and had some good answers (LA's included) Plus, if the other person was reading here, it had to have definitely influenced them I would think. So thanks to the board.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 3:57:42 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

He knows I post here. He thinks it's a flippin' waste of time, so I don't dwell on the stuff I read and write here.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 31

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 5:09:34 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

~fast reply~

Daddy knows i post here even though He doesn't ...He rarely logins His account.

does He care about what i post? nope

would He read what i post here? i doubt it

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 32

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 5:12:15 PM

womyn

Posts: 216
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline

I think as long as you don't use real names and don't go into every detail but more in a general way, there shouldn't be a problem with that. I mean after all, you're here for advice and not to brag...right?

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 33

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 6:01:32 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

MasterK does not post in the forums, he may or may not read my posts. We've never discussed it.

I put no personally identifying information in the posts, just general observations, and always respectful.

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MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 34

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 6:22:25 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

I think if you're feeling guilty about it, even a little, then something's probably wrong. Just because whoever your post might offend won't read it, doesn't mean you should be posting things they wouldn't appreciate.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 35

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 6:31:24 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

He reads all of my posts and the majority of my mail. We have similar views as far as what's acceptable and unacceptable. I would write and behave the exact same way if he didn't read it.

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"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 36

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 6:53:58 PM

lovewithoutfear

Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

DMFParadox wrote:
"Perhaps there really is a notable difference in psychology between primary-'group' and primary-'intimate' types of personalities that can be detected through online behavior."

Interesting. This distinction didn't occur to me either. However, I mentioned this to a friend, and we observed that whereas my friend prefers one on one interactions online and group interactions in person, I prefer group interactions online, and one on one in person. So the correlation may not be simple.

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 37

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:00:18 PM

sblady

Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

I know this may not be what the OP is talking about and it's probably a slight hijack, so my apologies.

At times, I've been quite amazed at some of the questions posted on the forums. Sometimes I cringe. Yes, a person has every right to post whatever they please, but I'm always thinking about what would happen if their Dom read this?

I know for a fact that my Sir would not be pleased if I asked a seriously detailed relationship question on a forum. Don't me wrong, I can ask whatever I'd like, but I think it would be disrespectful as well as unacceptable to "air our dirty laundry". Plus, I'd have to deal with the consequences of my actions....

Also, some folks have great long term memories.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 38

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:15:36 PM

Statepalace

Posts: 185
Joined: 9/20/2007
Status: offline

I voluntarily told my Dom what my Collarme password is, and He knows that I post here.

If He were so inclined, He has free access. He doesn't read here, but He can if He chooses.

While I may ask questions here that I am not yet ready to ask Him, or don't have the right frame of mind to ask Him, nothing I've written is something that I would be ashamed of if He were to read it.

I don't think that posting here is a way to be dishonest, as I eventually get around to discussing the things I need to with Him. Chatting here helps hone my presentation for the moment I do go to Him with the issue at hand. I understand it, and myself, just a little bit better.

For me, it is a way to gather my tact before talking to Him, especially if I am frustrated. Tact is good. Honesty is good. No reason the two can't walk hand in hand.

_____________________________

And if I cease to desire and remain still,
the empire will be at peace of its own accord

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 39

RE: If your D/M/s doesn't post or read - 2/27/2008 7:21:34 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

One time I came here and posted something that had made me angry with my Sir. I didn't tell him until after the fact and it caused a major ordeal and me lots of tears and apologies. I post and say quite a bit, but I no longer would ever say something I couldn't say to his face. If it's in question I ask first.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Statepalace)

Post #: 40

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