RE: "i can't go through with it..."

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RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/4/2008 8:40:39 PM

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From: the future
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more and more must think this way than i would have expected. why would them "not feeling comfortable enough to meet you" mean they are in denial of who they are? it's saying "they're obviously in denial of being a submissive or is a faker because they aren't serving me". it sounds more like it isn't them who are not accepting of who they are, it's "you" who is not accepting them of who they are. there is more to 'who a person is' than just one little word. some people are stubborn, some are shy, some are careless, so on and so forth.

2 vanilla people plan to meet up for the first time and one ends up not feeling comfortable with it afterall and calls things off. does that mean they are not accepting the "realization" that they're vanilla? is being or accepting that you are submissive, dominant, or neutral in any way related to this sort of issue?

maybe they did waste your time, but that doesn't mean "they" are a waste of your time. does turning down a scheduled meeting mean that all ties and possibilities are forever severed? does it mean you can't just give the relationship more time to develop, but instead have to end it all right then and there? sounds like nonsense to me.

someone needing a bit of a push is no more indicative that "they are a waste of time" than someone that would show up with their pants down 1 minute after inititally talking to them. i'd imagine you'd have a good idea of whether they're a waste of time without ever even having to meet them. i trust you thought they were worth your time if you spent time talking to them or set up a meeting in the first place.

perhaps if you spend time on the computer with them but are afraid they'll never stop hiding behind the monitor, maybe a nudge like "i understand if you don't feel comfortable meeting with me now, so you just tell me when you're ready and then we'll talk, but i will not wait for you to never make up your mind..." could be helpful, and perhaps it could also be harmful depending on how they look at it.

but the chance of helpful or harmful is just the reality when you feel something is what you would call necessary.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 4:09:56 AM

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an interesting side, no doubt--if your response was delivered to the OP--the OP has nothing to do with being stood up---it was written for submissives to share what they did when they found themselves in doubt if who they want to be---one chooses to follow this life as a submissive, defines the need, puts reality around it, then cannot take he first step to bring that reality in to the light we we say--I remember a quote pixel made in another thread where he said, he got involved in the local community as it made him feel accepted for tha path he had chosen--( I may be paraphrasing)---so I ask others as well--have you had that fear, did you overcome it or did you retreat perhaps to the silent world of the computer.

I am curious about ones who faced that, and what they did to overcome it---or not.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 4:40:54 AM

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I doubted myself initially but it was never the physical denial of activites rather the mental one. I would do what was asked but I would place distance in it and not allow myself to feel submissive "im doing this cos i want to" it was jsut my way of coping i guess, being submissive went against everything I thought I was and everything I was told I should be so I found accepting it really difficult. So it was like I would be there in body but very stubborn in mentality. It is an issue that I still struggle with, and i have a conflict of omg maybe im not really submissive and also oh i dont want to do this. Gotta love internal conflict havent ya, I had a bit of trouble letting myself go with Sir for many reasons, and to be honest it was a conscious thing that I didnt let go and I actually had to fight the desire to submit out of a sense of self preservation. I dont know if that answers you really nor how clear it is. But i tried :D

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RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 8:59:36 AM

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i think it happens to alot of us.....it just depends on the circumstances and person i guess....

~meticulous~

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 12:11:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I have spent time with subs who have come to the realization who and that they are--then, the fear strikes terror and they cannot follow through with a real life encounter---have you faced this? Did you overcome? Did you retreat?

well, so far i have not retreated. i did go very slow with the gf that introduced me to being sub, and actually brought out my sub side for the very first time.

She ended up being the one that did not actually, retreat, but lost interest in D/s play..much to my great dissapointment to say the least

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My eyes have been opened....there is nothing on this earth as sexy as a Woman wearing a strapon cock and smile as She looks at me

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 12:14:47 PM

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the numbers that can't or won't (different things) go thru with it far exceed the numbers that can and do...........

Ask me how the fuck I know.

Ron

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 3/5/2008 12:15:16 PM >

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RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/5/2008 12:18:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I have spent time with subs who have come to the realization who and that they are--then, the fear strikes terror and they cannot follow through with a real life encounter---have you faced this? Did you overcome? Did you retreat?

I met my Daddy online on another site...Im a newbie and i answered an ad from him.....we talked for weeks befor we met in person...I was nervous but i would never stand someone up...thats just rude...casual encounters are best at first i think....that way u know if the person is going to show......My Daddy was so impressed that i even showed....i guess its the norm for people to get stood up online....After a while he mentioned another sub he had been talking to and wanted to know if i wanted to meet her....he invited her to lunch with us....but he said she probley wouldnt show becasue she has stood him up in the past...this bothers me....that he still talked to her after she stood him up the first time. I feel like if she really wanted to meet him she would have a long time ago...and it is my personal opinion that people like that are just looking for attention.....but thats just how i feel

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 8:04:19 AM

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Even though i talked to my Master almost every day for about 2 months before we met i was still nervous when it came time for the face to face. Luckily we had even more chemistry in person then on the phone. It has been 2 years now, and if i would have backed out i would have missed out on my wonderful Master.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to branbran77)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 11:08:14 AM

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For me,i began speaking with Dominas on another bdsm site but before this i was pretty much in limbo.There was no internet when i knew what it was that was flaming my BVD'S.To top that off,i came from a small town even though i was surrounded by decent sized cities.You just couldn't walk up to any woman on the street and say.."excuse me but are you BDSM inclined??"Now i had my moments here and there but i never did really turn the corner so to speak until i became involved with a group about 100 miles from where i lived.It was a pain in the ass drive but hey...you are either in it or you are not and the friendships i made cannot be underestimated nor what little connections i made through them.Now i have another view of reality and that is when you have become accepted as a Domina's sub..and on this i could go on and on about what really happens as opposed to what you may think might happen....but that's another time.

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 11:23:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I have spent time with subs who have come to the realization who and that they are--then, the fear strikes terror and they cannot follow through with a real life encounter---have you faced this? Did you overcome? Did you retreat?

I've never had a problem with accepting my submissive desires, but I was still very nervous about actually taking the plunge and starting to contact dominant women. My biggest fears were of public exposure, and rejection. I took fairly small steps, starting with on-line interactions and eventually moving on to real time. At each stage, there was some hesitation, but I didn't back out when the time came - and sure enough, it all worked out brilliantly. I can certainly understand nervousness in a submissive meeting a dominant for the first time, but I wouldn't necessarily attribute it to anything as psychologically dramatic as being horrified at their own desires. Their concerns could be a lot more mundane and pragmatic.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 11:38:10 AM

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From: The Land of Voodoo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I have spent time with subs who have come to the realization who and that they are--then, the fear strikes terror and they cannot follow through with a real life encounter---have you faced this? Did you overcome? Did you retreat?

I've met several dommes off of collarme and everytime I've said I'd be there for a meeting, I was there and so were they. I never really got nervous in meeting a new domme except when one wanted to meet me at a restaurant with me wearing just my latex catsuit. That was a bit unnerving, but I still made it.

I'm the type that if I make a commitment to meet someone, I make that meeting. It is just who I am. I wouldn't want anyone standing me up, so I'm not going to stand anyone up, either. I'm just not wired like that.

_____________________________

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Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 1:31:24 PM

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greetings LadyHathor,

speaking for myself, it took me many yrs to understand my submissive side, and not until my early 30's did I truly look at it as not a fault of mine or it was not a sign of weekness. I am sure in the back of my mind the thought of how society will judge me played into it also. Just the thought/fear alone of wearing his "collar " in public and or having to address someone as Master to my friends of coworkers, was enough to shy me away from meeting a few men in my past. I have asked some potential men to come to my area, meet me on my terms for the first time. I feel if they can not show me an effort to make sure that I am safe, secure and comfortable in this and if the voices in my head are saying "red flag" I kindly make an excuse of why a meeting would not work out. I try to keep my word, never just stand someone up.

_____________________________

respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
To love or not; in this we stand or fall.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 5:19:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I have spent time with subs who have come to the realization who and that they are--then, the fear strikes terror and they cannot follow through with a real life encounter---have you faced this? Did you overcome? Did you retreat?

i had difficulty making the transition from Vanilla real life, where submission was an abberation, to meeting someone who found that to be a worthwhile trait. i did a lot of exploration on line, talked on the internet with a lot of Lifestyle people but got cold feet on my first couple of meetings. i did excuse myself on line for my own fears. i have, subsequently, always been to meetings that have been set up, but will still hesitate from time to time if the person that i am supposed to meet does not seem real via the internet. i will, at this point, not set up a meeting time under those circumstances. i have had several occasions where the meeting has not gone any further, but that, to me, is part of the reason behind meeting someone the first time.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
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The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to LadyHathor)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/6/2008 7:47:52 PM

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greetings candisa

your words are very true. A submissive should never feel inferior or weak for that is not what this is about. A submissive truely has the power for it is her choice and decision to submit. It cannot be takene without her permission. That is what makes D/s so wonderful. I look for one who is strong for then the gift of her submission is so much greater as she lets go of control with me. That release of control is what fuels the bond and makes the relationship so deep and intense. For her to wear my collar in public and call me Master is a gift I would always treasure. As for safety I do all that I can to make someone comfortable and safe and would gladly come to where that is for her.

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Respectfully
Manwholuvs

(in reply to candisa)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/7/2008 12:29:27 AM

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Hello Lady H. This probably is far from what you were looking for in a reply, but the thought came to My head. It's the opposite thought, that those who are brave enough to make the leap into the lifestyle that should be noticed for not letting those types of fears that you mention, limit them. I often tell people that I'm glad they have the balls to attend their first munch, play party, etc., because some people will never have the courage to step away from the computer and do the things that are out there.

Just something to think about.

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RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/7/2008 8:44:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candisa

I have asked some potential men to come to my area, meet me on my terms for the first time. I feel if they can not show me an effort to make sure that I am safe, secure and comfortable in this and if the voices in my head are saying "red flag" I kindly make an excuse of why a meeting would not work out. I try to keep my word, never just stand someone up.

as opposed to standing somebody up, do you mostly find fulfillment attempting to knock them down, and at which red flag do you normally try to kill them? or do you usually just give them a blow job and say "thanks for dinner?"

(in reply to candisa)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/7/2008 8:52:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

the numbers that can't or won't (different things) go thru with it far exceed the numbers that can and do...........

Ask me how the fuck I know.

Ron

Exactly.

I could tell a sad story about a woman that wanted so badly, but felt trapped in a life that didn't fit her at all. Yet when pushed to choose, ultimately chose escaping both.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/7/2008 10:47:56 AM

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Talked at lenght with a sub from out of state. When to meet her. Met her at a resturant. This woman was so freaked out at meeting in person. She shook like a leaf the whole time. She just could not settle down. I had relatives in the area so the trip was'nt a total wash out. Have to say that I have met some interesting people thru CM.

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/8/2008 7:35:09 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

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......think about the reality of a total D/s relationship which means both BDSM-D/s and vanilla match-ups, and look for both if possible (tough- yes indeed but worth it) so that the leap is not so stark from your former life and stays in line with reality.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: "i can't go through with it..." - 3/8/2008 8:56:34 AM

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I was scared out of my wee mind! But I pride myself on not being a coward. I don't think I pushed my way through the fear or not. I think I just BSed my way though it. Afterwards lol I was a mess. So far actually going to meet him has been one of the best choices I ever made.

_____________________________

*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*

(in reply to LadyHathor)

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