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Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 8:49:38 AM

TermsConditions

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I am a very vanilla person struggling with several issues:

- relationship - both marriage and other interpersonal
- professional
- kinky stuff in my head that will not allow me peace

On advice I'm looking into entering counseling / therapy for asisstance.

Any advice on the following would be appreciated:

What should I consider when chosing a therapist / counselor?

Should I consider the presentation of my issues for the efficiency / clarity / accuracy of my therapy -- is there prework I should do or is that just overthinking the solution?

Can someone give me an idea of what the scope of a reasonable outcome of therapy might be? I know this is impossible to answer due to the nature of the problem and the complete lack of data to work with but what range of outcomes could I possibly expect?

< Message edited by TermsConditions -- 3/9/2008 8:50:32 AM >

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 9:22:24 AM

colouredin

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Therapy is differant for everyone, what you get out of it etc. You need to think about what helps you most, the type of thing you want to talk to, then you need word of mouth about local therapists, ask at your doctors for good practicioners etc and work out what you want from them.

I have had both good and bad experiances with them, one constantly said "how does that make you feel" which didnt work for me, one instead would take something I had said and rephrase it as a question, you cant ness know how good they are until you have been to them, what works for one wont work for another, just try various ones.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 9:34:05 AM

Kaiynasha

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You should interview your potential therapist like it was a job interview. You are hiring them for a service. You should also take into consideration credentials, specializations, and counseling approaches. Are you looking for someone who relies on a person centered approach? Or someone who has a more cognitive behavioral approach to therapy? Are you looking for a psychologists? Or a licensed professional counselor?

You may try searching the American Psychological Association and the American Counseling Association for counselors in your state.

Outcome of therapy is based on the work and goals you want to achieve. You will discuss this with your therapist.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 10:14:58 AM

DesFIP

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What are you looking for as an outcome?

Personally I suggest you do some research into cognitive behavior therapy which is devoted to helping you solve a problem.

As far as finding a reputable therapist, you need to interview them. Ask them how many of their marriage counseling patients have ended in healing the relationship versus ending it. But be advised that marriage counseling has the lowest rate of success.
You also need to make sure they have some knowledge about kink and won't be shocked by your practices or assume it is unhealthy. Just ask them how much they know and how they feel about it.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 11:18:49 AM

SinergyNstrumpet

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I was in therapy right around the time that I discovered my submissiveness. There was only one time that I expressed my submissiveness to the therapist, and the reaction was so negative that I changed the subject immediately and went on to other matters. The "theraputic" relationship did not last, I did not find a new therapist. I have went to see about 5 different therapists in my life... three in high school that attempted to help me after my father passed away (unsuccessfully i might add), one when my marriage broke up, and the last one was my attempt to overcome a phobia of driving. None of them were "right" for me. None of them helped me get to the core issue. I just had to do it myself.

I am still overcoming my phobia, but I am not completely advoidant of it as I was before, not because of the therapy, but because I knew I had to face it if I wanted to have a life with my Daddy... I am afraid of driving, and he lives in the Los Angeles area... if I want to be with him, I have to drive

.

There are kink friendly professionals. If you want to explore this aspect of yourself in therapy I would suggest one of them.

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_keyword&id=285

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 1:00:12 PM

Alumbrado

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Therapy is meant to assist us in regaining use of some faculty...it isn't a cure per se, it is an attempt to get the function restored to an optimal level in some area.
And just as the efforts of a physical therapist would be hindered if the client didn't work with them, say by staying active between sessions, so it is with cognitive therapies... the client, or the relationship between client and therapist can make a big difference in the outcome.

To that end, the more communication the better...ask questions going in (including 'What is your take on people in alternative lifestyles?), and answer questions as though they were meant with the best of intentions.

Also some very good advice in the above posts.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 3:15:00 PM

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Thank you colouredin, Kaiynasha, DesFIP, S's strumpet, and Alumbrado for your observations, thought provolking questions, and advice.

I found a local person in the NCSFreedom.org database; that's where I'm planning on starting as soon as I get some off-the-RADAR "pin money."

TnC

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/9/2008 4:36:41 PM

Bound2One

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As far as prework goes - I'm wondering what your goals are - what do you wish to gain out of therapy? Peace with yourself? Happiness? Help on how to deal with specific issues? If you are able to answer those questions, it may help lead you to the type of therapist you need. This may be one of their first questions - "how can I help you?" If you can't answer that, you may find yourself wandering around in therapy sessions, trying to get to the heart of the matter and, well, while not wasting time, not feeling overly successful either.

You may not be able to answer all questions about what you wish to accomplish, but even being able to pinpoint a general place you wish to be in your life, even though you don't know how to get there - that will probably help you a lot.

As far as choosing a therapist -

- I know that cost is important to me, so you can check with your health insurance policy to see if you have coverage, and who might be in the plan, which may help narrow the search down (if cost is important)

- Decide whether you relate better to a male or female therapist. I've found I've bonded much better with a female in the past.

- Be sure after a meeting or two that this is someone you can find yourself being open with. It may take time to establish the trust necessary for truly deep sharing, but if you get weird vibes or don't like the person - it's just not going to work.

- I do think you should leave most sessions feeling you've accomplished *something*. I had one therapist with whom I felt like I was just rehashing old stuff and not moving forward, which eventually made me quit therapy with her. I found myself not wanting to go each week b/c it felt pointless. Which, yes, was indeed pointless. lol

Best of luck to you!

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/11/2008 6:46:10 AM

ThunderRoad

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Go to NCSFreedom.org and check their "Kink Aware Professionals" link (it's under resources). If you have a kink-friendly shrink, you'll be much more at ease talking about those issues.

Generally, though, a good therapist is there to help you help yourself. They won't tell you what to do or how to think, they will instead help you clear away the bullshit defenses and drama we all erect for ourselves that prevent us from dealing with what's bothering us.

It never hurts to talk to someone.

Of course, you HAVE to have good attitude. If you are negative going in, you'll get it coming out.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/15/2008 8:20:26 PM

kiwisub12

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I was very lucky with the therapist I went to. He is gay, and very accepting. Of course , I had been going to him for 2 years before I found my submissiveness... . I went to him because I was very depressed, and eventually was treated for co-dependency. As far as thinking about what to talk about - you will find that things that seemed important to you before sessions were forgotten during. What your brain thinks is important isn't necessarily what your subconscious wants to be talked about.
One thing I discovered very quickly is that you have to be honest with yourself and your therapist. By my second session I realised that hiding info benefited anyone , and hindered me.
I was in therapy for three years and loved it - it was very important to me. I felt that my relationship with my therapist was the most important relationship in my life at that time, and it truely got me through some bad times.
therapy took me from being celibate and no dating for 10 years after a divorce, to a loving bdsm relationship that is ongoing, for the past 2 years. It took me to a point where I was willing to trust a man with me.- all of me.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 3/17/2008 5:41:57 AM

wandersalone

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The counsellor will probably ask you why you have come to see them and how you feel they can help so if you have some clarity about this in your mind it may be helpful. I imagine that they will ask you to give a brief summary of your main issues/concerns and at the end of the session they will give you some ideas about how they would envisage your future sessions going. They should also give you some sort of time frame - short term vs long term therapy. Be honest with them and trust your instincts, if you feel some discomfort when talking with them let them know - is it because you are talking about confronting issues or some concerns you have about the therapist. Ask any questions that come into your head. And most importantly, they are not mind-readers no matter how skilled they are. You will be the person driving the process. I wish you all the best.

edited to add oops forgot to read it all...in regards to possible/reasonable outcomes it is pretty impossible to say however some ways in which they could assist may be to provide you with some communication strategies to improve your relationships with others, assertiveness skills, cognitive behavioural strategies may centre around the discomfort you feel in your head, it sounds like there is a bit of a struggle going on up there for you... the therapist could provide a range of strategies to assist you to continue living your life in a way that has value and meaning for you and possibly not getting caught up in your thoughts so much.

Often therapy isn't so much about fixing a person's problems but more about learning how to live successfully with them.

These are simply first reaction ideas given the limited information you have given.

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 3/17/2008 5:48:38 AM >

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 4/10/2008 6:39:31 PM

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Many, many thanks to those that responded in this thread. I have some questions and some goals and hopefully a good attitude. The first session is for next week. I feel like I'm headed up that first incline on the rollercoaster headed for I Don't Know What. So it's pretty scary. I have never shared with another person some ot the things I'm prepared to share with this stranger in exchange for $200.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 4/10/2008 9:19:09 PM

Corvidae

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I'd expect to try out a few therapists before finding the right one for you. Set up an appointment with one, go, and see how it feels. If something about their style rubs you the wrong way, then try someone else. This can be a tedious (and possibly expensive) process, but it is worth it if you end up with someone who works well with you.

Certainly there are other things to consider when chosing a therapist:
how many years they have been doing this (sometimes, but not always related to how effective a therapist they are)
what their area of focus is (some therapists might specialize in different areas... relationships, child/teen psychology, whatever)

I wouldn't worry too much about how you present your thougts and worries. Therapy usually isn't straightforward, and it can take some time to uncover and work through your issues. Just talk about whatever comes up during the session.

As for outcomes? as others have said, it varies greatly. Any sort of change usually comes gradually over time, although you may occasionally come to an "aha" moment during a session where you realize something about yourself that you never noticed before.

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RE: Therapy / counseling: What to expect? - 4/11/2008 5:04:32 AM

Phoenix2raven

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I always told/tell people who are looking for a good therapist that it's important to feel comfortable with him/her. Look for how much time they have been in practice and if they specialize in what you are looking for are key to having a good match. Other considerations you may look at. How good are they with advocating for more sesions from the f'in insurence co. That could be important if you begin to make a critical breakthrough and poof your ins stops because your 18 visit limit has run up. @$%^^&^ How the fuck does anyone get better in 18 0r less visits!

The other things to look for are:
1. Are they kink friendly or kink aware? For some that matters alot
2. Do they have a specific approach to help you address your issues. ie. what modality do they use cognitive behavioral, Rational emotive, Jungian. That may sound anal to some but it's your life your dealing with and I 'd prefer to know what the person uses because some therapies work better than others.
3. Last but not least do they work under somebody else's license ie. they only have a BA in psyc but work in a group under supervision from some one with a license or a masters degree.
As for how you present your issues simply go with what troubles you the most or the issue that you are most concerned about or comfortable to begin sharing. The accuracy is up to you staying focused and doing the work your therapist may give you is critical because a therapist is only as good as you make them ie. following the course of treatment.
Pre work can be good if followed by going to counseling. There are lots of great books to learn from but I've always said experiencing it is better than reading about it.
The outcomes from therapy depend on the person. If you want a certain outcome like getting your career on track or resolving a relationship issue then yes I would have to say anything is possible. It's up to you though not your therapist. What you put into it is what you will get out of it. Good luck and have a spanky day just because!

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