RE: Spill all..or a white lie?

RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (Full Version)

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adoracat -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 10:23:09 AM)
i think one of the most awkward moments i've ever had was after meeting a dominant who resembled my father. my skin literally crawled when he shook my hand. i could talk to him just fine but i didnt wish to be touched by him at all. he was really angry that i turned him down, told me that i was NEVER going to find someone on collarme. fortunately for me, he was wrong. kitten

MissHarlet -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 10:25:42 AM)
Did you tell him why you turned him down ?? He should have appreciated your honesty if you did...... obviously he was wrong about your finding a Master so chalk it up to his loss ... and <weg> hope he reads this thread !

LPslittleclip -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 5:30:39 PM)
if you cant be honest with yourself than how can you be so with a dominant. it is hard for some who are submissive to voice disinterest but they must be honest.the truth works. just say what your feeling and you might find that they feel the same. you will gain much more respect for a honest response than a less than honest one no matter how well intentioned it may be.

softness -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 5:34:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl This question is drawing from my personal experiences past few months and a friends current decision to make. Kinda got me thinking.. when you meet Someone and it is..just..not.happening. at. all. How long do you have to stay to be polite? do you tell them why, even if its rude? (BO, unkempt, werid vibe, not as the represented themselves..?) Or just smile, say something nice, and use the pattened "Its not you..its me", line? Especially if its not something a person can change. How does being submissive (aka: usually nice!) and being polite still balance with getting a person to know..there is no chance? be just as you would be in normallife, just because its a kinky person doesn't mean they should be treated any different me.. I would enjoy the meal or drink, be nice and polite .. and then say a firm goodbye at the end .. if they pushed for a reason .. be polite .. and honest ..there is no need for cruelty unless they push you to it

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 7:46:53 PM)
I give them a general three chances rule. I just say "Hey I'm sorry but I'm not interested." and then a firmer "No, this isn't going to happen" and then I just walk away.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/28/2008 7:56:09 PM)
"I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling the kind of chemistry I need to feel in order to pursue the relationship I want. But, I really appreciate your interest!" Master Fire

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 6:43:10 AM)
recently, i have been on the other side of your problem where the "Dominants" couldn't tell me that we weren't just a good fit ...especially when they're the ones who approached me first. i don't appreciate the lack of common curtesy from these men however i'm not bitter since i did the right thing by telling them what they couldn't tell me. it's funny reading their lame excuses to why they haven't responded back to me. my kindergartener could come up with better lies than what they gave me.

camille65 -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 6:47:37 AM)
My instinct was to say that ofcourse I tell someone right away that I don't feel 'it'. After thinking about it though I realised that a lot of times I don't realise that immediately, sometimes it will be something that I don't see for awhile. That makes it a bit harder when it is only seen after getting together several times. I may not know that they have something that totally squicks me out like awful table manners, or that they are rude to service people etc. When I do realise it however I tell them I don't think it will work. Depending on why, I may or may not tell them the details but I try not to let it go on when I know that it just ain't going to happen.

adoracat -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 12:26:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissHarlet Did you tell him why you turned him down ?? He should have appreciated your honesty if you did...... obviously he was wrong about your finding a Master so chalk it up to his loss ... and <weg> hope he reads this thread ! actually, yes, i did, when he asked why i wouldnt see him again. and he knew about the history of abuse also. and he knows about me finding Daddy, he IM'ed me randomly for weeks afterwards to get me to cyber with him (which i didnt) and then would berate me that no, i didnt have a Master when i said that i was not allowed to play online or not. i think he finally got the hint after the 5th polite rejection on my part. [:D] kitten, whose Daddy encourages her to be a bitch to other dominants who deserve such behavior (although normally i dont)

angelbluewingsz -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 8:02:57 PM)
I showed a guy the door during sex cuz it just wasnt all that good- in fact, I spent the time deciding what color to paint my toe nails... It actually turned out well, my neighbor caught a glimpse of me, naked in the door way and now we have regular trists when his wife is at work!

katie978 -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 9:25:17 PM)
~fast reply~ Depends on how they misrepresented themselves or the bad vibe I'm getting. If it was a little white lie, like they told me they were taller than they were, I stay polite and just never set up another date. Same goes for no connection-it's nobody's fault, and we can both tell, so there's no need to explain. If they asked me, I would of course let them know what the problem was. If they blatantly lied, like about their relationship status or some other deal-breaker, then I will tell them, and leave mid-date. This is a point where I might get rude, since they were obviously trying to deceive me, they aren't worth being polite to.

MissHarlet -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/29/2008 9:36:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adoracat quote: ORIGINAL: MissHarlet Did you tell him why you turned him down ?? He should have appreciated your honesty if you did...... obviously he was wrong about your finding a Master so chalk it up to his loss ... and <weg> hope he reads this thread ! actually, yes, i did, when he asked why i wouldnt see him again. and he knew about the history of abuse also. and he knows about me finding Daddy, he IM'ed me randomly for weeks afterwards to get me to cyber with him (which i didnt) and then would berate me that no, i didnt have a Master when i said that i was not allowed to play online or not. i think he finally got the hint after the 5th polite rejection on my part. [:D] kitten, whose Daddy encourages her to be a bitch to other dominants who deserve such behavior (although normally i dont) You have proved him wrong about not finding a Master and that is the best revenge <EG>

StormsSlave -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/30/2008 12:47:25 AM)
I'm with most of the folks on here: how about a happy medium? I would say, "Look, you look like a nice guy, so I'm going to be honest. I'm just not feeling it here. Thanks for taking the time to meet me. Sorry it didn't work out." Then I would walk. Telling him he has bo or is too fat or too ugly helps no one except you justify your reasons when the only reason you really need is that you don't wanna.

metalmiss -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/30/2008 8:16:16 AM)
My advice would be that you just have to be honest.. as has probably been said here already, it might be something the other person is not even aware of.. Being straight about the problem in a polite way is the answer here, its the only way people ever learn. If the problem is something they can't change, then surely that comes down to incompatibility between the two people? Being submissive is not about having to be extremely and unduely nice to people, it takes strength to be submissive, it requires integrity & loyalty not only to the people you would submit to, but to yourself. Hiding the way you think and feel about a person just so that you won't bruise their ego or appear "unsubmissive" is simply being dishonest to that person. i am very submissive myself.. but if i have a problem with something in my life i make sure the other person involved knows about it.. even if that Person is my Master. And i know He wouldn't have it any other way. If they don't have a chance, whether it's a lack of chemistry or it just feels wrong.. Be honest and open about it, there's no point leading somebody on in any way, shape or form just to conform with the way that people seem to think submissive's should behave. All that does over time is project a bad image onto you as far as others might be concerned. Dragging it out just to be polite is not healthy for you or them & in the long run they will appreciate your honesty. Hope that helps.. xx

xxblushesxx -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/30/2008 11:38:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelbluewingsz I showed a guy the door during sex cuz it just wasnt all that good- in fact, I spent the time deciding what color to paint my toe nails... It actually turned out well, my neighbor caught a glimpse of me, naked in the door way and now we have regular trists when his wife is at work! How lovely for you.

HerLord -> RE: Spill all..or a white lie? (3/30/2008 3:32:14 PM)
The Truth, in this case, as in all, Shall set you free. Honesty is ALWAYS the only answer I consider. If you are trying to be nice... talk to some one else. If you lack the intestinal fortitude to be honest with them... best of luck

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