Question about Pro Domme

Question about Pro Domme (Full Version)

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worshipyourfeet -> Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:16:51 AM)
I might already know the answer to this one but i'll ask anyhow. I've had a couple sessions with a pro domme which i've enjoyed. She also seems to enjoy these sessions and does not watch the clock. i'm looking for some type of relationship where there is some real exhange of mutual affection. The bottom line is there is no meeting with her unless there is tribute. Am I looking in the wrong place for a meaningful relationship or can one have a meaningful relationship with a pro domme?

MistressKay -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:21:56 AM)
It is possible to have a meaningful relationship with a pro-domme but before that can happen you have to stop the professional service provider / client relationship. Ask her if she is interested in a "relationship" outside of the professional services. If she is then go for it, if she isn't then you have your answer and may need to look elsewhere. Most pro-dommes do it because they love the expensive toys, equipment and fetwear that they wouldn't be able to afford without being a pro. Perhaps a good alternative place to start is to find out "why" she does what she does... does it pay her bills, or does she do it for the new toys and fun of it all. wishing you all the best, Lady Kay Ottawa, ON Canada

Sartoris32801 -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:23:21 AM)
Define meaningful relationship Sartoris

worshipyourfeet -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:34:26 AM)
For me meaningful would be an exchange of mutual affections.

prettyfellowme -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:45:54 AM)
Does that mean you want to tell each other how cute you look, or play hide the salami? That's very vague.

JohnWarren -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:48:23 AM)
I know quite a few professional dominants who are also active in the nonprofessional BDSM world and I can't recall a single one whose regular partner began as a client. Sadly, the initial relationship seems to create a label which sticks. It becomes very hard for a woman who sees a man as a "client" particularly in this world to move him into the "lover/partner" category. One of my best friends in the scene met me when he was a client at Inner Explorations. We had him as a guest at our home many times and introduced him (with enthusiasm) to a number of non-professionals. However he became enchanted with one of the professional dominants and tried for years to convince her to have a social relationship with him. She simply couldn't "see" him as anything but a client. It's worth mentioning that she was active in the non-professional scene and had a number of lover-submissives in that time. I won't say it can't happen but the odds seem against it.

keptcaged -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 8:56:12 AM)
i think i have found myself in a similar situation. i have mentioned to her that i would enjoy being of service to her, like bring her lunch, run errands, etc. i'm going to try to impliment that soon without any "attention" to myself expected, which to me is what would be involved with a meaningful relationship with a dominant. Like the Lady said, the worst she can say is no. (But if She said no, i have a hunch She would use your revelation against you in the next session and you would love it! Ha!

worshipyourfeet -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 9:04:16 AM)
I believe keptcaged understands what I'm trying to convey. I don't expect her to become my lover. But it would be nice if she wanted to see me at other times where tribute was not required. For instance have lunch or dinner together. Take a hike in the park. (etc). If she considered me a friend and not just a client.

lonewolf05 -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 10:27:02 AM)
with a pro domme? m a y b e ... my 1st was a pro...had HERSELF a live-in steady boyfriend that had been with Her for a few years already when i got there.. it IS possible,..yeah. wolf

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 11:01:31 AM)
I say no. She likes you as a client, you have excellent chemistry as it is, trust me, you have no idea who "she" is. I'm sure it's happen in a blue moon that a provider or pro-domme will have a non-pro relationship with a client...but I think it's a lot like psychiatrists, far better to keep things professional.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 1:14:11 PM)
quote: i'm looking for some type of relationship where there is some real exhange of mutual affection. By all means, if this is the kind of relationship you want, you should get out there and seek it. But I don't think it's reasonable to pursue it with someone that you've been seeing on a pro basis.

AAkasha -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 1:25:00 PM)
The more skilled the pro domina, the more connected and "real" the power exchange will feel and the more personal it will seem. As others have mentioned, the worst thing that could happen is she would decline an offer for coffee or lunch. You can put it out there and see what she says. Try not to base your ideals on what a relationship would be by comparing it to a pro domme session minus the fee. You are doing yourself a disservice because it's unrealistic. She's providing a service and is obligated to fill the time you pay for by framing her dominant energy and her skills according to your fantasies. That doesn't mean she's faking it, though. A relationship (without money) with a femdom is going to be different because you can't get all the attention, the fetishes met, the fantasy fulfilled in the time frame or to the extent that you want, when you want it. A femdom who does it for herself and not for money will dominate according to her energy level, her own fantasies and fetishes, and as it appropriately fits for her. Some subs who see pros frequently imagine that a relationship with a non-pay femdom will be like seeing a pro a few times a week but not paying for it. Akasha

IronBear -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 7:55:01 PM)
I have a good friend who is also a Pro Domme, our relationship is based on friendship and as a mentor. However if I get to a stage where I was her to over look a session where I am practicing something like an extended needle play, or Shibari, I also will want to be able to at least offer to pay for her time. At least the offer is make without any tugs on our friendship basis. I like to be able to separate the boundaries of friendship and a professional aspect of my relationships with my professional friends. Asking and giving favours are something different which plays an important part of my life.

MsIce -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/29/2005 10:26:04 PM)
I disagree with the idea that because someone has been a client to a Pro Dome it would not be possible to become something other than that. I believe a good way to start would be to offer your services for tasks. Help her, by doing simple things as already suggested. That is if she has any interest. What everyone should always remember is this: She might be a Pro Domme, but above all else she is person with emotions. I do agree however that for many the thought of having a relationship would be that they might expect that every time with that person would be akin to a session. Not so I believe that the majority of men visit Mistresses for a variety of reasons, the main one is that perhaps they couldnt sustain such a relationship long term, but desire an outlet for their desires on a short term (session) basis

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/30/2005 10:03:02 AM)
Pro dommes see many different kinds of clients, and we all have our own selection processes. I only select clients that I like at some level, that I feel I can get along with, and that I can have a successful scene with. Some will see pretty much anyone. I have to respectfully disagree with Ms Kay about many pros only being in the business to support their toy habit----what kind of service would I be providing if I didn't have the trappings to go along with my skill in the first place? But we all have different experiences, and I know many lifestyle women who will take on occasional clients for the cash---and find that they really hate professional domination! I get to know my clients as people as well as I can, and some of them open up to me quite a bit. At the same time, I don't really open up to them. There is a bank of information that I share in general, rather like the information that I would share here---public domain stuff. It's easy to develop an attachment to the fantasy, and think that the entire person is what's known. I do have clients who have become friends----at which point, they stop being clients. Do they stop doing things for me? No. But tribute is not just money---or it shouldn't be, IMO. If a person is my friend, they are not just seeing me in a play situation, in costume. They are getting to see aspects of my entire life. Me with a sinus attack. Me after a long day at the office. Me in a loose sundress and flip flops and no makeup. The point to this ramble: yes, it's entirely possible for a client to transfer into a personal submissive or even a lover for a pro domme. The only way to know if it will work for you is to ask. Pros are used to clients developing crushes on them. We are also, unfortunately, used to clients trying to cut a deal. Tread carefully, and think in advance about what you will do if your answer is "no". Ms Francine

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/30/2005 12:46:12 PM)
quote: I know quite a few professional dominants who are also active in the nonprofessional BDSM world and I can't recall a single one whose regular partner began as a client. Sadly, the initial relationship seems to create a label which sticks. It becomes very hard for a woman who sees a man as a "client" particularly in this world to move him into the "lover/partner" category. One of my best friends in the scene met me when he was a client at Inner Explorations. We had him as a guest at our home many times and introduced him (with enthusiasm) to a number of non-professionals. However he became enchanted with one of the professional dominants and tried for years to convince her to have a social relationship with him. She simply couldn't "see" him as anything but a client. It's worth mentioning that she was active in the non-professional scene and had a number of lover-submissives in that time. I won't say it can't happen but the odds seem against it. I know a nationally known, fairly popular professional Domme who's marrying a man who was once her client next month. I would agree with John that it's rare, but it does happen. Lily

prettyfellowme -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/30/2005 1:02:16 PM)
And I know a pro domme who met a man for a session and refused to see him professionally. She married him a short time later. Unfortunatly, she's in the market for another live in sub to replace her now ex-husband. In response to lady Hibiscus, I respectfully disagree with your statement that pro dommes have the trappings. I met one very sucessful domme that didn't have a straightjacket because she said she couldn't afford it. I met another who doesn't even own a spreader bar for her bondage scenes. many pro dommes lack the proper equipment to handle a variety of scenes. I realize they can improvise, and toys (I prefer equipment) can be very expensive. I've actually seen profiles on this site where the pro domme required the sub to rent a hotel room, and supply his own equipment. I don't think she was for real in the sense that she was a pro. Maybe just stasrting out. While it is true that the successful pro dommes have the means to buy new toys and equipment, I think many struggle to make ends meet.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/30/2005 6:37:41 PM)
quote: I've actually seen profiles on this site where the pro domme required the sub to rent a hotel room, and supply his own equipment. I don't think she was for real in the sense that she was a pro. Maybe just stasrting out. While it is true that the successful pro dommes have the means to buy new toys and equipment, I think many struggle to make ends meet. You must be Karnak......

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (9/30/2005 9:23:27 PM)
It's not possible for one person to have EVERYTHING. I don't have a straightjacket, either, since the last one tattered away. Haven't missed it. I don't have a vacuum bed, either. Or a dental chair. There are lots of specialty items that are not necessary for most scenes. /end of hijack/

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Question about Pro Domme (10/1/2005 4:46:59 AM)
quote: It's not possible for one person to have EVERYTHING. I don't have a straightjacket, either, since the last one tattered away. Haven't missed it. I don't have a vacuum bed, either. Or a dental chair. There are lots of specialty items that are not necessary for most scenes. For sure. After many years of "doing my part for the toy makers' economy", I have more toys than many prodommes, and far more than necessary LOL And still...I certainly do NOT have everything. Those clever bastards that make toys keep coming up with new and evil things, so how could anyone possibly do that? LOL I think to expect even a pro to have "everything" is unrealistic....and pretty shallow.

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