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ownedgirlie -> Self Sadism, Anyone? (2/29/2008 7:51:51 PM)
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This is a new and goofy discovery of mine, and I'm curious if anyone else has experienced the same (someone please say yes, lol).
I am not a masochist. In fact, I tolerate pain at best. I've gotten past trembling inside every time Mr. Wonderful gets that look in his eye with an evil new toy, but I am not at a point where I jump for joy or lick my chops at the concept of being...well...hurt. OK since "hurt" can be interpreted many ways, I'll just say I'm not always thrilled about receiving pain.
But he is becoming more excited about inflicting pain. He likes to see me struggle and try to handle it. He gets that gleam in his eye and he laughs and makes it hurt more and more...his sadistic streak is growing.
Where I am going with this, is that my sadistic streak is growing, too. I am constantly thinking of more and more evil ways he can torment me because I think it would be really hot to torment someone that way. So I keep giving him new ideas to torture me in ways I will absolutely hate. But I'm finding when he is tormenting me, and I'm hating it, my thoughts will shift and I'll start looking at it from his point of view. I'll think about what he's doing to me and I'll think - Damn, that's hot what he's doing - and I will get all hot and respond favorably, not because of the pain I'm receiving (rather, it's despite the pain I'm receiving), but because the idea of what he is doing makes me wild. And then I'll start daring him to hurt me more - not because I am craving the pain, but because I think it's really hot for him to torment someone like that.
Have I become a sadist against myself?? [&:]
If so, I'm doomed! When I get all excited I blurt out really cool, evil, sadistic ideas do to someone, knowing I would hate having that done to me...but who am I telling?? I'm telling the person most likely to do that to me!
Yep. Totally doomed.
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