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Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 7:09:38 AM

petitekitty

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/28/2005
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Ok here is the deal, I am not looking for a 24/7 lifestyle experience. I am not denegrating those that are, but why is it automatically inferred or blatantly stated that because i do not choose the 24/7 experience that i am somehow just a player. And not worthy of being on this site. Or I am a pretender. Are we not all players in life? Because i seek and desire being submissive in a sexual context should not make me scum of the earth. Sometimes I feel that those on here pretend that sex has nothing to do with what takes place in a submissive relationship. Well I am certain that for some that is the case, but obviously it is not for most, or why all the sexual questions in the profile form?

I guess my misgivings revolve around those on here that seem to want everyone to think and be of like mind. Variety is indeed the spice, it is the differences that make life interesting. And just because one thinks or acts different does not necessarily make them superior or inferior, most times it just means they are different.

I do understand that the physical is secondary to the mental state of submission. But why must I be chastised for wanting the physcological asspects of submission to lead to sexual satisfaction? I guess I am not wanting to argue with folks, just more venting my feelings. So for those Mistresses out there that feel sex can be a part of this freedom, i applaud you.

Ok the end, petitekitty

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 7:14:35 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

The most important things are that you are comfortable with what you want in a relationship and finding someone who is your complement.

I try to avoid terms like "true" and hate ones like "pretender." All too often they just mean to the user of them "he/she has a different scene than I have" or, worse, "he/she won't play with me."

Just stay the course and good luck in your search

< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 9/29/2005 7:15:10 AM >

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 7:28:15 AM

dommemagnet

Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
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You'll find all kinds of people here. Some are looking for soul mates, others are simply interested in new experiences (players, trolls & other derogatory terms). I find it interesting that on a sexually themed site dealing with fringe topics such as we do, there are many judgemental people only too willing to denigrate another because they don't share the same interests, kinks or relationship goals.

Ah well, such is life. As you never know until you meet them whether they are living an online fantasy themselves, I wouldn't pay much attention to the derogatory comments. You know what you are looking for. Rest assured there are others here and elsewhere looking for the same thing. It's up to you to separate the wheat from the chaff all the while ignoring those of narrow mind.

Good luck.

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 8:13:40 AM

MistressKay

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/6/2004
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There are two trains of thoughts on this topic - the old school of bdsm states that bdsm is an erotic exploration of self and although sensual is not necessarily sexual - this is what I learned in my early years with a bdsm community. So many erotic people gathered to share at private play parties and yet there was not one kiss. It was the endorphin play, the power rush, the erotic but non-sexual nature of it that although fun left much to be desired for me personally.

The newer train of thought is bdsm AS foreplay in a sexual exploration. This has not hit mainstream bdsm communities who tend to keep their sex life behind closed doors and only show the bdsm without sex at fetish events. But that is slowly changing and more sexual bdsm will eventually take over the old guard approach to bdsm at private play parties. More and more fetish events are being held in swingers clubs simply for the sake that it is sexual foreplay to so many.

Whether you choose to explore the mental aspects of submission without sex.. or the erotica of sexual bdsm activities... doesn't really matter in the bigger scheme of things.

Let's face it - labels mean nothing except what we personally apply to them. Anyone who would tell you that you are not "real" isn't worth wasting your energy talking to. You are real and your interests are real - in time you will find that special partner who not only understands your more sexually driven desire but will return them 10 fold as you use bdsm to intensify the passion of two bodies sexually enjoying each other.

Lady Kay
Ottawa, ON Canada

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 8:55:02 AM

petitekitty

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Joined: 9/28/2005
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Thank you for your reply to my post. The ones i have read so far have been supportive, and already making me more optomistic about this afterall. Anyway thanks again for your thoughts. I appreciate your taking the time to write them in response to my concerns. Cindy

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 9:20:40 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'd advise being upfront about the type of relationship you want.
Secondly to pay close attention to what others' porfiles say they are looking for.

If someone insults you because of your interests, try to remember that she/he was not the type of person you'd have a good relationship with anyway. I know that will be hard because rejection of any type hurts.

*shakes head* I just don't get folks who feel the need to attack others' interests as long as they are consensual. Is it the same motivation as any other form of bullying? A lack of self-esteem equals the need to attack others?

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 9:36:15 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
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Maybe the problem is that you might be taking far more negative of a view on what the term "player" means. Maybe the people who are separating themselves by using the term have no bad feelings about your choices at all, they just need to be clear that THEY are lifestyle/long-term/relationship oriented.

Does the word "player" have bad connotations to YOU? To me, it doesn't, it simply means that you would not be someone I would pursue as a relationship/companion/family. It's just a word, it is only as negative as you make it out to be. If I just wanted someone to have fun with for an evening, then "player" would be what I was looking for. Sometimes, what one person perceived as being an insult has nothing at all to do with the person speaking the word.

Now, just a tip... You are obviously a good writer. There is more wonderful points of interest in your first post here than in your profile. If you wanted to expand your profile to mention much of your beliefs above (without the whining, keep it positive) you might get a lot more attention. You do not do yourself justice at all in the profile. Your post here explains that you actually have thought deeply about this and made a choice rather than the profile that just has the "DoMe" aroma of far too many other profiles out there but people who have NOT thought it through and made the choice.

Good luck. Keep positive.

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RE: Freedom to be different - 9/29/2005 11:16:13 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
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quote:

I guess my misgivings revolve around those on here that seem to want everyone to think and be of like mind.

=======

yeah. that's called ..pets.. i know i know

"I" have fought that all my life. social prejudice. i know.
but
you WILL find others on here that DO and WILL accept you as-you-are.

take care.
wolf

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