quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
and for those newbies with the ice cream cones - you get those to practise your licking skills.    as i talk from my vast distance from the cone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mslecuir

There seems to be a debate of sorts going on within this site about if sex is a part of BDSM or not. I will add my 2 cents here. In my professional opinion, true BDSM does NOT involve sex. For proof of this go to your local BDSM group. You should not see any type of sex going on. I concur that adding BDSM to a relationship is a wonderful way to add some variety to a relationship. But it should not be added to a casual relationship for the purpose of initiating sex. Trust is the issue. How can you truly trust someone that you hardly know? Yes, there are many out there who use BDSM as a vehicle to get in someones pants. You know the type. This is just an ulterial motive and not a true interest in BDSM. I was very hardline with this doctorine when I was Pro. I had to be...I was not, under any circumstances a sex worker. No sex was involved period. On the other hand, once I found out how much more enjoyable sex was when you experimented with some BDSM with someone you cared about, it changed much for me. I realized that in this time of my life my BDSM career was much too impersonal and lacked the intimacy that I desperately needed. I realize that some can draw the line and can play at local groups and change up in the bedroom. This is something that I do not do anymore. I have no desire to do so and that is my personal choice. Hence what it says in my profile..."I do NOT engage in BDSM activities with anyone that I'm not in a relationship with". I know that this may seem incongruent to some...but it is my personal choice. Don't forget that respect is a big part of any relationship, friendly or intimate. So who is right and who is wrong? You be the judge. Hopefully this will generate some meaningfull discussion and not negative banter. Remember to always be respectful enough to listen to others views and to try to walk a mile in their shoes before reacting.
 
Ms Le Cuir

quote:


Faerytattoodgirl herself earlier has indicated far better what is most important for the transgendered

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I just want to add my 2 cents here.

I just wanted to point out to people that the OP is neither representative nor reflective of view commonly held by the transgendered community.

I'm happy that the OP has managed to finally find herself a successful and meaningful close personal relationship, but she in writing such an OP and dictating to the rest of the people in society on issues she clearly isn't an expert on is quite damaging to the transgendered community as a whole and only serves to reinforce the commonly held assumption that we are 'dressing up as women' to indulge our own kinks and fetishes.

There are many other transgendered people, myself included, who are - in the face of a lot of prejudice, harrassment, rejection, and sometimes abuse and threat of physical assault - are working to establish themselves in mainstream society purely to be themselves and to try and live their lives as best they can and deal with the issues they were born with privately.

Faerytattoodgirl herself earlier has indicated far better what is most important for the transgendered - the need for acceptance and understanding and I as a mosaic find myself more in agreement with what Faerytattoodgirl herself has posted.

This isn't a matter of choice or kink, I didn't choose to be made up of two incomplete DNA patterns, it's the way I was born, and be sure that my interest in kink and BDSM is separate from my female identity.

I just wanted to point this out to other people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:


Faerytattoodgirl herself earlier has indicated far better what is most important for the transgendered

i wasnt speaking for the transgendered...i was speaking of the fact that i cant offer sex.  being different is only part of the issue.  but the fact that im intersexed turns off most people because they know they cant get what the want sexually with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

perhaps you could explain to me where the OP mentions This particular topic anywhere.  Now I also went back through the pages and found not a mention of this topic. I am sorry Stella, Your issues are not that of every one elses...

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I just want to add my 2 cents here.

I just wanted to point out to people that the OP is neither representative nor reflective of view commonly held by the transgendered community.

I'm happy that the OP has managed to finally find herself a successful and meaningful close personal relationship, but she in writing such an OP and dictating to the rest of the people in society on issues she clearly isn't an expert on is quite damaging to the transgendered community as a whole and only serves to reinforce the commonly held assumption that we are 'dressing up as women' to indulge our own kinks and fetishes.

There are many other transgendered people, myself included, who are - in the face of a lot of prejudice, harrassment, rejection, and sometimes abuse and threat of physical assault - are working to establish themselves in mainstream society purely to be themselves and to try and live their lives as best they can and deal with the issues they were born with privately.

Faerytattoodgirl herself earlier has indicated far better what is most important for the transgendered - the need for acceptance and understanding and I as a mosaic find myself more in agreement with what Faerytattoodgirl herself has posted.

This isn't a matter of choice or kink, I didn't choose to be made up of two incomplete DNA patterns, it's the way I was born, and be sure that my interest in kink and BDSM is separate from my female identity.

I just wanted to point this out to other people.

On a side note, I saw a thread on a topic recently about ppl interuppting a thread just to talk about themselves.

On a second side note... I'm tired of hearing how insensitive every one is about this or that. If it aint me... give me a reason to care. Just because you're people too doesn't mean I give a damn about you. People as a race suck! Just look at the planet.

OP. first... my apologies.

second. See my previous answer with following addition

*addition* BDSM is only a small part of our sexual dynamic. Our sexual dynamic is an even smaller part of our relationship. Now do understand that our "sex" is VERY demanding and EXTREMELY rewarding. We are also fortunate enough to live with eachother and thusly, with no UM's, a when we feel like time thing. Because our relationship consists of more than "As you wish" we live a far more fulfilling life than if we were to limit ourselves to one side of the bedroom door.*/addition*

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

perhaps you could explain to me where the OP mentions This particular topic anywhere.  Now I also went back through the pages and found not a mention of this topic. I am sorry Stella, Your issues are not that of every one elses...

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I just want to add my 2 cents here.

I just wanted to point out to people that the OP is neither representative nor reflective of view commonly held by the transgendered community.

I'm happy that the OP has managed to finally find herself a successful and meaningful close personal relationship, but she in writing such an OP and dictating to the rest of the people in society on issues she clearly isn't an expert on is quite damaging to the transgendered community as a whole and only serves to reinforce the commonly held assumption that we are 'dressing up as women' to indulge our own kinks and fetishes.

There are many other transgendered people, myself included, who are - in the face of a lot of prejudice, harrassment, rejection, and sometimes abuse and threat of physical assault - are working to establish themselves in mainstream society purely to be themselves and to try and live their lives as best they can and deal with the issues they were born with privately.

Faerytattoodgirl herself earlier has indicated far better what is most important for the transgendered - the need for acceptance and understanding and I as a mosaic find myself more in agreement with what Faerytattoodgirl herself has posted.

This isn't a matter of choice or kink, I didn't choose to be made up of two incomplete DNA patterns, it's the way I was born, and be sure that my interest in kink and BDSM is separate from my female identity.

I just wanted to point this out to other people.

On a side note, I saw a thread on a topic recently about ppl interuppting a thread just to talk about themselves.

On a second side note... I'm tired of hearing how insensitive every one is about this or that. If it aint me... give me a reason to care. Just because you're people too doesn't mean I give a damn about you. People as a race suck! Just look at the planet.

OP. first... my apologies.

second. See my previous answer with following addition

*addition* BDSM is only a small part of our sexual dynamic. Our sexual dynamic is an even smaller part of our relationship. Now do understand that our "sex" is VERY demanding and EXTREMELY rewarding. We are also fortunate enough to live with eachother and thusly, with no UM's, a when we feel like time thing. Because our relationship consists of more than "As you wish" we live a far more fulfilling life than if we were to limit ourselves to one side of the bedroom door.*/addition*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann


At a risk of opening an ugly debate, I did notice that the OP was transgendered when I read the posting.  I think what Stella was commenting on, essentially, was that the OP wasn't voicing the opinion of all transgendereds.  I did take a small potshot at the OP in terms of tolerance; that this person expects people to accept their stated gender preference, yet outright rejects the sexual desires other consenting adults make.  It's like a KKK member telling me not to be racist.

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Hey look, we can pick hairs, but what I intended from posting what I did obviously didn't come out right, I didn't intend to upset people but this is what it looks like, it wasn't intended, I'm sorry. I genuinely didn't mean to cause anyone any offence.

Please accept my sincere apologies, I'm bowing out here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mslecuir

 In my professional opinion, true BDSM does NOT involve sex.

TWUE BDSM???
 

quote:

 For proof of this go to your local BDSM group. You should not see any type of sex going on.

Most BDSM clubs do not allow sex for legal reasons. 
 
In some places it's illegal to engage in sex while your partner is bound, because then it's rape.
 
In some places, paying admission at the door would be sex for money.
 
In some places, that would put it in the same category as a swingers club and have to follow the same regulations. (In San Diego, that means that you cannot exchange phone numbers or make arrangements to see each other outside of the club while you are inside the club.)
 
There are a lot of legal reasons why most BDSM clubs do not allow sex. So, that discounts your proof.
 
The other discount of your proof is that one of the oldest private organziations in the country is in the LA area. It's an "anything goes" party.
 
If you choose not to have sex within BDSM that's your choice. But, it has nothing to do with being "twue" or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann


At a risk of opening an ugly debate, I did notice that the OP was transgendered when I read the posting.  I think what Stella was commenting on, essentially, was that the OP wasn't voicing the opinion of all transgendereds.  I did take a small potshot at the OP in terms of tolerance; that this person expects people to accept their stated gender preference, yet outright rejects the sexual desires other consenting adults make.  It's like a KKK member telling me not to be racist.

Stephan

(privately laughing at a memory) Thanks... I recall a scenario as absurd.
 
As for the rest of what you say... I largley agree, and any thing suspect amy come down to legaleze or DoO (diff of opinion).

Stella. My bite comes as quick as my bark sometimes... and your post triggered in me a train of clarity that goes as quick as it comes, so please regard my comments as a generalization more than a personal attack. It was just the trigger I needed to get those particular words out in that particular order. Thanks for your generous contributions to these pages.