lookingwithin04
Posts: 48
Joined: 7/8/2004
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As i stood at the airport awaiting my flight
i began wondering what would happen that night
as the thoughts kept running through my head
tears of joy and tears of fear came to my eyes
i borded the plane while wondering how
i could find myself begining a new journey in love
a remarkable moment that seemed to come somewhere from time
those feelings of fear hidden somewhere deep inside
Before i knew it the flight came to an end
i picked up my bags and remembered when
my life seemed so easy and full of love
i met Him then i lost the one i once loved
i sat there pondering as i awaited the one
that i'd shared so much of my life with
only over the phone
remembering the nights when i'd felt so alone
then He'd call and we'd talk and soon it became more
i found that i could trust Him yet it took me awhile
yet through my fears i traveled the miles
to finally meet him face to face.
my thoughts were suddenly interupted by my phone
telling me that he was watching me, and he was proud of me
that i was no longer alone
at that moment pushing my fears aside i walked over
put my bag in and got ready for the ride
as he gave me the tour of the city i now adore
i found my strength within when my head bowed to the floor
as we sat there in silence he put his hand on top of mine
and i knew at that moment that i would be fine
suddenly i noticed that we were nearing his home
the fears came back and my eyes began to roam
somewhere in the darkness of the night
i knew i was safe i knew i'd stay alive
we went down to the basement where in the silence of the night
he ordered me to kneel before him
and i did without a fight
at that very moment i became so very afraid
that i would never be good enough
no matter how much i prayed
my clothes were suddenly taken off me and as i was pushed on my hands
i questioned what could be next as i felt the leather on top of my flesh
i exhaled loudly and felt the crack of the belt punnishing me next
as i let out my first moan the next one came
then i realized my life would never be the same
still to this day i remember back then
i felt so scared, so unsure yet somehow i knew that he decided when
i would wake up, i would eat, use the bathroom and sleep,
i would change the relationship that i so very much adore
i love him i trust him and i respect him so much
i want him i need him and beg for his touch
now in the silence of the night
i pray to god softly that this is right
that it's ok to be in love with this man
who makes love to me
who cares about me
and knows where i stand
i know i have the world and the people around
to support me to encourage me
but without him i am a person who is lost and cant be found
a part of me wants to go back to that very first day
wondering if there would be anything that i would change
maybe some roses or a kiss on the cheek
maybe a moment where i didn't feel so weak
and although he may not always be here by my side
he will stay in my heart till the day that i die
the feelings i have for him will never go away
no matter how much you try to tell me
you could never pay me to walk away
from this man that i've fallen so deeply for
somewhere down the road i know my heart will be torn
but not until that day will i casually walk away
i see the world now in a whole new light
of beauty and peace in a different view
and i know in my heart he has those feelings too.
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the first meeting - 
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