how much changes after you give up control

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how much changes after you give up control - 7/16/2004 1:39:32 PM

lookingwithin04

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline

hello,

I am a fairly new submissive, although i have been with my current Dom. for over a year, 8 months online, and phone, and then we moved onto a real time relationship.

I was wondering how much changes after you find yourself willing to give up all or the majority of your control to your Dominant?

Does that mean you have to give up your safe word?

Does that mean you now have to sleep on the floor at night instead of in your Master's bed?

Does that mean you have to accept and take things that are painful that aren't ment to be?

What exactly does it mean?

I really need help here, i dont understand and cant seem to find the answers any where else. Thanks.

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 7/16/2004 1:56:20 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It really sounds as though you need to start communicating with your Dominant. At least more than you are now.
For me these things would have been discussed long ago. Live and learn though.

I replied to this same question in the other forum.

No matter what any advice any of us give you. The ultimate decision is still going to be made between the two of you. How do you feel about no more safe word? If we say you deserve to have one. Is he going to have his hand smacked?

Tell us how we can help.

(in reply to lookingwithin04)

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 7/16/2004 4:02:30 PM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
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As much changes as the two of you agree changes. No one can answer this question for you, because there is no One True Way. We aren't all made from cookie cutters and we all get to do wiitwd in the way that works best for us personally.

Oh, and we get to change our minds too, as we grow and learn and change as people.

Is sleeping on the floor an idea that makes you and your partner hot? Then go for it. But 5 yrs from now when you have arthritis, be willing to renegotiate, hm? It works the same way for pretty much all of your questions.

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 7/16/2004 4:07:40 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

It sounds to me like you need to let your dom know your limits, especially concerning pain. He may push them and you may learn to like some things you never thought you would. A D/s relationship involves some negotiation unless you have told him you are a slave with no limits. Personally i wouldn't stay with someone who made me sleep on the floor regularly. I would accept it as a punishment or in a scene only. Also i will never give up my safe word. There is another thread on that if you are interested:

safewords

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 7/17/2004 3:12:54 PM

pixieunleashed

Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline

I think it all depends on the realtionship and the parties involved. I have been in realtionships where nothing really changed as far as how things were handled, only personal "status" when referring to my partner to other people. I have been in relationships where as soon as the "commitment" was made, I woke up with a completely different person.

It also depends on what the two of you value more, sometimes. If you value your ideal of a D/s relationship, more than you value the person you are with, things are apt to get heavy as soon as that person doesn't live up to your expectations.

If you value the person more than your D/s status you can work together to make your relationship what each of you wants it to be.

Good luck with the new live-in conditions, I hope the two of you stay happy and continue learning from each other daily.

thank you for reading this, have a great day,

pixie

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 7/17/2004 7:56:52 PM

baileythorne

Posts: 264
Joined: 6/6/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lookingwithin04
I was wondering how much changes after you find yourself willing to give up all or the majority of your control to your Dominant?

To put it simply, everything is negotiable.

It would have been a bit wiser to do the negotiation before moving in together, in my opinion, but it's never too late. If ultimately the relationship is more than you can deal with, vote with your feet.

--bailey

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RE: how much changes after you give up control - 8/6/2004 9:12:00 PM

NightDaughter

Posts: 264
Joined: 1/23/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lookingwithin04
I was wondering how much changes after you find yourself willing to give up all or the majority of your control to your Dominant?

Well for me, i can say that little changed in the beginning, though over time I have got to the point where I do not space as fast, and am able to actaully enjoy whats going on, which is a lovely change.

quote:

Does that mean you have to give up your safe word?

For many I'm sure it wouldn't mean giving up their safe word, but then again you have to have one to give up first. I really never had a safe word. Yes I was told to use Red, Yellow and Green accordany, but for the life of me I could never bring myself to actually use them, thus eventually Master just said fine, you'll let me know when you've had enough, that or I'll know, and hes right he knows when I've had enough.

quote:

Does that mean you now have to sleep on the floor at night instead of in your Master's bed?

Again depending on the relationship that might well be the case on occasion. For myself, Master and I have just started the fact that I must now ask premission to enter his bed, he can ofcourse say no, and I will have to go to my dog pillow and rest their till given premission to enter his bed. But since Master also knows that being on the floor means a trip to the doc for spinal ajustment, he knows well enough not to have me sleep on the floor without enough extra padding to make sure I don't develop further problems while I sleep.

quote:

Does that mean you have to accept and take things that are painful that aren't ment to be?

For me yes, something that shouldn't be painful but turns out to be is just part of the course. Then again their is pain and then there is pain, one is harmful the other is disconfort, learn to tell the differance between them and you stand a good chance of being able to let your dominant know when something has gone wrong.

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