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To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 4:21:51 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have recently started a long distance relationship with a Dom. We are both very intrested in seeing where things go from here but are in no hurry to rush into something. I am not his yet and he has made it clear that I am free to do as I please untill such time as that changes. He has even gone so far as to make a point of telling me that because of the distance ,and that we do not get to see each other r/t much more then every 4 - 8 weeks, That I am free to play with others if I so desire to do so. This has left me torn as I am fairly new to the lifestyle and have yet to experiance many things. I feel very strongly that I want hin to be the one to take me new places and show me new things. Yet I also have needs and have been under a great deal of stress lately...I can't tell you how much I long for a good session right now just to destress. It will be at least 3 - 4 more weeks at a minum before I will get to spend time r/t with this Dom again. My question is if this were you what would you do? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, and if so how did you handle it and what where the repercussions of your decision? Any help or adivse you can give me is very much appreciated.

aurora
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 4:37:39 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I personally will TALK to people on CM but subs for me must be local. Personal issues & the need for reasurrance, play & service are not well served by a line on a computer saying "I'm flogging you now can you hear the leather". It is my personal opinion that "sub care & feeding" are more easily accomplished in person. Learning is a wonderful thing & there are very good websites castlerealm.com being an example that can teach you what is expected. However...the feel of a hand in the middle of your back guiding you into a play party provides invaluable confidence.

This is not to knock the many that have met online only to move for 24/7 but is just something to consider.

(in reply to aurora31)
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RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 5:01:12 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		therose4u,

I am not at all into cyber either nor is he...hence my question. As for meeting someone local thats is very hard to do as I live in a rural area and so far the few I have met haven't got a clue as to what the lifestyle is truely about. Both of ours goal is eventualy ltr with me eventually moving to him if things work out...but that is a very long way down the road. And not something to be entered into lightly.

aurora

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 5:03:01 PM   
Awakener


Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline 		I am in nearlt the exact same situation. I did not start out my current relationship long distance. The women I fell in love with came to this country as part of her studies. She is at university to become a childrens English teacher in France. The program required at least 6 months of school abroad, and she chose here. We met at a used book store, we both love audio books, and saw each other several times and got to talking......
Anyway once school finished she satyed awhile, by then we were just insane for one another. But her Visa was expired and she had to leave. Neither of us is sure what the future holds, and I try my damndest not to think about it at all. We spend every night...well my night her morning on yahoo msngr...and thank god for yahoo...We got head sets so we get to talk for free on Voice over IP...I do not even want to think of the thousands we would spend in talking on the phone. At least one day a week we sacrifice some sleep and spend what woould equel in time to an entire day togethor.
But to the question.
We both struggled over this issue. When first she left I had no desire t all outside of her. nor she for me. but as time goes on things build up. And the fact that we are in love and can not satisfy one another....well it has taken us both to the point of absoloute obsseission.
We both found that our desire and longing was starting to interfear with our lives. neither of us could keep our minds on anything but our longing and lust for one aother.
So we decided to allow our bodies to get what they needed and fee our minds. We both know that there is no chance of losing the other. We both know that what we satisfy with others is pale to our love.
Howvere deciding this and putting it into practice are very diferet things.
I have a female friend whom i have played with for many years and it was to her i turned. And I found it extreamly difficult to....well get into it. i felt guilt and misery and lust and fear and....oh it was not pleasent. Eventually though I found a way that worked. Well worked for me. I coud play and do whatever to her i just found i could not give her...well I just found that I did not need to satisfy myself while with her. That to do other things wa enough. I could then find satisfaction later on my own and the obbsessive behaviour stoped. Unfourtnetly for Andrea this is not always enough for her and it has caused some anger.
I have now found others as well and am sure to figure out more outlets.

So basically there all problems, risks involved and you should way carefully the decision. In our case..well we just could not go on the way it was. You at least get some release so maybe it can be enough.
You have to ask yourself if you think it will hurt more than help. And if you can even do it. I was extreamly suprised to find that I simply could not allow Andrea to bring me to full arousel. Such horrible feelings would begin running through me I just could not stand it. But one of the greater things about this lifestyle is that traditional vanilla sex is not always needed to bring release. There are certain things in sceneing that i just can not do, but much of it I simply do not feel the horrible emotions i do with trying to find satisfaction with straight sex.
Valerie has found things to be the same for her.

I'm sorry thisa is really rambling and maybe incoherent...i hope it maybe helps a litlle.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 7:32:02 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Honestly I would say, go out, socialize and see what happens. Don't feel pressured to play or not play. As you said yourself, you're just seeing where things go right now. If you find some people you want to experiment with, then you can. If you decide in the end that you really want to wait, then you can do that. But making friend is always a good thing and better to have options than not.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/26/2005 9:52:08 PM   
justmira


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hi,

If you really feel strongly that this Dom is for you, another solution is to try and find a Dom local to you who would communicate with your Dom and dominate you in accordance with His wishes when He can't be there.

my exMistress was in America and i'm in Australia. we managed to find a few Dommes who were willing to be Her "hands" so that i could try things real life. An example of this is when Mistress wanted me to have a spanking. She arranged it with a local Domme that we both trusted, and when i turned up the local Domme talked to me and was in charge for that period of time. i wimped out at the last minute (long story), but at least there were a few who were willing to work with us.


cheers
mira




(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 6:52:40 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I am in a committed relationship to my Master and he fully holds my heart in his hands.
At the same time, due to the fact I am new, I play with several others that are my Mentors and Friends.
In most of the literature I've read, it says for you to really understand yourself in this life you should experience several approaches in play during your first year in the life.
If you only play with your Master then you only get a view of what you like that he does. If you play with others it gives you a better view of your own personal paths.
There are things I've found are very hot for me that don't really hold any interest for my Master. Having a friend I can share the heat with enables me to explore my own desires more effectively than I could with someone who's really not into it.
There are lots of people in my local dungeon that scene with friends and are intercourse monogamous to their Masters. Maybe this would be a good avenue for you to peruse. That way part of you will be reserved only for your Master, and at the same time you'll be able to play and find your way on your own too.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 1:31:16 PM   
RainGod


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline 		For some reason I am odd. I just cannot casually play with someone. I need the trust and familiarity that would be found in a deeper relationship in order to truly enjoy the D/s play I love.

I must be honest here. If I were faced with your situation... wanting to play and unable to do so with the one I choose... I would have to see if there were ways to bridge that distance.

Is relocation a possibility for either of you? Could you meet more often if you met halfway? If I could not be with the one I wished to play with, and she could not be with Me, I would honestly have to look for someone closer to home... but I would let the current partner know why I needed to do so.

That's just Me though.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 2:49:27 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

For some reason I am odd. I just cannot casually play with someone. I need the trust and familiarity that would be found in a deeper relationship in order to truly enjoy the D/s play I love.

I must be honest here. If I were faced with your situation... wanting to play and unable to do so with the one I choose... I would have to see if there were ways to bridge that distance.

Is relocation a possibility for either of you? Could you meet more often if you met halfway? If I could not be with the one I wished to play with, and she could not be with Me, I would honestly have to look for someone closer to home... but I would let the current partner know why I needed to do so.

That's just Me though.



Relocation is a definate possibility in the future. I am a single mom so that decession needs to be made very carefully...more so then If it was just me. But yes it is a definate goal once we have to oppertunity to really get to know each other. For me right now he is well worth the wait. But I to also need at least a strong friendship with someone before I would even consider playing with them. As for meeting more often we both have very busy lives and responsibillities and this fall has been especially busy for both of us. We would both like to spend more time together and hopfully things will settle down soon.

(in reply to RainGod)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 3:39:08 PM   
teirtu


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline 		I would find a local munch group and just make friends with other folks. Find a well established couple to befriend. If you're liked, you may be invited to a party and to play in a casual safe atmosphere. Or you can just watch and gain new ideas and perspective on what you like yourself. Just be honest with yourself and others about your situation and what you seek. I think sometimes just having other like minded friends to relate to can ease the ache until you see him the next time.

Hope this helps,
teirtu

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 3:40:07 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I have recently started a long distance relationship with a Dom. We are both very intrested in seeing where things go from here but are in no hurry to rush into something. I am not his yet and he has made it clear that I am free to do as I please untill such time as that changes. He has even gone so far as to make a point of telling me that because of the distance ,and that we do not get to see each other r/t much more then every 4 - 8 weeks, That I am free to play with others if I so desire to do so. This has left me torn as I am fairly new to the lifestyle and have yet to experiance many things. I feel very strongly that I want hin to be the one to take me new places and show me new things. Yet I also have needs and have been under a great deal of stress lately...I can't tell you how much I long for a good session right now just to destress. It will be at least 3 - 4 more weeks at a minum before I will get to spend time r/t with this Dom again. My question is if this were you what would you do? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation, and if so how did you handle it and what where the repercussions of your decision? Any help or adivse you can give me is very much appreciated.

aurora


lusti and myself where in a long distance relationship she in the USA myself here in the UK. I told her the same thing she was free to be with whom ever she wanted as was I, and if fate decided we were to be together then we would be. It took quite a few years but now we live together, so I wouldsay yes go out have fun do what you want and if fate decides you two will be together than you will be.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/27/2005 7:22:30 PM   
subkitten32


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		The idea to find people locally to meet and befriend is a good one. It will help with that ache. If you choose to play, you choose to play. Go with the flow as they say.

kitten

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/28/2005 4:18:33 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Finding Dom locally is not the easiest thing....most I have talked to who call them selves a Dom haven't got a clue. Nor is there any active lifestyle comunity near. The closest munch I have come upon is over a three hr drive and given that my car has spent more time in the shop then my drive way i doubt I will be attending anything soon.

aurora

(in reply to subkitten32)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: To play or not to play????? - 9/29/2005 5:41:33 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just wanted to thank those who responded for there advice. It has given me much to think about as I wrestle with this dificult issue.

aurora

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: To play or not to play????? - 10/1/2005 12:24:44 PM   
RopesandThings


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		go for it aurora, life is too short!

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: To play or not to play????? - 10/2/2005 5:15:30 PM   
wantinaSireorSir


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline 		I have a long distance Master who I see and has given me permission to see other guys. He has stated specifically that until he is satisfied that I should and could deal with other men.

But then the last time i saw him told him only wanted him, and asked if it was okay for me not to see other men. he said that was up to me.

I have seen about 5 other guys since then, but can tell you that none of them make me feel what my Master makes me feel.

wantinaSireorSir

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 16
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