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excuse me... - 3/22/2008 6:58:29 PM

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/22/2008
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Please excuse me, this is my second question, (I know very little about this) and I was wondering how you get involved in the BDSM lifestyle, where to go, who to know, do you need an invitation...what was the experience on your first time? Thank you in advance for any help you can give me, I feel really stupid...

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:02:52 PM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Please, don't worry. We were all beginners once.

I found that books helped me, such as The Loving Dominana and Different Loving. Going to munches and talking with people there was a huge help. There are many who are willing to help you. Don't be afraid to ask.

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(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:11:14 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zeebra

Please excuse me, this is my second question, (I know very little about this) and I was wondering how you get involved in the BDSM lifestyle, where to go, who to know, do you need an invitation...what was the experience on your first time? Thank you in advance for any help you can give me, I feel really stupid...

Usually female submissives get innundated with e-mails, so you probably won't have long to wait before you have offers to "get involved"...though I think you should flesh out your profile, even if it's just to say you're new and inexperienced.

Depending on where in Maryland you are -- as I am also -- you might try subscribing to the Baltimore BDSM list; send a request to [email protected]. (At least I think that's the right address.) Assuming you want face-to-face contact, you could attend a munch (a vanilla social gathering for those interested in BDSM and D/s) locally.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

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(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:13:44 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Here are some groups in your area: http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#Maryland

Cali

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:16:37 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2008
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Have you done any reading about BDSM and who you identify as - a submissive/dominant/top/bottom/switch. Do you know what it is that you want in a relationship? Do you know what kind of man/woman you are seeking and what you need from him/her and what you offer as well?

You may already understand these things about yourself, but if you don't then you need to do a lot of reading to understand what D/s and M/s are all about - enough reading that you have read all sorts of varying opinions and you have given enough thought to it that you know where *your* personal feelings lie. Because one of the most important things is that there ARE no rules. You need to figure out where you stand and what it is you desire.

I'm at about the year and a half mark after where you seem to be right now and have learned and grown so much over that period of time. Have an open mind, read the forums, ask questions (using the search button first to see if there has been other discussions on the same topic) and go from there.

Good luck, and have fun!

(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:24:00 PM

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Go to google and search with "BDSM" and the name of your nearest city. Find a group that seems to appeal...join whatever email notification thing that they have, then show up. It's not the closed Old Guard community anymore.

Master Fire

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(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 7:27:09 PM

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From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Have you done any reading about BDSM and who you identify as - a submissive/dominant/top/bottom/switch. Do you know what it is that you want in a relationship? Do you know what kind of man/woman you are seeking and what you need from him/her and what you offer as well?

I don't think a person has to have all this figured out before they go to a local group function. These things are things that can take quite some time for some people...and if they have a supportive community to do it in, it'll help.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Bound2One)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 8:08:49 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I don't think a person has to have all this figured out before they go to a local group function. These things are things that can take quite some time for some people...and if they have a supportive community to do it in, it'll help.

Master Fire

I agree!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: excuse me... - 3/22/2008 8:43:04 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I read some books, I read online, and I turned down a whole lot of email from people who I could see obvious incompatibilities with. I responded to someone who I didn't see any reason to turn immediately down with a question based on his profile. He answered without calling me cunt, bitch, whore or demanding I call him master. We just called each other by screen names and after a while since his sn was two words, I just started using the initials. He thought that was cute, not disrespectful.

He also didn't insist I use lower case letters for me or that damned slashy speak. As those are pet peeves I would have ruled him out in that case. Basically we just started talking a lot and I felt a connection. I could talk about anything to him and frequently did. We moved to cell phones and then chat. After about a month I found myself going to be in his area and said I would meet him at a mall I knew I could find. We met for coffee which became brunch which became the whole day spent together. Spent a lot of time by the end of the day kissing and necking. Played on the second meet.

I didn't go to any munches. Partly because the nearest one to here is an hour away and mainly because the idea of walking into a room of strange people scared me to death. Plus the vibes I got from the guy inviting me didn't feel right.

Best advice I can give you is to read a lot and know what kinds of things make you say yes you want to try them and what kind of stuff makes you go ick. And mostly remember that no matter who gets tied up, these are relationships. If you don't like guys who lose their temper and yell a lot, you aren't suddenly going to like them just because they're holding a flogger. If you can pinpoint what qualities and characteristics a person needs for you to like and respect them, that's the most important part.

You may not find what you're looking for, but if you don't even know what you're looking for, it's guaranteed you won't find it.

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(in reply to Bound2One)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 4:10:04 AM

spinninsweetness

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Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
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I'll be watching this thread closely... in the same position myself.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 5:28:08 AM

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Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Have you done any reading about BDSM and who you identify as - a submissive/dominant/top/bottom/switch. Do you know what it is that you want in a relationship? Do you know what kind of man/woman you are seeking and what you need from him/her and what you offer as well?

I don't think a person has to have all this figured out before they go to a local group function. These things are things that can take quite some time for some people...and if they have a supportive community to do it in, it'll help.

Master Fire

I go along with MasterFireMaam here, besides, it's much more fun finding out and exploring with other people. I wouldn't worry about not knowing things or feeling stupid. It's part of the process. I came into this.. erm (coughs) quite a while back and there's still things I don't know and there's still times I feel stupid.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 12:23:29 PM

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
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i was introduced by a dear friend of mine. When my journey began, i did SO much reading and research just to get all the information i possibly could. Found some of it was my nature, some of it was... well, we'll just say it wasn't my thing. Then i got lucky when i confided in my friend and found that he himself had been living the lifestyle for 13 years. He took me under wing, gave me website links, answered questions, pointed me in the right direction, and eventually i kneeled to his training. To this day i have a very high respect and gratitude to him.

So that's my suggestion. Find or make a friend you feel comfortable with and feel you can trust. Could be a Dom/me or could be another submissive. Maybe two people learning together? May take a little time, but it's well worth it to have someone standing beside you as you're learning.

But be careful who you choose to learn from. There are alot of predators out there who will just use you, and your innexperience, to make themselves feel empowered without any reguards to your safety or welbeing.

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 12:30:24 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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After I discovered my submissive side, I posted a profile on collarme, and sat back to see what would happen. I didn't find any groups on line in my area (not that there weren't some, just that online I didn't find them), so had no way of finding like minded people. I'm not sure I would have had the guts to go to a munch by myself anyway.

I got several emails from doms in the area, and my Sir was the first one to suggest that we meet R/T. We met at Barnes and Noble - my suggestion - I am very comfortable there - and things went from there. I did everything wrong - I went to his house with out telling anyone,I didn't set up a safety call, we played the first time I met him at his house, but I did and still do love the way we met.

Check out safety rules for subs meeting doms, and even if you feel rude doing so, make a safety call when first meeting some one. If they are truely caring individuals they will see the point of you being comfortable and feeling safe with them.

Meeting someone for the first time is very scarey and exciting (even if I have only done it once!), and hopefully you will meet some great people.
Good luck

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 3:50:12 PM

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

After I discovered my submissive side, I posted a profile on collarme, and sat back to see what would happen.

I did more or less the same thing. I'm not a big one for group gatherings like munches (since the general clientele seems to be much older), and I don't think clubs are a particularly good place to do anything, especially not learn about bdsm.

   So I turned to the friend of lonely introverts everywhere: the internet. It's chock full of mostly good information, some reasonably intelligent chatting, and potential dates. I bought a few books, but most everything I learned about BDSM, I found via the interwebs. Eventually, I found an awesome dom, and here I am, 9 months after I started my search, pretty fully entrenched in the "BDSM lifestyle".

     Judging by your questions, it seems like you might be more into the group gatherings? As far as "where to go", you can try a local munch, a convetion, or a kinky-themed nightclub. I couldn't tell you who to know, really. If you're going to a munch, you could e-mail the leaders of the group, they would make sure you at least knew someone there. They would also make sure no less than savory folks took advantage of your naivity (unless you wanted them to!) Getting involved in a local group via a munch would also be the way to get invitations to semi-private play parties, if that's what you're into. What was the experience on your first time...For me, BDSM is pretty much exactly like normal dating, so my first experience was nervously drinking coffee with some guy. It was completely vanilla (and hazelnut...couldn't resist). If you're looking to attend a play party or a fetish club, your first experience might be vastly different.

    Good luck. Make sure you read and follow all the safety information about meeting people and bdsm in general. I also suggest you let someone know you're into it, whether it be a real-life friend or an online kinky one, so they can act as the voice of reason or a safecall.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: excuse me... - 3/23/2008 3:54:58 PM

MontrealPhoenix

Posts: 1526
Joined: 2/27/2008
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This is a great site i used alot after discovering my submissive side. It's full of great information and is really user-friendly.

http://www.leathernroses.com/lnrhome.htm

Phoenix

_____________________________

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~Tribesmen of Gor ..pg 75

"He who ties a woman owns her"
~Guardsman Of Gor pg 267

(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 4/1/2008 2:48:59 PM

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

We all start somewhere.. my advice would be to hang around & make some friends.. Chatrooms & forums can be very good for that. And just be patient.. take it slow & look before you leap x

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(in reply to zeebra)

RE: excuse me... - 4/2/2008 12:27:11 AM

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Joined: 2/14/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I don't think a person has to have all this figured out before they go to a local group function. These things are things that can take quite some time for some people...and if they have a supportive community to do it in, it'll help.

Master Fire

I agree!

While I agree in principle to the not needing this all figured before attending munches or first contacts or making friends, I MUST add, that not doing so before entering a relationship, is just catastrophic, so I adamantly recommend that you do this much before screwing your self up, and possibly someone else too.

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"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to Bound2One)

RE: excuse me... - 4/2/2008 12:59:13 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
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The profile is gone. When i heard this sub was in MD, i went to offer some support since i too, live in MD. If you're hidden, just contact me on the otherside/we can chat.

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(in reply to zeebra)

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