RE: Have I become a discarded sub?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Have I become a discarded sub?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Have I become a discarded sub?

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/2/2008 5:03:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings4You
I've read numerous posts by submissives (men and women) here, and elsewhere, who feel abandoned by Doms who don't contact them for weeks after play, who have to seek medical treatment by themselves, etc.

And how many of them exactly talked to their dom beforehand and specifically made agreements with them that they would be available to help with aftercare? In my experience, almost none.

quote:

BDSM is an intimate, deeply personal, form of sexual play. I think knowing how give good aftercare is just as important as knowing how to use the tools One carries in One's toybag...

That's great. But don't suggest it's universal, or that someone isn't a great top just because they don't give it, or don't always want to.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Floggings4You)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/2/2008 11:45:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This became a better thread in the following, rather than the OP.

LA, I wouldn't disagree with you. I, most certainly have known those who can not stand to be touched after a scene, and really don't particularly care to hear from a Top again until the next time to play rolls around. No, I wouldn't say they are the majority, but they certainly exist. They don't work well for Me, because I tend to be a person who needs certain aspects of aftercare Myself. I tend to have Top drop without it, so I tend to avoid playing with those types.

The greater question is this. Where was the discussion about this *before* the play ever happened? I know I can't be the only one out there who thinks this is a subject that should be just as much of a part of pre-scene negotiation as to what type of play, medical conditions, safewords, etc., that a top and bottom should discuss before the two engage in play. Not doing so is just begging for problems afterward.

I consider Myself very fortunate in this area. I have some lovely bottoms that I play with on a semi-regular basis. Not only do I know the type of play they enjoy, how intense they like the scene to be, and how to enjoy our time together, but I also know how much or how little aftercare is required. I know their favorite blanket to be wrapped up in. I know what candy is their particular favorite. (Not to mention which ones need sugar free candy, because they are diabetic.) I know which one's tears need to be wiped away, and I know which ones prefer a follow up call, rather than an email. I know which ones I should contact the next day, or which ones need a few days to process.

How do I know all of these things? I asked.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/3/2008 5:04:29 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like from the Op said, he fed her, bed her, fucked her, beat her and went on his merry way to his nice lil wifie and 3.5 kids and his mortage..thus dumping her.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/3/2008 11:00:49 AM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings4You
But, a submissive who would meet a stranger to engage in being beaten "really badly", is asking to wind up in a barrel along Route 69.

And, a Dom/me who would agree to meet a stranger and beat that person "really badly" is asking to be brought up on charges.

LOL I'll let everyone at Leather Retreat know. They'll find it quite amusing.

Please keep in mind, I said 'stranger'. If the people at the Leather Retreat have had a couple days or more to get to know each O/other at least somewhat (and T/they are registered with the event, as well, of course), O/one might not need to consider T/them 'strangers', at that point...

< Message edited by Floggings4You -- 4/3/2008 11:01:48 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/3/2008 11:07:56 AM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings4You
I've read numerous posts by submissives (men and women) here, and elsewhere, who feel abandoned by Doms who don't contact them for weeks after play, who have to seek medical treatment by themselves, etc.

And how many of them exactly talked to their dom beforehand and specifically made agreements with them that they would be available to help with aftercare? In my experience, almost none.
quote:

I can't help but think that the Doms bear the greater responsibility for making--and following through--such agreements. (I also can't help but think that you are being curiously defensive of your particular views of BDSM play, which is clearly different from Mine.)

By the way, I checked the section on "safety suggestions for meeting through ads or BBSs" from Screw the Roses... (pages 16, 48-49, . What I've posted so far in this thread in no way contradicts the advice given there.

quote:

BDSM is an intimate, deeply personal, form of sexual play. I think knowing how give good aftercare is just as important as knowing how to use the tools One carries in One's toybag...

That's great. But don't suggest it's universal, or that someone isn't a great top just because they don't give it, or don't always want to.

If I viewed it as universal, I would see no reason for sharing My opinions.

< Message edited by Floggings4You -- 4/3/2008 11:19:04 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/4/2008 6:13:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings4You
Please keep in mind, I said 'stranger'. If the people at the Leather Retreat have had a couple days or more to get to know each O/other at least somewhat (and T/they are registered with the event, as well, of course), O/one might not need to consider T/them 'strangers', at that point...

Nope trust me, we're talking strangers. Heck, there's even a kidnapping crew you can sign up for to be kidnapped and played with by half a dozen people you've never even seen before in your life- it's LOADS of fun and one of the most anticipated parts of the event.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Floggings4You)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/4/2008 8:23:17 PM

msterfixer

Posts: 78
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

te slave is the master, continue on

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/5/2008 8:42:00 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

It seems doubtful that this will develop into a real relationship. It's time for you to move on. However don't get discourged......... there is someone out there who is perfect for you.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/5/2008 2:17:20 PM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings4You
Please keep in mind, I said 'stranger'. If the people at the Leather Retreat have had a couple days or more to get to know each O/other at least somewhat (and T/they are registered with the event, as well, of course), O/one might not need to consider T/them 'strangers', at that point...

Nope trust me, we're talking strangers. Heck, there's even a kidnapping crew you can sign up for to be kidnapped and played with by half a dozen people you've never even seen before in your life- it's LOADS of fun and one of the most anticipated parts of the event.

I don't know what you consider a 'stranger', but there is a difference between someone I've never personally met--and who is a stranger to everyO/one I know as well--and someO/one I've not personally met, but W/who has been vouched for by someO/one I know.

Bonded couriers, anyO/one?

(I said 'registered with the event', and you even quoted it in your reply.)

I'm assuming everyone in the 'Kidnapping Crew' has been screened, tested for STDs, and is registered with the event? Even though their 'victim' doesn't know them personally, the victim knows that the 'Crew' is well-known to the people running the event.

These may be people the 'victim' has never met, but the 'victim' has (or, ought to have) several assurances about the 'Crew' that the 'victim' would never have, regarding actual 'strangers'...

< Message edited by Floggings4You -- 4/5/2008 2:23:51 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: Have I become a discarded sub? - 4/5/2008 2:20:29 PM

Floggings4You

Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

-duplicate post-

< Message edited by Floggings4You -- 4/5/2008 2:21:33 PM >

(in reply to Floggings4You)

Profile

Post #: 70