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So, i thought i was a sub - 3/22/2008 5:20:38 AM

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Joined: 11/8/2007
From: Jersey girl, back in jersey
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Up until very recently, any time the word switch or Domme rolled off someone's tongue referring to me, my insides would twist in knots and after it passed I wouldn't give it a second thought. I've been a bottom for my entire adult life and a submissive for a shorter period of time, but had NEVER considered a top position in a scene nor lifestyle choice.... that is until I saw someone on the cross that made me WANT to be the one holding the flogger.

I didn't act on it, though I did tell her so, and luckily she took it as the compliment i meant for it to be. My questions, however, are - if you were a sub before becoming a switch, what made you decide to "top" or "Dom/me" for the first time? Was it your Mistress or Master asking you to do so for another sub as seems to be the case with a similar thread? If you decided for yourself to pick up the paddle/flogger/whip yourself, what made you decide to do it?

And lastly, what would be the best route to learning how to play from the other side of the table, as it were?

Thanks for your time,
sin

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 3/23/2008 9:58:55 PM

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Joined: 5/14/2005
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With the right person, I am always happy to sub. It's fun, enjoyable, fulfilling, exciting, and more. However, I also enjoy topping. My first time was because a newbie to the scene had no one to top her. She knew that I was experienced as a sub, and she asked me to flog her. I went to a pro-domme at a dungeon and asked her to teach me. Took what I learned and we played. I enjoyed it quite a bit. That was several years ago. I'm still learning new styles of play.

If you attend play parties, you can usually ask one of the dommes present to teach you. Finding a willing sub may be problematic or not. Initially I was always more comfortable if the first time I tried something new, an experienced domme was present. As time went by, my confidence grew.

Was this the type of info you wanted?

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 3/23/2008 10:43:34 PM

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Joined: 11/8/2007
From: Jersey girl, back in jersey
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Yes, thanks, i'm quite comfortable as a sub, and actually the person i was referring to in my initial post is currently with a Dom... i was considering asking him to teach me, as she's already told me she is willing. i worry though because he is young, and although from what i've seen of his play, he does well, i wanted to try to find other avenues to learn more about topping as well.

As I'm starting to go to more parties now, and meeting more Dom/mes at them, perhaps i can ask them for help as well. there's the part of me that needs to learn more self control which is why i'm not just jumping at the chance to have at her if her Dom agrees ;)
sin

(in reply to Alacrity)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 3/24/2008 9:23:17 AM

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Joined: 11/13/2006
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I strated out in the lifestyle as a submissive. I entered as someone who had enjoyed bondage for 18 years and considered myself sexually submissive. When I started I could not imagine submitting to a beating much less administering one. As I learned and grew in my submission I found that the most submissive thing I could do was accept pain for the pleasure of another.

So, how did I go from that to switching? I started playing with a switch. He started instructing me on topping. Initially it was as a service to him. I have always recognized the amount of work and effort it takes to top/dominate someone and it was my nature to show my gratitude, so with him it made sense to learn how to give him pleasure through topping him. Initially it was very difficult for me. When he would cry out in pain I would wince. Someone watching us play once said "I love watching you play, it's two for one sufferring."

Over time something inside me changed... the wincing stopped... the sadism grew and took on a life of its own. I still had a bit of the service top mentality - I wanted the bottom to go on a trip vs really suffer. I still have an element of this in some scenes, but I now like the idea of the person taking what I am dishing out in submission vs their own masachism.

Today I would say I lean more to my dominance although I am still in submission and surrender to my Master. I do not wish to submit to anyone else, but I do hae other relationships where I am top or dominant.

_____________________________

Yours in Leather
Teach Me Tonight

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/10/2008 3:01:05 PM

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Joined: 3/21/2008
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Sin-

Similar things going on here. I'm a bottom, and love being submissive. I've been told by every Dom that knows me well that I woul be amazing as a Domme. I always chuckled and thought they were a bit loopy. Then I met him. The delicious submissive bottom that made me crave to have him at my feet....*smiles fondly, remembering* And now, I identify proudly as a Switch.

(in reply to TeachMeTonight)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/14/2008 3:29:21 AM

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Joined: 3/18/2008
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Quote : SinLee

Up until very recently, any time the word switch or Domme rolled off someone's tongue referring to me, my insides would twist in knots and after it passed I wouldn't give it a second thought. I've been a bottom for my entire adult life and a submissive for a shorter period of time, but had NEVER considered a top position in a scene nor lifestyle choice.... that is until I saw someone on the cross that made me WANT to be the one holding the flogger.

I didn't act on it, though I did tell her so, and luckily she took it as the compliment i meant for it to be. My questions, however, are - if you were a sub before becoming a switch, what made you decide to "top" or "Dom/me" for the first time? Was it your Mistress or Master asking you to do so for another sub as seems to be the case with a similar thread? If you decided for yourself to pick up the paddle/flogger/whip yourself, what made you decide to do it?

And lastly, what would be the best route to learning how to play from the other side of the table, as it were?

Thanks for your time,
sin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sin

What made you want to pick up the flogger was the wish to give another the pleasure you have enjoyed - it's that simple ! This was an extension of those same feelings which make you please a master - this is the point we reach when our wish to please broadens to encompass the dominant side - it is not to be feared but welcomed as an expansion of your abilities.
Learn your dom side and its craft well, hopefully with your Doms assistance, and enjoy the ability only switches have - to be able to please all in the B & D world. Do not confuse either role & learn to read & control the situation be it from a subservient or dominant position.
I entered the B & D world as a submissive, and with my Mistress I continue and enjoy that role, but when with feelings the same as what you have felt arose I was afraid, as my Mistress hated switches. I risked losing her & such is our connection she supported & trained me, I asked slaves & other subs their point of view, learning all the way.
I can now confidently take either the dominant of submissive role - enjoy either for the pleasure it gives others and myself
I now know both crafts well.
I am happy having found what I believe to be my place in this society.
Hopefully you can take my words and find this place for yourself.
James

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/14/2008 9:37:21 AM

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From: NYS
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I always say I'm submissive to one, to me it seems perfectly reasonable to say you are only dominant towards one. For whatever reason, responsiveness, collection of personal characteristics she's the only one so far who makes you want to be in control. You may meet another in six weeks, or six years, or never. It doesn't matter. It's always a relationship. And in different relationships we feel different energy.

(in reply to JamesNo10)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/17/2008 6:15:12 PM

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Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Personally, I always identified as sub until I met someone who was more sub than I was! Although our relationship didn't last long it did get me thinking. I still have sub tendencies, but that is something else again! Yet of the two of us, I am the Domme of the relationship, she wears the collar, because that just feels right somehow.

I don't think I could just Domme most people, because it wouldn't feel right, so I don't know if I can identify as a switch either *laughs* but with my girl, it just feels right to be in control and makes me feel like I'm where I need to be at this precise moment in time:)

Seph aka Reb.

(in reply to Celeste43)

why not - 4/17/2008 6:37:57 PM

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Joined: 4/16/2008
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the idea that we cannot move between roles is completley erroneous. Three things govrn behaviour: Personality, Roles, and Strategies/Skills. We all act differently at work say, than we do at home. Their are four basic Personality types, we can be a blend of up to 3 daily. So in a group you if you dont need two leaders, one person will supress this part of their personality and increase the use of another part of their personality. You can also learn skills which are not normally associated with your natural strengths and use them accordingly to the given situation. In NLP there is a supposition which states that the person who is most adaptable, has better outcomes.. the best leaders in society, are the ones that can adapt their behaviour to suit the style of the people they are leading. This happens throughout Nature, group members act accordingly to hierarchical needs of the group, but they also can act differently when, e.g. the leader gets bumped off, someone else steps up, and assumes the dominant role. To be accomodating in this way is an actual social skill.
The opposite view which seems to be the primary cultural of this 'scene' is the social equivalent of say the politics of Hitler. But it has got nothing to do with real human needs... we have 6 basic human needs, and the first four are paradoxs, we want security, but when we get too much, we find we also want insecurity, to let us know we are alive. (hence why we have mid life crisis, we bored!) the second two, are the need for signicance, and the need for love and connection. We want to stand out from the crowd, but we also want to be part of a group. They are contradictions, but shows the duality of Humans. All this 'you can only be one or the other is just a load...well you fill the blanks in, but it has got nothing to do with fact or being Human. It is just totally made up!

Nothing like setting a bomb off in your first post is there...

< Message edited by kaisen -- 4/17/2008 6:58:14 PM >

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/17/2008 7:10:11 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Along my journey, I have come to find that there's a difference being Top and a Dominant. One is about physical sensation, the other about control. I know many slaves who Top. Go with what works for you and your partner(s).

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/17/2008 7:58:53 PM

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

You could come play with me Sin, lol, I still adore you.

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 4/18/2008 6:40:49 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i really don't like labeling myself as a switch though it's not my first time tapping into my Domme side. i've owned pets/slaves before meeting Daddy but it was more of a married man's sexual fantasy than kink.

Daddy knew i had this aggressive dominant side to me and thought it would be fun if we "switch" roles for a day. that's when He suggested finding a pet - i truly didn't want to be bothered with finding someone who might "disappear" on me after a couple of chats. so it took me awhile to gradually warm up to the idea of having a pet again. i've had a few disappointments including the one i just released.

will i do it again? i really don't know. Daddy prefers i find a female one however i'm thinking about that - never thought about owning another woman before.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 5/3/2008 10:46:47 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinLee

. My questions, however, are - if you were a sub before becoming a switch, what made you decide to "top" or "Dom/me" for the first time? Was it your Mistress or Master asking you to do so for another sub as seems to be the case with a similar thread? If you decided for yourself to pick up the paddle/flogger/whip yourself, what made you decide to do it?

And lastly, what would be the best route to learning how to play from the other side of the table, as it were?

Thanks for your time,
sin

The first person I ever "topped" was a bf who loved to have his ass whipped with a belt on occasion. It always made me a little uncomfortable at first, but after a few welts appeared, I always got into it... and the fact that it turned him into a lust crazed beast never hurt.

But that was long before I even knew there was a lifestyle, and when I entered it, I did so as a sub and was a 24/7 slave for 3 years before meeting my current partner. While getting to know each other we explored my switchy side which had never really been acknowledged, and when I moved here it was with the intent of being his alpha slave; slave to him, and domme to the slave he already had. So to answer your first question, my picking up the flogger was a mutual decision between myself and my Master. As our r/t relationship developed, he made me look at the things he saw in me.. how I was happy being submissive to him, but much more so when I was in control of her. He made me look at my past relationships which, while vanilla, certainly brought out my dominant side much more than submissive. Our relationship is now drastically different from what we had envisioned when we started out, but we are quite happy together as dominant partners. Technically, I do consider myself a switch, leaning highly toward the dominant side.

I would say that the best way to learn to play from the other side is to find those you trust who can teach you, whether it be your dom, her dom, or others in your community. You may find that you just enjoy topping or that you actually have a very dominant controlling side to yourself. Be open to all that you find within yourself and enjoy the journey!

~BotanicalMiss~

(in reply to SinLee)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 5/5/2008 12:04:18 PM

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Joined: 4/21/2008
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I orginally started as a Domme but having the same men in my bed asking me to do the same things got to be tiring after a while....being out of the lifestyle while I was with child and seeing all of my friends who were tops and switches got me into what would happen if I was on the side of recieving pain and pleasure...hence forth why I decided to become a switch....

(in reply to BotanicalMiss)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 5/5/2008 1:13:02 PM

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Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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I'd always identified as a switch in the same way as I have always identified as bi-sexual. In the vast majority of cases I am Domme when with women and sub when with men (although different relationships have had different dynamics which made sense internally but might take a while to explain on a forum LOL)

I'm a very outspoken person in my daily life, in my home life I'm an earth mother (the minute I get through the door it's off with the suit, on with a pinny and making food for the brood) and in my bedroom I'm a succubis (sp?). The people that share my life are used to my contradictions - and mostly, they like them.

It's whatever works for you in the relationship(s) you are in. Be happy and be true to yourself and good luck

(in reply to BubbleGumMJ)

RE: So, i thought i was a sub - 5/8/2008 10:57:56 AM

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Joined: 3/25/2008
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I no longer have my now former Master (loong story) I during this time knew I was mostly Dominant. I love the feel of holding the whip instead of being whipped. It is just me. There is only One I kneel to but more on my own terms but I always will belong to him. He is my King my everything and I am His Queen. He stuck by me through the hardest times *smiles* I don't think it is rare but most people are discovering themselves.

< Message edited by YoungWolf -- 5/8/2008 11:00:48 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Deliena)

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