~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~

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~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 3:34:41 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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Pardon the Cat Stevens Title but I have been thinking again and we all know that that can be a dangerous activity.

What got me thinking was things I did when I was just starting out. You know the silly things that I thought were "The WAY" and how stupid I mush have looked and how many people I really let down because I carried myself so high and cound't always deliver.

I have been thinking in particular to a scene I called a "Sensual" scene because at the time I was a "Sensual Sadist" and the scene consisted primarily of inappropriate touching and heavy petting and other sexual perversions. It lasted less than a half hour and at the end I thought I had done this great job, but thinking back today I think they were just very confused as to what just happened.

I have since stopped calling myself a Sensual Sadist and accepted that play is a desire of mine and call myself what I am today. Me.

Does anyone else have similar stories of thier own misdoing? I know we all have MILLIONS of stories about wanna be's but I want to know on a personal level the things you reflect back on and think to yourself "How stupid/lost must I have been back then."

As Always

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 3/16/2008 3:35:19 PM >

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 4:15:46 PM

catize

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I started out with many misperceptions and the first few years were a learning curve for me as well. The incident that stands out in my mind is the first time I met with S. He sat me down after and said that I was ‘acting’ submissive. That really offended me! But I took his words home with me and set out on a path to learn to give over authority in a meaningful way. I mentioned it to him recently; he had no idea what impact his words had had on me although he says the results have been amazing.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 4:49:50 PM

SinergyNstrumpet

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quote:

Does anyone else have similar stories of thier own misdoing? I know we all have MILLIONS of stories about wanna be's but I want to know on a personal level the things you reflect back on and think to yourself "How stupid/lost must I have been back then."

No, I never feel stupid because I was ignorant about something anymore. Life is about discovering things for me, and the most valuable things I discover are things I did not know about myself before. I call this learning and introspection... one is static without it.

Are there things that I have learned about my submissive nature and my masochistic side that have changed the way I view myself? Oh yes, and I am sure there will be many more things that I discover that will shed light on my inner being. There is nothing "stupid" about who I was just a couple of years ago in relation to who I am today, with one exception. I allowed my common sense to take a rain check for a short period of time upon discovering my submissiveness... that ol sub frenzy thing. But even then I was not "stupid", just learning.

julia

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 5:54:12 PM

Leatherist

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I was a an evil sadistic little fuck as a kid, and all that's really changed is that I got bigger.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 7:31:04 PM

DrummerDom

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Joined: 2/16/2008
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Mistakes are how we learn. I attempted my first suspension (by the wrists) at about nine or ten years old as part of a tie-up game. I don't know if it would have gone as I planned cause my dad came running over shouting "Stop that, you'll break her wrists."

I still don't know everything, but at least my mistakes haven't been as possibly disastrous.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/16/2008 7:40:41 PM

TracyTaken

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FR: I am very different now than I was when I was in the school yard. I was not stupid back then, I just didn't know much.

I am very different now than what I was ten years ago. The last novel I read changed me. The many that I've read in a lifetime changed me. Watching people I loved die changed me. This forum changed me ... every new idea I encounter has an impact. If I live to be hundred, I'll think that the me of now just didn't know much. I'm with you in that I'm not as willing to stick a tag on what is I am. When I first learned that I wasn't the only freak in the world who felt "that way," I grabbed at labels because it made me feel like I fit somewhere. Now the labels make me feel estranged from reality.

Maybe it's all part of the process.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 4:13:52 AM

TysGalilah

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Once upon a time..............

I was rarely in the equation.

They say that " indifference" is one of the most painful reactions to feel from someone you are invested it.
I spent alot of time being indifferent to myself.

I have always loved helping or being helpful~
being caring and loyal~
enjoyed the feeling of being in service~
creating comfort, an environment of happiness and pleasure~
listening~

...but I was rarely in those equations.

I use to feel emptied so much of the time....and used things to fill that hole, and feel some kind of rejuvination of energy ( even knowing it was only a temp fix).

now, I can say " including to myself" at the end of each of those highlighted statements.
now, I choose to be around those who's good energies flow also.

I learned that my submission shouldn't feel like an bottomless pit of giving.
I learned that giving of myself ( and submission ) can be flowing energy, that comes back to me stronger and re-energized.

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 11:07:57 AM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

Once upon a time..............

I was rarely in the equation.

They say that " indifference" is one of the most painful reactions to feel from someone you are invested it.
I spent alot of time being indifferent to myself.

I have always loved helping or being helpful~
being caring and loyal~
enjoyed the feeling of being in service~
creating comfort, an environment of happiness and pleasure~
listening~

...but I was rarely in those equations.

I use to feel emptied so much of the time....and used things to fill that hole, and feel some kind of rejuvination of energy ( even knowing it was only a temp fix).

now, I can say " including to myself" at the end of each of those highlighted statements.
now, I choose to be around those who's good energies flow also.

I learned that my submission shouldn't feel like an bottomless pit of giving.
I learned that giving of myself ( and submission ) can be flowing energy, that comes back to me stronger and re-energized.

Very beautifully stated Galilah. Regarding indifference - i would rather feel hatred and wrath than indifference because with the former at least you know you made an impression.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 11:10:04 AM

niceballs

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Anyone here from massachusetts?

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 11:12:35 AM

mnottertail

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I don't think SteelofUtah is.

Ron

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 11:14:12 AM

MissHarlet

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From: El Paso , TX US
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quote:

ORIGINAL: niceballs

Anyone here from massachusetts?

And that has what to do with the thread ???

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 12:06:07 PM

rook42

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"I remember before I was older and wiser...Why, back in those days, we had to walk 20 miles to school, uphill both ways. I thought that if you trolled enough topics, someone would bite, and you'd hook up. About 5 minutes ago, in fact... Man, have I changed since then. ASL?"

Steel... One of my first impromptu implements for bondage was computer cabling. If I had dressed her up as Leia from star wars, I'm sure a pic could give any geek a heart attack- dork's wet dream. Still smackin myself over using the cabling though. My shears could probably still cut through, but I had no idea whatsoever to test at the time.

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 12:48:58 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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^ That was funny I don't care who you are.

Yup that would have been a Geeks wet dream. Yes if you have EMT Shears it should have cut through the only real issue would habe been then Knots hitting presure points.

Steel

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RE: ~Remember the days in the Old School Yard~ - 3/17/2008 5:31:27 PM

TysGalilah

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Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

Once upon a time..............

I was rarely in the equation.

They say that " indifference" is one of the most painful reactions to feel from someone you are invested it.
I spent alot of time being indifferent to myself.

I have always loved helping or being helpful~
being caring and loyal~
enjoyed the feeling of being in service~
creating comfort, an environment of happiness and pleasure~
listening~

...but I was rarely in those equations.

I use to feel emptied so much of the time....and used things to fill that hole, and feel some kind of rejuvination of energy ( even knowing it was only a temp fix).

now, I can say " including to myself" at the end of each of those highlighted statements.
now, I choose to be around those who's good energies flow also.

I learned that my submission shouldn't feel like an bottomless pit of giving.
I learned that giving of myself ( and submission ) can be flowing energy, that comes back to me stronger and re-energized.

Very beautifully stated Galilah. Regarding indifference - i would rather feel hatred and wrath than indifference because with the former at least you know you made an impression.

Agreed : ) thanks Velvet

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