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angelthighhighs -> who is ath? (7/17/2004 12:21:42 AM)
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first of all hi to everyone here.
who i am is a strong, caring, loving, intelligent, witty, creative woman. who discovered one day that she also is a submissive and felt like she finally found who she is meant to be.
i raised three daughters and helped to raise a few of my grandkids along with trying to go to school, to work, to take care of a mother that was sick to the point that i had forgotten about me. now, my kids are grown and on their own, i'm on my own too first the first time in my life. while i enjoy it, i also know that i would like to have someone that enhances my life to enjoy life with. i used the time i was raising my kids to also discover about myself. to learn my wants, needs, desires, wishes...fantasies and whatever else lol. and that was before i even knew about this lifestyle so in a way i was a head of the "game" since i already knew these answers before i started.
when i first started i started online. talking with those in the lifestyle, learning all i could but it still felt like something was missing... i knew/know i need to experience this real life in order for it to be fulfilling for me. i've had a couple of online Masters and at the time they were alright, it gave me a chance to basically learn the D/s side of things. to learn who i am in this lifestyle. in the process i've made many mistakes. as we all have lol. one was i learned its best to be alone that with the wrong one...the wrong one for you. i've been able to learn the type of Dominant that is what i need. that might sound a little i don't know arrogant, or "unsubbie-like" to some but i don't mean to come across like that. as i said i'm a strong person, had to be, not by choice but to be able to survive. in doing so i've learned to like who i am. i know that it took me too long to find me to want to lose myself again. i'm slow to surrender to someone, because i know when i do, i do so deeply and fully. i know that i need someone that is patient that understands and doesn't push...but as Sinergy said in another thread about the horse whisperer... Sir, that was exactly how i believe it should be. i don't need nor want a Dominant that comes in on a white horse thinking he will "save me" and to mold me into someone i'm not but someone that sees that rose thats there hidden, that takes the time and energy to coax it to grow, to blossom so that my heart finds it needs to surrender to him, sometimes before i even know. this might sound a bit romantic to some. but that too is part of who i am. for me i can't have D/s without love being involved. if love isn't involved its' just BDSM and just a role play and it leaves me empty and i find i will not fully surrender.
the person i surrender to will i hope enjoy my wit, enjoy that i speak my mind but perhaps guides me so i don't get carried away as i do sometimes. i find it hard when you're so use to being in charge of things to turn it all over, but i also have that need to do this. so i please ask to be patient with me as while i've been in this lifestyle for a while, i'm still learning.
[image]local://upfiles/30793/C158D34FB4A642A9B745094CF2045235.gif[/image]
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