Please help, I don't know what to do (Full Version)

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aperfectingangel -> Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:07:27 PM)

[sm=river.gif][sm=river.gif][sm=river.gif] This is my first D/s relationship and it came very natural to me. I am a slave and He is the Master. We met online and he didn't meet me in person until 4 years later. Let's just say I'm really patient and I had a major tradgedy previous to 'meeting' Him so it left me pretty weak and I clung onto him for support.
So excuse after excuse I waited, after all I am a slave and who am I to question my Master no matter what He does right?
Well he came to visit after the 4 years and then had to leave again. Then he came to visit again and proposed to me and left. And the last time he came I found a number in his phone and I found out he cheated on me. I talked to the sub so I got direct evidence as to what happened.
So I'm waiting in a hotel for him to come back because he helped me pack up all my stuff and put it into storage. We are supposably going to move to Maine to a house that he is supposably having built for us.
I haven't had a job for a very long time and he had me bail on school so I lost my chance for any financial aid. So I feel like I've run out of options here.I feel like he is my only option. I have no home, no money, no job. I do have a car! I'm 26 years old and I've got pretty much nothing to show for it.  I also have lost my strength and my mind several times!
I want to settle down and start a family. He insists this is what he wants. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I feel like if I leave him I will have to go to inpatient therapy because I can't handle anything anymore.
Any advice? Please don't laugh at me. Thank you.



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:22:01 PM)

Also, I'd like to add that I am a very intelligent person I've just been broken down into nothing and now I don't know how to start over. I have this ring should I sell it so I can get a a place to live or can he sue me for selling it? 



SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:25:04 PM)

If you have friends or family I would suggest you stay with someone until you are on your feet. Who has been paying your bills before you met him? How have you supported yourself before you met him?

If worse comes to worse, there are homeless shelters out there until you can reestablish yourself.

julia



phoenixinchains -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:25:39 PM)

was monogamy or such expectations brought up before. if they were and that agreement betrayed, maybe it is better to count your loses now instead of collecting more.
i'm sure that "deal breakers" must have been discussed, right? this is a pretty rough start. what is your gut telling you?



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:27:02 PM)

Before I met him I supported myself. I have two cats and I don't know where to put them if I have to go to a homeless shelter. I don't have any friends and no family that can help.



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:28:41 PM)

My gut is telling me that he isn't half as worth what I have given. Yes we were supposed to be completely loyal to each other no matter what. This was discussed A lot. Thank you.



phoenixinchains -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:31:44 PM)

That fight-or-flight reaction is there for a reason. you know that you are worth everything you give to a relationship and deserve the same effort in return. if your gut says run, then run.



SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:33:13 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: aperfectingangel

Before I met him I supported myself. I have two cats and I don't know where to put them if I have to go to a homeless shelter. I don't have any friends and no family that can help.


You have a few choices, homeless shelter, live with him until you can scrape enough together to dump him, or live in your car. It is rather rare that people have no one whatsoever that they can stay with.. no friend with a couch, no family member with some money to borrow...

julia

P.S. I do not know what your intentions are, but there have been more than a few submissives sorts that ran scams on dominants to get money because some doms have notorious white knight syndrome's. Just know that most dominants that post on this message board are well aware of the whole damsel in distress scheme. I am not saying that is the case here, but your posts sound a bit heavy on the "help me i am destitute" thing... which no one on the internet can really help you with, unless you plan on collecting money to help you via doms that post here.





aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:33:17 PM)

k Thank you. The hard part is not letting him suck me back in! Thank you very much you gave me some strength.



phoenixinchains -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:34:46 PM)

can you leave before he comes back?



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:35:37 PM)

No I'm not here to scam anyone. I just need advice. And I know its rare but NO I don't have anyone that can help me. That's why I'm asking for advice here! 



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:36:57 PM)

I'm paid in the hotel until friday so I'm gonna go look for a job tomorrow. He probably wouldn't come back for another month anyway...so I'm not worried about that



aperfectingangel -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:38:44 PM)

Is there a website where you can post names of Doms and subs that will screw you? I would love to make the D/s community aware of him.



proudsub -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:44:29 PM)

quote:

have this ring should I sell it so I can get a a place to live or can he sue me for selling it? 


I'm sorry you are going through this.  Do you have any family that can help you?

As for the ring--my understanding, which is mainly from watching Judge Judy, is that an engagement ring needs to be returned if the engagement is broken off, but after a divorce the rings are yours to do with as you please.



CalifChick -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/12/2008 11:52:34 PM)

An engagement ring is supposed to be returned if the woman breaks it off (breaking the promise to marry him); she can keep it if he breaks it off (by breaking his promise to marry her).  HOWEVER, even if he sues you, the judge would probably side with you that he left you with nothing and you had no choice. And he can't get money from you if you have no money - meaning even if he won in court, then he would be burdened with collecting from you, and do you really think he would be able to do that?? A court judgment is just a piece of paper saying you owe him money - there is no enforcement involved with that.

Cali
(not a lawyer and don't play one on tv)



SailingBum -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/13/2008 4:10:45 AM)

This is one of those times where I call it a life defining moment.  Assess the choices in your life that got you into this situation and vow not to let it happen again.  I wish you all the best.

BadOne



sirsholly -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/13/2008 4:27:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aperfectingangel

I've run out of options here.I feel like he is my only option. I have no home, no money, no job. I do have a car! I'm 26 years old and I've got pretty much nothing to show for it.  I also have lost my strength and my mind several times!



I know you feel tired and weak...but you are NOT out of options. I have no idea of the character of this person but you are isolated and beaten down, primed for an abusive relationship.
Your options lay in your strength, and you most certainly do have it. If you want to be away from him i suggest you begin planning now. If you leave this situation with no plan you will probably end up going back. Please consider a homeless shelter. There are social workers there who can help you.
You are not alone, but you have to make the first move.

*hug*
holly



camille65 -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/13/2008 4:39:40 AM)

Hi apf, it sounds like you feel like you are stuck and I am sorry because that is not a good feeling.I do wonder a couple of things though. Was it actually agreed that he would be monogamous? It may sound silly but if it was not truly discussed and agreed upon then it may well be that he doesn't consider that he cheated on you. How did you come across her phone number? If it was agreed upon by him then yeah he lied. [&:] In either case I think you should talk to him even if it is just by phone. Have you any family that you can turn to? You needn't go into the whole slave/Master thing, you could just say you made a mistake and need a bit of help until you are back on your feet.Try looking for a room for let that permits kitties, they are typically much cheaper than an apartment and often you don't need first/last months rent. Have you any work experience? Even if it is crappy, for now a job is a job and will help stabilize you and give you something positive to concentrate on. About blacklisting.. no there is not. The problem with a blacklist is that it is so very very easy to abuse on both ends. I wish you the very best.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/13/2008 4:42:25 AM)

So let me get this right...you walked away from school, your job, your home and everything you have for a man who found reason after reason to not meet you for four years?????   Now he gives you some kind of line that he's building you a home and has given you a ring and asked you to marry him?  and you said yes?
If he is doing all of this and it's legitimate, then why aren't you there with him in his home that he's living in now?  Why are you in a hotel?  Where is he? 
Something stinks big time.  Open your eyes.  Stop making excuses for him and start making the right decisions for yourself and get your shit together.  You are where you are because of the choices you have made.  No other reason.  You fell for lines and are left with nothing.  Just my opinion.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Please help, I don't know what to do (3/13/2008 4:47:13 AM)

Oh and I'd go and check on you stuff in storage just to make sure he hasn't cleaned you out as you're sitting in the hotel room waiting patiently for him.  Make sure he doesn't have any access to any of your bank accounts too.

Edited to add...go to a jeweler and get your ring appraised.  My money is on it being fake. 
I'm such a pessimist lately,  aren't I.  lol



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