RE: A Poem (Full Version)

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Noah -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:09:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I agree, if you post something like that you cant expect people not to talk about it and how they feel about it. 


And so I posted my feelings about it. Yeah. Some of the most wonderful things poetry has taught me over the years have had to do with finding beauty in the places I've been encouraged/acculturated to avoid looking for it.

If you can't find the beauty that I see in that poem, which one of us is wrong?

It's okay with me that you shared your opinion of the poem. Here's my opinion of your critique: if you aren't going to read poetry imaginatively and with an open heart, then .... read it your way.

Anyway, still waiting for some of you to show us how it should be done.

Ain't literature grand?






christine1 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:12:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

There once was a lad from Nantucket.....




i thought he was from boise?




silvermuse -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:13:57 PM)

okay, I'm 'game'

this one isn't a D/s poem, but is one of mine and I freely admit I don't write brilliant poetry.

Breathe



Don’t take him from me
I won’t let him go
Breathe


Six weeks isn’t enough
I won’t give him up
Breathe


Give me a sign
A movement of chest
Breathe


My life for his
My dreams I’ll give
Breathe


Hear my plea
Grant me a chance
Breathe


A flicker of life
The return of hope
He breathes.




colouredin -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:15:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah



It's okay with me that you shared your opinion of the poem. Here's my opinion of your critique: if you aren't going to read poetry imaginatively and with an open heart, then .... read it your way.





Not liking something does not mean not reading it with an open heart, as you said its personal taste, your liking it is fine but the fact that you like it does not make you more noble than any that dont. And i dont believe it was a you show me yours and ill show you mine deal.




liketophoto -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:20:49 PM)

There is no beauty in flight
when you are pecking away at road kill.




tsatske -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:26:14 PM)

There is an awful lot of steel on this thread. Did anyone else notice that, or is it just me, with my steel fetish?
Any of you steels bring the handcuffs? shackles? something?

~in chains today.




Aileen1968 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:29:35 PM)

I'm very sad.  My dam has never erupted like the mother load.




colouredin -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:32:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm very sad.  My dam has never erupted like the mother load.


Oh well dahrling you simply havent lived




domahpet -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:43:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm very sad.  My dam has never erupted like the mother load.


trust me, its pretty scary the first times it happens!




BitaTruble -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 1:45:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah


It's a poem, Steel, a personal expression, not an instruction book for fuck's sake.

Kind of like when Billy Collins says, in a poem, that the right way to write a poem is to first undress, then peel off your skin and remove all your organs except those down there

He doesn't intend you to follow his instructions, I don't think. It's just that ...

Death and sex
Death and sex
Poetry poetry
Death and sex

Anyway, the original poster had the right organs in the right quantity to put his stuf out there and I applaud him and thank him for it. How many of the big, bad motherfuckers (and motherfuckettes) around here have posted anything that took half that much balls?

A beer-soaked bowling team doesn't owe anyone perfect pitch when they stagger out of the lanes bellowing "WE are the CHAMPIONS".

A tomcat yowling after a good night in his alley doesn't owe anyone deathless verse.

This dude was obviously reelin' with the feelin' and he let it all hang out. I'd rather read something from the heart all day long than crap carefully calculated to appease the kind of critics who never even opened their ear to the little masterpiece of emotional expression lurking under that dandy little pile of mixed metaphors.

I say that poem rocked!

To paraphrase the editor character in "Shipping News": If you want War and Peace go read William Fucking Shakespeare.

In the mean time let's see some poetry from all the other dissers in the thread. I'm sitting here all ready to appreciate it, beer in hand. Or else, go on, try in vain to find a single imperfection in my quatrain above.





Wretched blast of cold, crisp wind 
Beats the furrowed brow
Touching shadowed, corpselike skin
And wrinkled, darkened scowl.
Such anger, unbeknownst to them
Who seek a hollow laugh,
Belittles man to syncopate
A life such lived so well
Horrid abjuration, unheeded far to oft
Bellowed to that cold, crisp wind
Is a sound so very lost.

Now, I could just have said 'ditto', but, in the spirit and all ... ::grins::  I think anyone who is willing to put a piece of themselves out there for all the world to see has some kind of guts going on and that rocks regardless of whether such effort is appreciated by the masses.

Celeste




Justme696 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:03:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To be honest it was just a terribly pretentious pile of badly written porn, but thanks for sharing :D


lady lady lady

there is no bad porn!!!!!!!




domiguy -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:05:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Wretched blast of cold, crisp wind 
Beats the furrowed brow
Touching shadowed, corpselike skin
And wrinkled, darkened scowl.
Such anger, unbeknownst to them
Who seek a hollow laugh,
Belittles man to syncopate
A life such lived so well
Horrid abjuration, unheeded far to oft
Bellowed to that cold, crisp wind
Is a sound so very lost.

Now, I could just have said 'ditto', but, in the spirit and all ... ::grins::  I think anyone who is willing to put a piece of themselves out there for all the world to see has some kind of guts going on and that rocks regardless of whether such effort is appreciated by the masses.

Celeste


But when it sucks it sucks....Have you ever ate at someone's house and the food sucked?...Same deal. nice attempt but where is the fuckin' pizza? I nthis case the op invited himself and his rather pompous profile into "our house."

It wasn't very creative. Totally self serving. I could do better in minutes. It would be even more self serving and sappy.

I looked at his profile and pic...I knew I recognized him!




SteelofUtah -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:06:18 PM)

Fair enough Noah

Tear apart as you will

~Of Things I've Done~

I look with eyes of honesty
in this world of deciet and lies
for a girl who waits in sinserity
for another pair of honest eyes.

I am not perfect I must confess
my past is filled with tears
as a Master I have made mistakes
and earned scars throughout the years

a slave is a responsibility
in my youth I took too soon
I took their gift and returned not
and lay wake in all but ruin

I learned my trade on broken things
and the beliefs I've torn apart
for the slave she trusted all I was
her reward a broken heart

I am not perfect of this I've said
Today I try my best
I lead my slave the best I can
and lay my past to rest

I don't forget the person I was
all too quick to take
promises made today I keep
and ammends today I make

I've been entrusted a human life
she gave herself to me
a Man who's made a million wrongs
I wonder if she'll see

I never question her dilligence
as once I did my own
she's the sweetest any man could want
and the only love I've ever known

Steel ~~ 2006




colouredin -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:10:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To be honest it was just a terribly pretentious pile of badly written porn, but thanks for sharing :D


lady lady lady

there is no bad porn!!!!!!!




We have clearly been watching/reading differant porn :P




SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:12:34 PM)

Poems really belong here or somewhere else they will be lost forever and never looked at again.[8|]




SteelofUtah -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:13:07 PM)

No just guys don't actually pay attention to the mechanics of it.

I agree that Skin-a-max porn is bad porn but thats always because I have to work so much harder to get arroused.




colouredin -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:17:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

No just guys don't actually pay attention to the mechanics of it.

I agree that Skin-a-max porn is bad porn but thats always because I have to work so much harder to get arroused.



We could delve into what porn appeals to whom but i feel it would be hyjacking the post somewhat.. As everyone else has given it a go i thought i would put one of my angsty teen hormone filled poems up :D


The dark grip that pulls me down
The scarlet slash that releases me
The grey thoughts that fill my head
The golden light that soothes me  

The reason that I wake
The reason that I cry
The reason that I laugh
The reason that I sleep  

The black cloud that pulls me back
The violet marks that fill me
The white pain that holds my hand
The light aura that heals me  

The reason that I wake
The reason that I cry
The reason that I laugh
The reason that I sleep






Justme696 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:19:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

No just guys don't actually pay attention to the mechanics of it.

I agree that Skin-a-max porn is bad porn but thats always because I have to work so much harder to get arroused.



We could delve into what porn appeals to whom but i feel it would be hyjacking the post somewhat.. As everyone else has given it a go i thought i would put one of my angsty teen hormone filled poems up :D


The dark grip that pulls me down
The scarlet slash that releases me
The grey thoughts that fill my head
The golden light that soothes me  

The reason that I wake
The reason that I cry
The reason that I laugh
The reason that I sleep  

The black cloud that pulls me back
The violet marks that fill me
The white pain that holds my hand
The light aura that heals me  

The reason that I wake
The reason that I cry
The reason that I laugh
The reason that I sleep





lol posting other poems is as much taking the focus of the OP as porn talk is :P
(Not that I mind it)




Justme696 -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:20:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

To be honest it was just a terribly pretentious pile of badly written porn, but thanks for sharing :D


lady lady lady

there is no bad porn!!!!!!!




We have clearly been watching/reading differant porn :P



[:(] not true




Noah -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 2:22:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm very sad.  My dam has never erupted like the mother load.


Oh well dahrling you simply havent lived


Twue dat.




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