Request for Advice

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abondanzaisme -> Request for Advice (9/23/2005 5:04:01 PM)
I am new to this list, new to the D/s lifestyle, actually I have just begun to explore. I do not have a Dom as yet, but hope to eventually, after I learn much more. My questions to all Masters are as follows: What advice would you give to a novice sub? What do you seek in a sub (generally speaking, I know each person has his/her own individual style)? What do you find intolerable in a sub? I am on a quest and any help is appreciated! abondanzaisme

WickedKev -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 5:09:52 PM)
1. Know what your looking for in a Dom and don't settle for less. 2. Be a challenge, any Dom Male or Fem worth thier salt loves a challenge. Doormats get used and left. 3. Have fun and never stop learning. I'll leave the others to give you the safety briefings

Kinkypupper -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 5:20:03 PM)
What do I find intolerable ? Lies Games

fastlane -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 6:04:58 PM)
Be careful what you ask for? Weed out the bad from the good. Do not jump into a relationship to be Dominated, without knowing what Domination is about. Learn and begin to trust someone. This is from your standpoint. From mine, be honest, be submissive, be willing to learn, be willing to please and be willing to be pleased, humiliated and lots of other fun things.....[:D]

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 6:06:30 PM)
Be yourself and act like an independent mature responsible adult should act.

fastlane -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 6:38:14 PM)
Hmmm, rules me out!

girl4you2 -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 6:49:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedKev 1. Know what your looking for in a Dom and don't settle for less. 2. Be a challenge, any Dom Male or Fem worth thier salt loves a challenge. Doormats get used and left. 3. Have fun and never stop learning. I'll leave the others to give you the safety briefings quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane Be careful what you ask for? Weed out the bad from the good. Do not jump into a relationship to be Dominated, without knowing what Domination is about. Learn and begin to trust someone. This is from your standpoint. From mine, be honest, be submissive, be willing to learn, be willing to please and be willing to be pleased, humiliated and lots of other fun things.....[:D] as a submissive, both of these ring true with me, but it's all about the dynamics of the particular pairing (or more, in poly) of the people involved. i think it's neat that both of these dominants put in having fun. fun is important, just as are honor, respect, honesty, etc.

RainGod -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 7:50:37 PM)
abondanzaisme writes: quote: What advice would you give to a novice sub? Some will no doubt disagree with Me on this, but this is My best advice for a beginner: your submission is a most precious gift that only you can give away. Choose carefully the Man you wish to give it to. Don't be forced into it, bribed into it, tricked into it... you choose who. Take your time. quote: What do you seek in a sub (generally speaking, I know each person has his/her own individual style)? Honesty, honesty, honesty. Also the sweetness and desire to serve. I love a very loyal submissive or slave as well. quote: What do you find intolerable in a sub? lies, head games, and cheating

Evanesce -> RE: Request for Advice (9/23/2005 7:56:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abondanzaisme I am new to this list, new to the D/s lifestyle, actually I have just begun to explore. I do not have a Dom as yet, but hope to eventually, after I learn much more. My questions to all Masters are as follows: What advice would you give to a novice sub? What do you seek in a sub (generally speaking, I know each person has his/her own individual style)? What do you find intolerable in a sub? I am on a quest and any help is appreciated! abondanzaisme First and foremost... Know, Be and Like who you are. Know your expectations and limitations. Know what you want and expect from a dominant and for your life. Don't let anyone talk you into doing what you're not emotionally and physically prepared to do. And until you wear someone's collar, YOU own you, and you call your own shots. As for what is intolerable - lies, betrayal, secrets, whining and manipulation.

Focus50 -> RE: Request for Advice (9/24/2005 4:39:57 AM)
First and foremost - trust your own instincts about Doms (or anyone, really...). Even if you've never met a Dom, the adult in you will know if someone "feels" right to you. If you get the urge to run from some dom, or to not meet one, definitely go with that urge! There are those in the lifestyle who rely on a sub's inexperience to manipulate them - and specifically seek out the inexperienced as a consequence. So if you find yourself being pressured into something you're uncomfortable with but lack the BDSM experience to make an informed decision, relate it to how you'd handle it in a vanilla circumstance. For instance, if some "dom" insists on playing as part of a first meeting and you're unsure, ask yourself what the vanilla you would do if he were just some guy insisting on sex as part of a first meeting and act accordingly. I seek in a sub almost exactly what I sought in my earlier vanilla relationships - mutual connection and chemistry. The only difference or addition now is that her being submissive is as non-negotiable as her being female. Intolerable? I've met some where we haven't connected and simply moved on - just like vanilla relationships. Hardly a crime or shortcoming in either of us, just life.... Focus51.

abondanzaisme -> RE: Request for Advice (9/24/2005 6:57:31 PM)
Thanx to all who have replied to me. I have read and plan to follow the good advice you have posted. At this point, safety is a major concern, especially when considering meeting someone you really don't know, exposing a very intimate side of oneself and being physically vulnerable as well. I am into fun, ALWAYS love to learn, but I feel I must have a connection or chemistry...there must be something there before I can even consider handing over control to a man. I do know that unless I can trust a man, he will not enter the kingdom, so to speak, lol. But when and if that special someone comes along, he will be given the keys to the kingdom. I'm sure I will have a great time finding him, though! Thank y'all again, so very much!

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Request for Advice (9/24/2005 7:34:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abondanzaisme I am new to this list, new to the D/s lifestyle, actually I have just begun to explore. I do not have a Dom as yet, but hope to eventually, after I learn much more. My questions to all Masters are as follows: What advice would you give to a novice sub? What do you seek in a sub (generally speaking, I know each person has his/her own individual style)? What do you find intolerable in a sub? I am on a quest and any help is appreciated! abondanzaisme Know who and what you are, to the best of your ability. Do your best to understand why you want to explore your submissiveness, what motivates you and what you need to feel fulfilled. Try to figure out what you absolutely must have in a partner and what you absolutely will not accept and then have the patience to wait until someone comes along who shows you, over the course of time, that he falls within a range acceptable to you. Know yourself Be true to yourself Be someone you can be proud of ('cause if you can't take pride in yourself, why should anyone else?) Timothy

RainGod -> RE: Request for Advice (9/25/2005 7:00:17 AM)
abondanzaisme has brought up another very good point here: quote: At this point, safety is a major concern, especially when considering meeting someone you really don't know, exposing a very intimate side of oneself and being physically vulnerable as well. We could do another entire thread on first time safety. My suggestions are basic simple ones, but they work. 1. Meet in a public place such as a restaraunt or coffee house. 2. Make sure someone knows where you are, who you are going to see, his address, his telephone number, and call them at set intervals to let them know you are safe. 3. Have extra cash on hand and a cellular phone for the trip in case something happens along the way. 4. Most importantly, go with your gut instinct. If you don't feel right about the situation, there is a reason.

abondanzaisme -> RE: Request for Advice (9/25/2005 7:23:02 AM)
Thanx once again Rain God...really liked your advice in both of your posts/replies. I do think of my submission as a precious gift and won't squander to simply feel the power of someone stronger than I dominating me. It took a while to arrive at this point in my (sexual) life, to recognize this as my sexual identity. In the vanilla years, I have grown strong, able to take care of myself and basically play a more dominant role in most aspects of my life. My submission is the most intimate thing I can offer a special Man who earns my trust and loyalty. You can bet I won't be meeting anyone alone, lol...I do value myself too highly for that kind of risk. And usually, I get a 'vibe' about a person...sometimes it comes through loud and clear, even online. You might call that woman's intuition (not in the sexist sense) from my years of experience reading people and what they expect from me either explicitly or implicitly. Seems like meeting people in this venue, for the reasons we do/will, is much more straight forward-no game playing, beating around the bush, or dancing around what we truly are seeking and hope to find. Your advice for safety is appreciated and it is a pattern I typically follow whether meeting people for business (I do go to people's homes to give estimates for services in my line of work), pleasure, or for any particular purpose. Your attitude, as well as some others I have read gives me a feeling that there are some wonderful people out there, just as concerned for my well being as for their own. Thank you.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Request for Advice (9/25/2005 11:44:55 AM)
This is very good advice. quote: ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176 Know yourself Be true to yourself Be someone you can be proud of ('cause if you can't take pride in yourself, why should anyone else?)

SirSix72 -> RE: Request for Advice (9/27/2005 4:49:14 AM)
The first thing I would do is to find myself a local community. Get a mentor, learn the ropes and the proper protocals, work on any emotional issues that I have then start searching for what would best suit my needs

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