RE: The "Is there something wrong with me Dliema"

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RE: The "Is there something wrong with me Dliema&q... - 9/29/2005 10:43:30 PM

LADYBOA

Posts: 54
Joined: 5/24/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

They are nice though! Think you'll be in Philly one day soon?

HEHEHE... TY... I like them too!! hmmmmmmmmm.... don't think so... you could come to wash. st.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: The "Is there something wrong with me Dliema&q... - 9/30/2005 4:31:19 AM

subkitten32

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
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In regards to the original post...

I have gone through this whole is there something wrong with me...I fell in love with a vanilla man and I thought I could give up this lifestyle. I was wrong, I always thank God that he cheated on me and brought me back to reality. I knew sometihng was wrong with our relationship and he did try to get involved in BDSM for me but his heart was not in it. I take my responsibility for the situation and Yes I have told him that our break up was the best thing for both of us, and we are now friends. I now know what I like and I go for it no holds barred and no doubting myself!

kitten

edited for spelling

< Message edited by subkitten32 -- 9/30/2005 4:32:31 AM >

(in reply to LADYBOA)

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RE: The "Is there something wrong with me Dliema&q... - 9/30/2005 10:14:18 AM

hawk58

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
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I think we have all been there done that at some point or another.

Hawk: I tried a vanilla mariage for several years, it didnt work. I tried a marriage for 14yrs that included kinky play in the bedroom. While that was fun, a big key ingredient was missing for me. Then another marriage later, I thought I found someone who might be submissive (not just a kinky bedroom player) but found she was needy, not submissive. Later in the mariage, found she had more needs than I could ever take care of. (Mental issues, bi-polar, manic depressive. She wasn't diagnosted with these disaorders until after we were married, so neither of us knew it.)

Finally, I decided it was time to get it right. I wanted and needed a submissive, who enjoys a little kink too. Someone who is strong in body mind and spirit, who can give herself to me. Thats where dove came in 4 yrs ago.

Yes there are times when being the Dominant can be dificult. The responisibilities of being a good Dominant are tremendous. At times I wonder if it would be easier to be "vanilla". But then, I know now, that so much of what I want and require would not be in my life, if I took that route. Each day is a challange to maintain the integrity of a Ds relationship, but well worth the efforts. Either path, vanilla or lifestyle, maintaining a relationship is alwas work, and is seldom easy. But then again, the best things in life seldome are.

dove: I tried a vanilla marriage for 13 yrs. It definitely missed what i wanted and needed from my 1st taste of a Ds relationship, that i had at an early age. I also bottomed for several dominants, as well as wore a few collars that didn' fit right. But it was all a learning exerience which taught me more about myself, who i was, and what i wanted and needed in a D/s relationsip.

Like Master says, sometimes the responsibilities are hard. Its not always an easy path for me to be a slave. Having to concede to another's will sometimes means that i have to humbly leave my will and wants aside, to let his come 1st. If there is a task to be done, and i dont want to do it, simply put, i have to suck it up, and do it, whether i find it pleasant or not. But would i find any task Master wanted done, so unpleasant as to leave the lifestyle over? I certainly dont think so. He helps fulfill the need i have within me to serve and submit, in a safe structured enviroment.

To leve the lifestyle would leave me wondering.... who or what would i submit to? That would leave me feeling utterly lost, and unfullfilled.

_____________________________

-Sir Hawk

Master of dove's Haven

"True Power/Control is knowing that You have the ability to use it, but choose not to."

Hearts in Service:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HeartsInService/

(in reply to lonewolf05)

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RE: The "Is there something wrong with me Dliema&q... - 9/30/2005 4:08:37 PM

Detmastered

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Joined: 9/7/2005
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For what it is worth up until I found this site, I assumed I was just the average Joe vanilla with a furtive imagination and way too much time spent thinking about sex. Growing up in a rural area I also assumed that the old fashioned ways of the husband/boyfriend being a gentleman/protector/leader were just the way things were. 20 years of being "VANILLA" and one day I log in to this site and look around and read the listing of things designated here as the life style and I realize a large number I had already explored and experienced.

To me the difference in the two sides is where you start from the "Vanilla person starts thinking they have to fit into the "Vanilla world" and those in the lifestyle start by assuming they won't.

Lets look closely this isn't just sex we all are looking for someone who has similar interests we can enjoy spending time with. Now the Vanilla starts assuming missionary position and expand from there each step a little afraid they will cross some line that will make there partner jump up screaming and run away, the more confident they are the more likely they will push the envelop farther and farther.

Now I can't say how a relationship will start in the lifestyle since I have yet to meet anyone who is in the lifestyle. I am starting by looking for someone who I can relate to as a person. The excitement for me lies in the fact that I would be starting with someone who not only will enjoy various aspects of the lifestyle but expect it.....

Just the thoughts of an average Vanilla Joe who didn't realize I wasn't on the Vanilla path like everyone else. It is like someone driving down the Highway and finally rounding a corner and seeing a road sign and they finally see where they have been going there whole life.

The point of all this is you will be who you are no matter what title tag or name you put on it.

(in reply to hawk58)

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