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stella41b -> RE: am i just fooling myself?? (3/24/2008 2:01:06 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mnottertail
Flush the toilet on this fuckin' deal, end of joke.
He may want you, but she don't and ain't never, ever gonna get over it, she will make your life a living hell, she is a cunt.
I have been here, a little over 2x the issue, tho.
In fact, when it comes to between women, the dominant is a bystander, he don't even count.... if you girls don't get along, it don't matter what the fuck he wants (oh, and fucking trust me on this) women are heineous infighters and that man and nobodies relationship will survive this.
Really......
Ron
I think that Ron's making a very good point here, though I would argue that the whole triangle was set in place by the Dom and this is very important to remember.
I've just spent about two hours today with my actresses who are appearing in one of my plays on this very issue and they've been reading the thread and postings and we've discussed it at length.
The play is however different. It takes place in an office, the guy in question isn't a Dom, he's a sub, and his wife is a Domme and she's working as his secretary. However unknown to the Domme he's been playing with a female submissive for quite a while, himself the Dom, and what happens is the female submissive comes unannounced into the office and forces him to confess in front of his wife.. at gunpoint.
All might seem well as the Domme is bi, but the female submissive is strictly hetero.
The guy wants both, but he can't have both because the two women won't get on with each other. One wants the sub and the other wants a Dom, and to each of them their relationship with him comes first.
I'm not going to give away what happens in the play, but this is what came out of the discussion. In such a situation both the women are going to want to know that their relationship with him comes first, which sets up a conflict between them.
This isn't a poly relationship situation (except in the mind of the Dom perhaps) where both women knew right at the start there would be another woman. They were both led to believe that they were entering monogamous relationships.
It would be very easy to apportion the blame here and point the finger and decide who is to blame for this situation developing. If only life was really that simple. But could it not be seen that each and all of them carry some degree of responsibility for the situation which has developed?
Here you have a guy who is claiming to be a Dom, but who has a vanilla relationship with another woman, who - in discovering that her man has been seeing a submissive woman appears to be perfectly happy that her relationship with her man is still vanilla. Then you have a female submissive who has met this 'wonderful Dom' who is so wonderful he cannot bring himself to share his interests and needs with the woman with whom he shares a vanilla relationship, and she is still convinced that she will be the leading female simply because he calls himself a Dom.
So instead of being responsible and open and honest with the other person in the relationship they would rather cobble together in a sort of unhappy, imperfect threesome.
Bearing in mind, of course that at least one of these relationships originated from the Internet, where so many other people are looking for relationships.
However I disagree with Ron here, as I feel that it isn't gender specific, and if the situation was reversed with a Domme and two men then you might find the men in this situation acting like a couple of divs as well.
But this is where it starts to get confusing. Relationships - moving on, moving around, person to person. All of a sudden you're in love, then a week or so later you're not. One minute you're alone, then the next you're with a 'wonderful Dom', and then with the next person, even sometimes before they've split up with someone else, or maybe later on their friend.
It kind of occurs to me that maybe you should invest some time and make sure that you're with the right person to begin with - it saves a lot of heartache.
It never ceases to amaze me how some people can just get involved in play or with playing with their own and other people's genitals but somehow just can't bring themselves to talk about how they think or feel. Sex and play is easy, but getting together a proper, stable relationship? This seems to be much more of a challenge.
Maybe it's just me. I don't know. Go fuck around with other people if you like, but why not be honest and just say it's that? Why start putting emotions into it and using people or lying to them?
If the other person feels something you don't, or they don't feel what you feel then why not end it, no matter how much it hurts?
Why keep on trying to force it? Love cannot be made. It's found, discovered.
BTW this isn't addressed specifically to the OP or anyone else. It's just an observation I'm making after reading some threads recently. I'm just sharing these observations to maybe give some people out there something to pause and think about.
This isn't Wal-Mart or e-Bay, you're dealing with people and their hearts here.
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