RE: Fucking up really badly

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KnightofMists -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:25:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx And then I stood there looking as demure as I could muster and he smiled and said I suppose I am going to get the drama now. But I just went quietly out. mmmmmmm so you spared the drama to him... and saved it for us instead!

angelikaJ -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:49:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: TysGalilah she mentioned on a different thread that her keyboard is broken..space-bar issues it seems : ) New ones for $6.99! http://www.google.com/products?q=keyboard Let's have a fund-raiser! [X(] Angelika, I'm just teasing. I hope you don't take offense. none_taken... new_keyboard_is_coming...I_promise. tuesday.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:51:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ none_taken... new_keyboard_is_coming...I_promise. tuesday. That must drive you crazy to type like that - - Hang in there!

angelikaJ -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Ahh,I wondered, but I'm too polite to ask.[:D] Usually. You_can_ALWAYS_ask... I_may_even_tell....[;)]

angelikaJ -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:55:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ none_taken... new_keyboard_is_coming...I_promise. tuesday. That must drive you crazy to type like that - - Hang in there! it_really_does...last_weekend_I_had_use_of_a_friend's_laptop and_I_had_to_re-learn... thanks_for_putting_up_with_me [:)]

indigo302 -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:56:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsubnnorcal Just because you are a slave, do not mistaken that for being a doormat because no matter what, at the end of the day, YOU are still responsible for your own thoughts, your own actions, and your own contributions to society and to those around you. YOU are responsible for your choices--whether good or bad. Now this was choice certainly wasn't your wisest but next time if you look back and think "Okay, am I making the same mistake?" and the answer comes back as a "No." then maybe this lesson was meant to be learned. AND "you" (Prin) are responsible for learning how to say no. Being a slave does not negate the responsibility to say "no" when something isn't right for you. Weakness and slavery are not one in the same.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:56:55 PM)
Any time :)

indigo302 -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 8:59:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx yes there is. He's damaged. Way way too much for me to fix. And there was me thinking as his slave that I might be 'the one'. That's what the more to it is. Just because he may not be the right Dominant for you, doesn't make him damaged. Although, if he is damaged and you keep going back...what does that say about you?

DisenchantedLife -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 9:03:06 PM)
I have it on good authority to listen to LA. She went round and round with me for a few years, maybe. So did the lot on CM. It was an ugly vicious cycle - that was absolutetly miserable to live. It ends up destroying your self esteem, self worth, confidence, integrity, and many other things. You keep it up and it will always be the same until one day a straw will break the horses back. By then you'll be so far in the hole a shovel wont get you out of the shit. I spent 3 years trying to get out of an ugly r/s. Alternating between being happy in it and fighting to get out. Getting out is ugly. Always knew it would be ugly. Its been hell. And because I waited so damn long, I ended up dragging some one else into the mess. Its been hell for them too. I am so unbelievably angry at myself. IF, I had listened to one person. Even just simply LA. Only if. What you think "he" has that you so want or need - YOU have. Its inside of you that you are projecting onto him. Its not him you want. But an ideal of him you want. I did not love my ex, but I loved who I wanted and thought he was. Listen to those around you. Love is blind or whatever BS analogy you want to think about. Just listen. Really listen. Don't be a stubborn fool. You will go down with the ship. Bail out. quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Prin you've been given good advice about 5 cycles now- and each time you choose to ignore it, pretend things are happy for a few days and get condescending to the ones like me who warn you that this isn't over and you're just ignoring reality...only to have it all happen again. I understand you keep using "emotional masochist" as some justification for your actions, and you must have some need to blast it all over the public walls and feel happy from that- but seriously, what do you think will be different this time around? Until you decide to actually listen to the advice, until you stop clinging to what you want to cling to, nothing will change.

chellekitty -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 9:44:41 PM)
there is a whole lot i could say, but i am sure you have already said it to yourself, you are a lot like me...so, instead of put down the bat...i am taking your bat away...you can't have it back and you are not allowed to get another one... said it before, going to say it again - work on making you better, for you...if you want more details, read my past replies to you [;)] or drop me a note on the otherside with an outside email - i can't send out emails through collarme... i won't put more effort into helping another person than they are willing to put into it than they are willing to put into it themselves, nor will i put effort into helping another person when they are knowingly and willingly hurting themselves, but if you want to help yourself and get better and grow, i will walk with you and share my experience, strength, and hope... take care, chelle

Prinsexx -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 10:25:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx And then I stood there looking as demure as I could muster and he smiled and said I suppose I am going to get the drama now. But I just went quietly out. mmmmmmm so you spared the drama to him... and saved it for us instead! no he's had his fair share

Prinsexx -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 10:30:45 PM)
i will do it thanks for the offer

Maestro66babycak -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 10:37:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I am.....just like some of you said. I am this time fucking up really badly. I don't know where to draw the line. I don't know where the line is. I don't even know that the line exists. Somewhere there's a line between emotional masochism and just down right self harm. I know where the line is for others. Dear god I am so good with others, so good at getting everybody else through. It's just unbalanced what I just did. To put myself in a position where I thought I was going to get some LOVE back. I asked to stay. He wouldn't let me. He said: you are owned by an act of free will. But he made me leave anyway. I feel humiliated: like how can I be a slave if I don't have a master? I have thoughts running through my head like who will have me? I thought if only he needs me. Then I thought if only he wants me. But it's all come tumbling down again and he doesn't do either. Before he made me leave he said: come here and tell me you adore me and that you are lucky to have me. And I actually did it, with tenderness and with my heart, whispering it in his ear. But in that moment i had alreayd walked free. And then I stood there looking as demure as I could muster and he smiled and said I suppose I am going to get the drama now. But I just went quietly out. Fucking up again big time. I don't want sympathy. I don't want flaming. I I don't need to be told how fucked up I am. I don't know what I need right now except to post here so that for anyone who has felt this they know they aren't the only ones. Slave mindset: damn how I wish I could have any other. I thank you for posting this dear. You do not have to have a master to be a slave. But I know that right now it feels like you do. Go forward with your head held proudly, you did what was required of you. Your master is the one that failed. His loss (you) will be another Masters gain.

petpete -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 11:04:05 PM)
Prinsexx stop being hard on yourself. i still remember the words of a very helpful Domme Lady who was telling me the same as i tell you this now. If its not meant to be its not going to happen. Don't look for why's buts or excuses. If your not meant to be for Him then get your own life in order and be ready for the One that You would fit better for. Good luck hon

SimplyMichael -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/23/2008 11:12:18 PM)
quote: I have it on good authority to listen to LA. She went round and round with me for a few years, maybe. So did the lot on CM. I, along I would assume with many others, listens very closely when LA points out our shit to us. The more it pisses you off the more likely it is to be true. That woman is good!

Level -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/24/2008 2:41:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: TysGalilah she mentioned on a different thread that her keyboard is broken..space-bar issues it seems : ) New ones for $6.99! http://www.google.com/products?q=keyboard Let's have a fund-raiser! [X(] Angelika, I'm just teasing. I hope you don't take offense. none_taken... new_keyboard_is_coming...I_promise. tuesday. Good deal [;)] I'm glad for you.

lally3 -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/24/2008 3:53:08 AM)
hi, when ever im in a bad situation i ask myself this: do i want to be here this time next year. if the answer is definitely no, then go, no second later than that, cos every second you spend is a wasted one. you say he's new to being a master and youve shown him how in some ways, fine, but you cant train a person to be caring, thoughtful and considerate - those are qualities that come from within, theyre either there or theyre not. he may acquire them through self examination and introspection, but by the sounds of it, not any time soon.

Prinsexx -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/24/2008 4:39:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: indigo302 quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsubnnorcal Just because you are a slave, do not mistaken that for being a doormat because no matter what, at the end of the day, YOU are still responsible for your own thoughts, your own actions, and your own contributions to society and to those around you. YOU are responsible for your choices--whether good or bad. Now this was choice certainly wasn't your wisest but next time if you look back and think "Okay, am I making the same mistake?" and the answer comes back as a "No." then maybe this lesson was meant to be learned. AND "you" (Prin) are responsible for learning how to say no. Being a slave does not negate the responsibility to say "no" when something isn't right for you. Weakness and slavery are not one in the same. i've learned (again)

Prinsexx -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/24/2008 4:49:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 hi, when ever im in a bad situation i ask myself this: do i want to be here this time next year. if the answer is definitely no, then go, no second later than that, cos every second you spend is a wasted one. you say he's new to being a master and youve shown him how in some ways, fine, but you cant train a person to be caring, thoughtful and considerate - those are qualities that come from within, theyre either there or theyre not. he may acquire them through self examination and introspection, but by the sounds of it, not any time soon. He wasn't even near where I thought him to be,

mistoferin -> RE: Fucking up really badly (3/24/2008 5:00:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx It's different from inside the mindset to out of it. It looks crazy from outside the dynamic. I've followed the many twists and turns your relationship seems to take for some time now but I've refrained from posting. But this caught me. It's not any different on the inside or the outside, fucked up is fucked up. I'd say it's more a case of you can't seem to see the forest for the trees. Wishful thinking maybe. Regardless, this horse you are beating is dead and harsh as it may sound, I would highly recommend that you work on getting yourself healthy emotionally, I mean REALLY work on it - not just until you're smiling again - but long term work. You may not be in a position to see it clearly....but you need it.

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