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Paulsgirl -> RE: And the one selected is-- (3/1/2008 12:49:33 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
someone else. I started a thread like this a few years ago, and yet the topic is still relevant and I am sure will always be---when the Dominant chooses someone else. or for that matter the submissive says the D is not suitable.
I hope to see writings from everyone--though most of My experience is of course from the males---there seems to be this reaction of hmmm disbelief if someone is not selected, immediately collared and taken off the market---I for one cannot see wasting time if there are things that appear as red flags---I know My life, I know what will and won't work and what I am and am not willing to "compromise" about ( ok don't start in on this, there is a whole thread devoted to that one)--I simply cannnot see dragging things out if I see warnings--now given that, I work very hard to keep emotions in check on both sides, slowing down this talks and trying to steer to reality away from fantasy ( a thing many don't want to do), as again it seems the guys go nutso way too fast with the feelings---it seems that there is, even after all the writings we do--a prevailing feeling that i'm an s you are a D---we match."
Thoughts?[8|]
This is good timing. i have just, out of the blue, thrown a loopy, tears, a sudden mood dip, ranting to the UMs and texting Master this way and that demanding to be released. Somewhat a little cranky to say the least.
What summounts to is this: i am expected to KNOW. i am expected to know professionally, i am expected to know as Mother, i am expected to know as friend, breadwinner, and above all i am expected to know as a woman of my age.
However, and this is the crux of what i am writing about; i felt chosen when i girst met my Master. we met on a straight site and there were therefore no expectations of bdsm. But it was instant chemistry and yes, yes of course i have had periods of reactance and still do. i was chosen and then backed off and then went back.
The exchange of power is that we allow each other total freedom. There have been times when Master has disappeared, asked to be picked up at airports, never tole me where or what He's been up to. He is an emotional sadist to the extent to which i am an emotional masochist.
The only peace i get from any of this? Is the peace i get precisly by being allowed to be entirely me without judgement from Him and so when i am begging for Him to call me, when i am truly at my wits end because the pressures of holding my life together seem too much: He is there for me and selects me as if from new all over again.
Each time he sees my raw edges, each time i say i need to get out and then confess to being unable to spend a minute without Him.....it's all fine.
i started out as a Resume that walked towards Him at a station and we kissed as the first communication. My chilhood trauma is fine. my loneliness is fine, my depravity is fine and my limits are fine also as he seems to know then instinctually. i started with raw emotion. He started with what felt to me as pure detachment. He was a stranger who is slowly but surely entrusting the details of His life to me. It has been like a process of finding the one last jigsaw piece and therefore knowing that it must fit somehow but still turning it around and around and focusing evermore deeply at the detail to see exactly why.
Together the fantasies are getting slowly and surely turned into reality.
Relationships only ever begin. They never end. Whatever happens He will be in my heart and my soul until the day i die
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