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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 9:49:25 AM

MiladyElaine

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I was born and made through knowledge. Look around and find a good book. If she likes what she reads, it's a step in the right direction.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 10:24:34 AM

Venatrix

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I wrote the OP privately with what I thought was some very good advice. He deleted the email unread. Maybe all he wants us to do is feel sorry for him. The only thing I'm sorry about is that I wasted my time trying to help.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 10:54:01 AM

Tantriqu

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If she's vanilla-submissive in her day-to-day life, she's not Domme material.

Another Domme and I were on another thread discussing 'do me subs', those not interested in lifestyle changes, only the sex for sub's pleasure. you never mentioned what SHE likes.

If you feel her pleasure should come first and foremost, and you get more pleasure from giving an orgasm than receiving, and you help her through her day by performing a thousand little tasks, and you stand up for her beliefs, you're sub material.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 11:11:42 AM

lateralist1

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Girl friends who you can turn into service tops are so much cheaper than pro Dommes aren't they?
Sounds like she loves you and you don't really give a damn about her.
Of course I could be wrong.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 12:39:34 PM

TheFreeSlave

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In my opinion, they can be both....

I think some are born with the the ability and desire to control men.....

I also think some, at some point in life learn the advantage of owning and controlling men.... and learn the nuances of doing it.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 1:00:59 PM

LadyPact

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I'm pretty sure most of us were born. I don't recall anyone posting that they came from a test tube.

Seriously, ok, even I have to agree that the strap on probably wasn't the best gift idea on the planet. (Though it would make a great gift for Me, I'm not your girlfriend.) See, that isn't a gift for her. That's a gift for you. If she wanted it *then* it would be a gift for her. Big difference.

So, you've basically decided that you're kinky and you want x, y, and z done to you. That makes you more of a bottom, in My opinion, and a 'do me' bottom at that. A submissive is a different definition entirely.

I'm not going to join the choir with the standard, 'go see a pro domme' canned answer. Why we tell people that repeatedly on this site, I'll never know. Unless they've gone through the same study as any other counselor in the phone book, they aren't one. They aren't doctors to fix you, or therapists just because they think they are.

I would suggest that you and your girlfriend do some of the reading that was suggested. Don't buy any more toys until *she* wants them. No outfits. No canes. No floggers, crops, dildos, or anything else. Try reading with her. Talking with her, and for heaven's sake LISTEN to her.

Good luck. You might need it.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 1:13:14 PM

Tantriqu

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As to nature/nurture: shy as a child, I became dominant in life as soon as adolescence hit, and I was sexually dominant with my first sexual partner and ever since. My partner had nothing to do with it, since everything was vanilla until I was literally the aggressor, and it was the most natural and unplanned thing in the world to make him kneel and take my pleasure of him.
Exhilirating! As the Chinese say, 'Like eating air'.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/15/2008 1:21:59 PM

DesFIP

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It doesn't sound as though you want a mistress, just a service top. You want her to act out a script designed to give you maximum satisfaction. You haven't asked about what you can do to give her maximum satisfaction. Even if she had some dominant desires, the way you're going about this is likely to turn her off to it.

You need to think about doing things to make her happy instead of demanding she cater to you. When was the last time you rubbed her feet, or drew her a hot bath with perfumed bath oil. Cooked her dinner? Sat at her feet while you watched her favorite show on tv instead of watching yours?

If you start doing things for her, she will be more interested in doing things for you. But the more you tell her she isn't doing it right, she isn't doing enough, the less interested she will be in doing any of it.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/19/2008 9:37:31 AM

DragonLady5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wiltordgreen
I wanted to be dominated and humilated by a strong female. Forced to masterbate, lick her feet etc, eat my own cum and take a strap on.

While I agree with the other posters about you being too pushy and not considerate enough of your gf's needs and wants, I have to say that if my husband came to me like that, I would be the happiest person on earth. Being married to a very vanilla guy I have not been able to indulge in my BDSM interests in real-life. And I respect him and love him dearly. It does not change what I want/need, but my marriage is too important to me to do anything that could damage it.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/20/2008 8:41:42 AM

Dnomyar

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Mistresses are made the minute that someone ask them to be one to them.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/20/2008 6:03:42 PM

MistressDollys

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If she likes to:

control your cock,
tease you (yes, even deny you),
command you to satisfy her needs / her whims,
nurture and take care of you HER way,

and she is:

beguiling,
controlling,
inspiring?

she could be a natural domina. If not, you can teach her to top you if she's interested. The Loving Dominant, has some good techniques, by John Warren.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/27/2008 12:16:53 PM

wiltordgreen

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thanks for all the advice. In answer to mistress dolly, she does like to tease me, control my cock etc. She just seems to hold back.

With regards to the strap on. I only bought that after discussing the subject for a number of hours with her. She said it was strange but was willing to try it .... but never has. Although she has used her dildo on my arse before. very tamely around the entrance. does that maake it less stupied to buy one?

anyway, thanks for all the advice.

can anyone recommend any soft femdom films. They all seem to be quite brutual and off putting. Basically, mild spanking, cock play, humilation etc... but not super hardcore and not saving private ryan

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/27/2008 12:21:41 PM

MistressMeltz

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i think they are both born and made.

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RE: Are mistresses born or made? - 3/27/2008 1:36:07 PM

ShaktiSama

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Sorry, OP. I'm in the "Born not Made" camp myself. I have yet to see a single instance where this much-touted "conversion" process by which a sub male tries to force his submissive desires on a submissive or vanilla woman has ever successfully produced a happy and secure domme. The best I've seen anyone do is to fake it for a few years before an acrimonious divorce.

I know that there are femme dommes here who are more optimistic than I am, and who actually try to help with this process, so I will not go further into Negative Land. I do think it's pretty much universally agreed, however, that the techniques you've been using are absolutely wrong and useless to achieve your desired end. If a woman is ever going to really dominate you, then by definition she must be motivated by her OWN desires--not yours. You cannot strap a dildo to her against her will, and if she was turned on by the thought of wearing a strap-on she wouldn't avoid the act for months at a time. Ditto with verbal humiliation and other aspects of your fantasy life. Making her do it to please you is never going to activate her dominant side. You're just finding new and uncomfortable ways to make a woman submit to you, and judging strictly by your post--she isn't enjoying it much.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 3/27/2008 1:37:01 PM >

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