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katie978 -> RE: He's scared to hurt me (3/22/2008 7:54:36 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Torimi
...is scared that he will overstep my limits and thus make me feel like a victim.
I suggest that you two have a session where you just experiment with pain (as that seems to be the area you're having issues with). Drop the D/s dynamic or the sex or anything else if it will get in the way.
He's afraid of overstepping your limits, and that you won't safeword out. Since he's not sure you'll tell him when he's hitting too hard until it's too late, have him ask you the intensity of the strike AFTER EVERY STRIKE. Sure, it won't be as sexy as a full-on scene, but it will help you communicate with him without getting caught up in the scene and letting yourself get hurt. It will also help him have a baseline of what your limits are.
As far as feeling like the victim, I suggest you choose the toys for the above-mentioned scene, or any time thereafter. It's hard to get into the victim headspace when you're choosing what he's victimizing you with! He could take this even farther, you pick the weapon of choice, choose how many strikes and to what body part. Sure, it loses some of the sexy D/s-ness, but it would help you overcome your shyness and would help both of you feel like you have equal say in the play.
When you're new, you can't nessecarily jump into things feetfirst, it takes some time feeling out yourself and your partner to understand what you both are looking for. It can be hard to speak up in the bedroom, but you probably would only have to do the above a few times before he figured out how much you could handle. I hope this kind've helps you two. Good luck!
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