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Asherdelampyr -> RE: I hate it when........ (9/15/2008 8:28:20 PM)
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Ok, this one is long and messy and kinda explains why I have been keeping my distance, read at your own peril... I hate being sick, feeling too tired to move, feeling like I have the plague. looking like shit. (Vanity thy name is Asher) I hate that in a few weeks my um will no longer be living with me, she will be going with her mom, at least I got to be ther for her first birthday, but how many will I have to miss? I hate that people either want to ask over and over why I am not fighting for custody or tell me that she is going to use her like a bargaining chip. I hate when people get what they want, walk away from it and then get sad when they realize that they cant have it back just because they say they are sorry I hate that my own anxiety about my father is getting in the way of my happiness about finally moving home I hate that when my grandmother sees me I know she will think I am him first and scream out, or cry, or worse and I cant do a damn thing to stop it. I hate that I have to carry yet another supervisor through her fucking job just so I can get the tools to do mine. I hate that I cant be happy for my own mother advancing because I know that as we work for the same company it stops be from being able to. I hate that the only real emotions I can seem to bring up right now are anger, fear and lust. I hate feeling like I am living in a world that no matter what I did nobody would notice unless I fucked up, then everyone sees I hate that my grandmother sees me as a fuck up, as someone who can never do anything right, and yet my cousin who (with his woman and child) are now living in her house because they got evicted for not paying rent for over two months because they refused to get a job that was "beneath them" is "just having a hard time" I hate that I cant talk with my friends without the conversation turning to the shit Ravel did to me, or might do to me or the um. I hate this nasty obsessive lonlieness I feel when I am not talking to someone and I hate more the feeling of burdening someone else, I post this here because reading it is a choice, so I figure I am not unduly burdening anyone.
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