Confused

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Sunnyfey -> Confused (3/6/2008 11:56:19 PM)
Ok so at my last show I had alot of ...interesting things happen. One a Domina friend of mine (knowing full well I am submissive and have never ever topped anyone ever) asked her sissy boys to tend to me before my scene with my Dom. Now nice boys they are they followed me it to the rest room to help me get dressed and, do my hair and what not. Im entierly ok with all of that...sub bonding is always fun. But after I got all that done I need to get into my headspace for the scene, and was complaining to said Domina friend about my back and feet hurting, so she smiled real big and said to her boys "Now you listen to Mistress M, Im going to go pick up food for all of us, just listen to her as you would me" ...I was standing there like an idiot gapeing at her. "Dont worry sis, just tell them what to do they are good boys. I'll be back soon". And so I ordered them to rub my back, feet and meditate with me. WTF IM NOT A TOP. (small tiny tiny voice) but i so got off on that. Another weird thing, old old old friend of mine asked me to top her since Im the only who knows about pony play in our group, and I said yes because I want to see her happy, and being friends for so long I know her limits. And..talking about the whole thing with her and what not, I've been all happy and giddy about that too. Im starting to think Im a swtich...I dont know...Im all confused.

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 4:18:58 AM)
Lol did you enjoy it? aint that all that matters at the end of the day? I find myself telling Sirs slave to do things and am like oh gosh did i really just say that. lol jsut makes us giggle that i say it and she does it and we dont question it.

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 4:27:04 AM)
yeah I had a blast, I suppose im just haveing questions/fear/angstyness on being ASKED to top someone as opposed to being erm...forced into it in a way like my girlfriend did to me.(not that im upset at her...infact I thanked her later!) I mean like HOW do I do this you know? I mean I understand and have worked out the actual physical sort thing to do to her...but like the attitude is...off im not sure how to act I suppose. Like Im ok with a power exchange of the whole thing, but...I've never been GIVEN pwer over someone...like say I GIVE Sir the power he has over me. But I've never been on the other side of it like I dont TAKE power from anyone or maybe a better word is I dont ACCEPT power over someone..Erm Im confuseing myself. Like I dont know what topspace is, or how to go about getting there. As I said I meditate before my scenes with Sir. It puts me in the right place to serve him...I suppose I can do the same thing, like I repeat mantras over and over again untill I feel "there" before a scene. kind of like "I am His...This is His Will, I am safe with Him" sort of thing. I cant wrap my head around "She is mine, this is our will, She is safe in my arms" You get what I mean? (i say She because the of the Girl who wishes me to top Her)

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 4:41:19 AM)
Top/bottom = physical Dom/sub = mental Master/slave = spiritual They can mix and match. So, you can have a masochistic Dominant slave. :-) Master Fire

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 4:43:54 AM)
thank you Fire!!!! That gives me a..hmm, better idea of how to work this out in my own head.

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:24:24 AM)
You dont HAVE to be anything, thats the beauty of it, just have to go with your gut i guess. If meditating works to get you into the sub mindspace maybe it would to get you into the Top mind space? But if you dont feel you can do it then dont, Or just have a laugh i mean you cant really go wrong can you. Do it once if you get nothing from it then dont do it again. This is differant for me but i hope it kinda makes sense. Girlie and i were having a discussion about sadism, she said she could never hurt someone because it is mean, i said yeah but if i bite you or whatever then im not hurthing you you are ENJOYING it. So for me i can cause her pain and still feel submissive because I am doing it becuase she enjoys it. So you could do the same, see Topping as a way to get her to enjoy herself so it still holds an element of submission (you are submitting to her enjoyment) if that makes sense? I dunno. Just if its too hard to get totaly into the top head space.

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:37:47 AM)
yeah it makes sense. I mean have you ever been with someone who...blaargh. like when I asked a vanilla boyfriend to top me before I ever joined the scene. He did it but..like..he dident enjoy it and I could tell you know? I dont want it to be like that for her. Even though Im sure I would enjoy, I dont want her to feel like she was wrong in submitting to me...since im not a top and it really isnt my style. BAH.......Am I thinking about it to death again?

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:40:22 AM)
LOL i am just the same I think things to death, I have been with men who Top because they wanted to make me happy, sometimes it was terrible sometimes ok but all times it didnt feel quite right to me, but if this girl understands your oriantation then i dont see why its a problem, just see it as a bit of a laugh until she can find someone more appropriate, and who knows you may find actually you LOVE it!! (sorry I am so following you around the boards today in a stalker like manner i cant help it, must be how cute you look in your avater :P)

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:45:29 AM)
Yeah, Im super dooper nervous about that. I mean I know she'll be ok with it, shit we've been friends since we were .....8 or 9. I just want it to be perfect for her because being the type of subby i am....im slightly OCD [:D]. Maybe I should take the subby pants off and put my big girl domme underoos on. (And it's ok Ive been following you around too : p)

mnottertail -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:49:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey Ok so at my last show I had alot of ...interesting things happen. One a Domina friend of mine (knowing full well I am submissive and have never ever topped anyone ever) asked her sissy boys to tend to me before my scene with my Dom. Now nice boys they are they followed me it to the rest room to help me get dressed and, do my hair and what not. Im entierly ok with all of that...sub bonding is always fun. But after I got all that done I need to get into my headspace for the scene, and was complaining to said Domina friend about my back and feet hurting, so she smiled real big and said to her boys "Now you listen to Mistress M, Im going to go pick up food for all of us, just listen to her as you would me" ...I was standing there like an idiot gapeing at her. "Dont worry sis, just tell them what to do they are good boys. I'll be back soon". And so I ordered them to rub my back, feet and meditate with me. WTF IM NOT A TOP. (small tiny tiny voice) but i so got off on that. Another weird thing, old old old friend of mine asked me to top her since Im the only who knows about pony play in our group, and I said yes because I want to see her happy, and being friends for so long I know her limits. And..talking about the whole thing with her and what not, I've been all happy and giddy about that too. Im starting to think Im a swtich...I dont know...Im all confused. remember it is not all about being the menacing and invincible fuck, it is about being in control and having expertise in the situation. One can serenely and placidly bid you do.........without rancor or disaster. Chil the fuck out, dawg!!!!! Ron

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:51:20 AM)
LOL, where can I buy these big girl domme underoos, i think i want to invest in a pair :P If you known her that long then it will be fine, and pony play can have a lot of grooming and prettifying that come on admit it most of us girls love doing anyways. Its cool that you want it to be good for her, but stressing yourself out about it will just mean that you wont have a good time. Ask her what she wants, work pony, show pony etc etc (ohhh i hope she says show pony becuase then you can REALLY prettify her) and dont take it too seriously if you fuck up it doesnt matter really does it. and your in charge so really you cant get it that wrong can you, so long as you talk and that and do what you both feel comfy with. and promise to tell me how it goes cos im soo engrossed in this story now :D

DerangedUnit -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:52:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Top/bottom = physical Dom/sub = mental Master/slave = spiritual They can mix and match. So, you can have a masochistic Dominant slave. :-) Master Fire yes true though it is confusing at times since im a Sadist slave lol and i can act a bit to Dominant at times ... the only time i act tough though is when i want someone to put me in my place then i'll purposly pick fights just so i can get the crap beat out of me lol then im happy and submissive again

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 5:58:58 AM)
I'll so tell you sis!! And she wants to do Dressage...which is show pony and then running her through a short...erm...routine to show how well trained she is. So im kind of looking at it now that i have thought about it as a sort of dance routine that im directing.

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:03:21 AM)
Ahh dressage, thats all graceful and stuff isnt it. And i think that comparing it to dance is probably a good idea because it IS about the visuality of it. The beauty of having costume is that it will allow you to take yourself out of your normal role and step into the other without feeling like its you. Gives you a hell of a lot more freedom i rekon

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:05:36 AM)
Exactly, so Im gonna wear my old riding uniform, and then bring a change of clothes for me and Sirs scene [:D]

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:08:23 AM)
lucky cow wanna swap places? you can sit here and feed my rabbit and ILL dress up then sub to your Sir :P sounds like a perfect day to me

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:11:21 AM)
mwahaha super perfect day, how about I come get you and like I can hide you in my erm..toybox [:D] oh look I derailed my own thread again [:)]

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:21:34 AM)
lol naughty naughty slapped wrist Nah seriously though, on topic i think you will have a good time once you get over the analysing of it all. And if you have full on riding gear, and used to ride yourself you can 'method act' :D

Sunnyfey -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:37:01 AM)
method acting is wonderfull. really I use it being a waitress all the time....i may not like my job but after serveing Sir and being my subby self for so long...damn is it easy. And Im calling pet (mwahahaha) in about 4 hours to go over the steps of the rotine tonight..so cross fingers!

colouredin -> RE: Confused (3/7/2008 6:48:51 AM)
Good luck hun :D have a blast

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