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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 9/30/2005 9:58:28 PM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
So you're saying I'd make a lousy sub? I always suspected as much.

I second M's remark and would add that the flowers are a lovely touch from any man Padriag, submissive, dominant, or anything in between or outside the realm. You seem like a true gentleman, which is better then any submissive quality.

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I'm so sorry Padriag, that was an unintentional (if not self serving) oversight (I guess because you are a dominant). I definitely liked your answers, and agree that sending flowers the following day is a winning move always with me....
Just as I told pollox, no jeans and t-shirt if you decide you're taking me out okay? M

LOL... yes I suppose being dominant would put a damper on it.

Thanks for the compliments you two, you're both ladies in your own right. Okay, I'll shut up now and stop derailing your thread.

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Post #: 21

RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 7:40:34 AM

pollux

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Ok Akasha...

We know you're married, but it's part of the CollarMe TOS that if you give a quiz, the OP has to eventually give their own answers

How did things work with you and your future husband in your dating days?

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Post #: 22

RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 12:31:41 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

Ok Akasha...

We know you're married, but it's part of the CollarMe TOS that if you give a quiz, the OP has to eventually give their own answers

How did things work with you and your future husband in your dating days?

The case with my husband is unique because he never had the opportunity to ask me out. We never had a date. I pursued him ruthlessly from day one and when we met in the flesh it all fell into place and we were married within three months. We lived together immediately. So, none of the questions really apply. I paid for everything and he didn't have to court me at all other than to be himself. As much as I do NOT believe in such things, all "soul mate" generalities apply -- he was simply the one.

But in normal dating situations, I prefered it if the man showed some initiative and did not want me to make all the decisions. I appreciated when he picked a location based on what he knew of my interests, left it open who was to drive (but offered), let me order first, took the initiative to pick up the check and used his intuition to decide what was appropriate for physical romance. I was not at all impressed by men that behaved submissively or deferred to me.

The key for me was a man that wanted to take me out as a lady first and foremost but not as a femdom. When I was single and would get dozens of "offers" because of my web site, most were offers to "submit" to me (or maybe have coffee first, then submit), to be my date at a fetish party, to "get together" followed by "well what do you want to do", etc. Only two in three years asked me to go to a hockey game or something related to the interests I expressed, and when total strangers were told that I don't meet up with people I don't know simply replied with, "Ok, what do you want to know about me?"

Now, I hear a lot of "well, damn! I never had a chance to meet you when I was single!"

Akasha

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 3:09:20 PM

Nuke718

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Nice questions Akasha (as usual), unfortunately not all of my responses fir the choices LoL.
I will say tho, that the responses below outline how I would act meeting a Domme, a submissive, or a vanilla woman.
Sometimes a Domme will already have her own rules for an initial meeting, so this is assuming I was given no such guidelines.

1. Where do you go for dinner?

b. You make a few suggestions but also add, “It’s up to you, of course.”
* If she makes no choice, I will be happy to.

2. How do you dress?

a. You dress casually, but if a restaurant is selected you find out appropriate attire and adjust if you need to.
* depending on the woman and the venue, casual MAY be jeans and t-shirt but will most likely be classier. It will not be tennies.

3. Who drives?

b. You meet her there
* this places less emphasis on the interaction afterwards, and negates any akward feeling of obligation

4. Time to order! What do you do?

a. You allow the lady to order first, then you order
* I gotta say duh to this one.

5. The check comes. What do you do?

a. You immediately pick it up and offer to pay.
* if it's dutch I expect it to have already been brought up, otherwise a gentleman pays when he takes a lday out whether it's BK or a fine restaurant.

6. It’s the end of the date and you are saying goodbye. The conversation went well and you feel there may be some chemistry. How do you end it?

c. You initiate a kiss unless you get huge warning bells
* OK, this was the hardest of the lot. If I intend to kiss her good night I will have given plenty of clues by now so she can easily avoid it. If things go really well, I will have already attempted at nice lips only kiss well before then.

7. After the date, what do you do?

a. Email her and say you had a great time and hope to see her again.
* Or phone call. If we are talking regularly on the phone, I will call. Or I may do both. As for the flowers thing, if I was in a floral frame of mind I would have brought them to the date. I will often bring a gift of some kind to a first date, rahter than send a gift afterwards. The gift is for honoring me by showing up, not a tip for good chemistry.

So, there you have it ladies...

Nuke }:-
Good decisions come from experience, but experience comes from bad decisions.

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Post #: 24

RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 7:41:15 PM

Misstoyou

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I'm going to answer this based on what worked for my sub.

1. Where do you go for dinner?

My first meetings are for coffee, NEVER for dinner. That's just too much of an implied time committment from me. (LA's use of drinks before dinner accomplishes the same thing.) So the answer to the rest of these questions are for lunch, my second meeting. If my interest is sustained, and we get together for dinner, he cooks!

My answer is c. You find out her general preferences and make a selection and a reservation.
I'm interested in how much attention the prospective sub has been paying attention to *me,* and that he can apply that knowlege. It would get old for me very quickly if I felt I had to tell him every single thing to do. I am not a micro-manager. The place he chose was fun, had a great view, and a large menu selection

2. How do you dress?

My answer is a. You dress casually, but if a restaurant is selected you find out appropriate attire and adjust if you need to.

I'm not sure that casually is the appropriate term, as I could tell he was careful in what he selected to wear. I'm not interested in excessively formal. I want to meet him, the person, not him, the applicant. Definitely, since he's picked the venue, he better know how to dress appropriately for it.

3. Who drives?

My answer is d. You ask if she would prefer you drive, meet her there or she drives.
I personally prefer to meet the perspective sub there, again, to give me the most flexibility. But of course he should ask my preference, and did.

4. Time to order! What do you do?

My answer is a. You allow the lady to order first, then you order.
I think this is just appropriate ettiquette, though of course he's free to ask if I have any suggestions for him. lol

5. The check comes. What do you do?

My answer is a. You immediately pick it up and offer to pay.
I am allowing him to take me out. If I decline his offer to pay, there definitely was no chemistry.

6. It’s the end of the date and you are saying goodbye. The conversation went well and you feel there may be some chemistry. How do you end it?

My answer is d. You end it without being presumptuous unless she initiates affection first. I have no problem "initating affection." ( I loved the shell-shocked look on his face. lol) I won't refuse a hug initiated by a wishful-thinking sub, (I'm not into that kind of public humiliation) but it has no personal meaning.

7. After the date, what do you do?

Answer a. is safe: Email her and say you had a great time and hope to see her again.
But actually my answer is d. Email her and tell her how you feel about her and how you hope things will progress. I like submissives that are emotionally open. He wrote about specifics of what we talked about, things he noticed, how he felt when I said X, how he's had been continuing to think about our discussion of Y. The devil is in the details. "I thought you were hot, and I can't wait for you to beat my ass" just doesn't do it.

Thanks, Akasha. Cute thread.

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 9:14:30 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

If my interest is sustained, and we get together for dinner, he cooks!

This is a lovely idea, especially for those people who say they cannot do expensive dates, but if he's cooking have you already decided you will be going to his home? Has he invited you over? How does this work, since I don't invite self to folks' homes until they are comfortable enough to invite me, and no dates get invited to my home, because I don't introduce my family/son to strangers I'm not in long term relationship with? M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 10/1/2005 9:16:47 PM >

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 10:48:37 PM

Misstoyou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

If my interest is sustained, and we get together for dinner, he cooks!
This is a lovely idea, especially for those people who say they cannot do expensive dates, but if he's cooking have you already decided you will be going to his home? Has he invited you over? How does this work, since I don't invite self to folks' homes until they are comfortable enough to invite me, and no dates get invited to my home, because I don't introduce my family/son to strangers I'm not in long term relationship with? M

A good point. I, personally, select for submissives that are single, without children living at home, and live independently. Even before we ever meet, they know that I envision taking over their place (which, to be clear, does not mean moving in). It definitely weeds out married individuals. lol

Since they know that will be part of what I expect from them, usually they are far ahead of me in pursuit of the relationship and they ask, "Will you allow me to cook dinner for you?"

edited because I was unclear. If the submissive has children, they don't live with him on a daily basis.

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 10/1/2005 10:52:00 PM >

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 11:09:21 PM

imtempting

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Where do you go for dinner?

c. You find out her general preferences and make a selection and a reservation

How do you dress?

a. You dress casually, but if a restaurant is selected you find out appropriate attire and adjust if you need to.

Who drives?

b. You meet her there

Time to order! What do you do?

a. You allow the lady to order first, then you order

The check comes. What do you do?

a. You immediately pick it up and offer to pay.

It’s the end of the date and you are saying goodbye. The conversation went well and you feel there may be some chemistry. How do you end it?

c. You initiate a kiss unless you get huge warning bells

After the date, what do you do?

b. Ask her out again giving a specific time, intent (ie dinner, a movie, whatever)

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/1/2005 11:41:09 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

Even before we ever meet, they know that I envision taking over their place (which, to be clear, does not mean moving in). It definitely weeds out married individuals. lol

Since they know that will be part of what I expect from them, usually they are far ahead of me in pursuit of the relationship and they ask, "Will you allow me to cook dinner for you?"

Taking over their place hah? How often has that run off commitment phobic men for you I wonder?
I agree it's a great way to eliminate the married applicants, or people living in mom's basement (not that there is anything wrong with them), since those things would present a problem for me as well.
Thanks for the reply/clarification. M

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RE: Kinky People dating rituals - 10/3/2005 5:52:13 AM

wantinaSireorSir

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this is really good

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