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Too Real? - 3/31/2008 5:22:20 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins?

Has this happened to You? Is this You?

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

Post #: 1

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 5:51:47 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I've never been accused of it, but I think that describes what I want to do. I am for the most part a realist, I don't expect to make demands that are impractical or do not take into consideration the realities of life as an employee, boss, parent etc.... and I always want lives to grow. That is my ultimate goal in everything I do. That's not a bad thing as far as I can tell. I sure hope there's a sub out there somewhere who thinks so too.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 2

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 6:04:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's funny you should mention this, because I was thinking about this very thing last night as I was on My way to work.

That's right. I said last night. On a Sunday. To My job where most people wouldn't look to find a Domme in the lifestyle. The same one that doesn't allow Me to go to every event because I'm at work half of the weekends of the year. With My crazy work schedule, most people assume I'm in the medical field, but I'm not. In fact, I even <gasp> get dirty for a living. I'm not complaining, though. It more than well pays for the toys and the events that scheduling permits.

Anyway, that's the easiest example, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of other things in there, too. The fact that time management doesn't always allow for work, husband, submissive, home, etc., AND take up every play opportunity that comes My way. How about the fact that I'm an official GILF? No, I'm not in leather constantly (though I am for events) and happen to like wearing colors. Even pink. I'm not a fabulous size four, with a set of fake knockers. Most importantly, I'm human first.

In short, I'm not every submissive's fantasy, but I sure am worth it for those who are interested in the real thing.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 3

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 6:27:33 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Good post. Im going to steal LadyPact last line and say "Im sure worth it for those who are interested in the real thing."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 6:45:32 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

The funny thing about my Twighlight Zone-ish life - is that I am a Pro Domme, and my relationship with my boy seems to be turning more and more Vanilla. The weekends of fun and play time are still there, but getting less often, and not as important. Even the play time we have is more often than not "work" since he (and now we) want to do videos and we have started performing at fetish clubs/events. Real life - his work, both of our kids, my planning to move to his home...it is taking up more time. The more time we spend together, the more real life gets in the way of fun. We are both going with issues with our kids, and having to deal with our ex-spouses. The pendulum has definitely shifted...and honestly, I am not quite sure how I am feeling about that. My stress and everyday responsibilities with my kids were easier when it was just me. I'm ok alone. I will take the shirt off my back for someone I care about, but stand in the freezing cold getting frost bite before I ask for a shirt...I am stubborn, proud, independant - not always in the best way. I don't like to ask for help, burden others with my problems, or add to anyones stress or responsibilities.

I want to believe him when he says he loves me, but I know I am a bit jaded and scared, and I suppose my walls have not come down as much as I thought. I really wonder sometimes if he would love Sandy as much if I wasn't Mistress Sandy. I know it is the D/s part of the relationship that makes our relationship different from any other he has had - the ability to be so open, and he tells me I am his "dream girl" since he can tell me anything - and I not only accept it, but totally get off making his fantasies reality. The boys I see professionally, although personal/professional lines do blur and I have very special friendships - are D/s that ocassionally cross over to vanilla. With him, it seems to be the other way around - at least that is where it looks like it is going. Real life is filled with stress, problems, and bull shit that I sometimes would just deal with on my own.

I don't know...it is the best relationship I have ever had, but I was not looking for it, and maybe I just look for reasons why it won't work, to avoid getting hurt as I have in the past. I think I see that one day the excitement of the play, fetishes & fantasies will fade, and I wonder if things will be as strong then, and as fulfilling.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 7:18:14 AM

BlueHnS

Posts: 166
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

While I've never outright been accused of this ... I'm sure that it's happened. I don't mind though. I found my approach tends to deter those looking for Ms Right Now, which I have no inclination to be.

_____________________________

Questions are dangerous, for they have answers. ~ Kushiel's Dart
I think I'm going to get off. ~ The Poet

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 6

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 8:50:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Absolutely I am far too into Real Life and getting through the day. That was such an issue with my former slave---he was amazed that we could actually watch tv, go grocery shopping, fix dinner, do NORMAL stuff! Life is not a 24/7 scene, and that's that.

And I wear pink too! Yay COLORS!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to BlueHnS)

Post #: 7

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 8:55:08 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that the relationship progresses

Has this happened to You? Is this You?

Some artful snipping to get at what I wanted.
This is what I was accused of. Focusing too much on a relationship and not enough on a playmate. How dare I want to be able to talk about things other than kink, expect to be seen at actual vanilla events like the movies, or a restaurant... and not expect some sort of public scene every time we left the house?

Sorry, I expect more than a prop for my kink out of a submissive. If I am going to bother starting something with someone, I have to know itll have depth beyond playtime. Otherwise, I know full wel I wont be interested.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 8

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 9:39:23 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i believe it's the only smart way to go; we must work to fit our kink into our 'real life', not the other way around. Nut then, i'm not heavily into the fantasy of WIITWD; role play is fine at a scene or event, but it's not the be all and end all of the lifestyle for me. i don't mean roleplay as the seductive sorceress and the errant knight snared in her web, but roleplay with the strong 'nothing can touch my heart' leather and latex domina and the sniveling 'i am whatever you want me to be submissive'.

The fantasy cannot be held forever and thus, reality must be grounded and made strong first in order for a relationship to be more than a one-scene fling. When the fantasy crumbles, if nothing else is established; where does it leave the poor dominant and submissive but stranded in a 'relationship' together with nothing in common to build upon.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
And I wear pink too! Yay COLORS!

*cringes, after having made the mistake of picturing Ma'am in pink and frillies... calms himself by chanting 'purple sweats' over and over again*

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 3/31/2008 9:43:14 AM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 10:18:12 AM

Araven

Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

Not everything can be a fantasy 24/7... there are so many issues with real-life that pop up, and when real-life pops up, it seems like it wants to kick you when you are down on the ground and then smear your mud in the face almost suffociating you.

That being said.. my relationship extends beyond just the BDSM. While we play, have fun, and do fun things, that isnt everything in the relationship. There are pets to tend to, laundry to get done, bills to pay. Up and down, Im not just in a relationship with a "play" partner. I am in a relationship with a soul-mate and that includes EVERYTHING in life, not just the play. Sometimes its a struggle, but slowly I am learning to adapt and help =).

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 10

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 11:44:45 AM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Feeling a bit better today. It was a long weekend, filled with a lot of REAL life problems. Having some obvious "control issues" - I hate having others deal with my problems (especially with my kids - and I have one that is very smart and very bad - and I have to be really tough with). I also get very frustrated watching my boy deal with problems (work and his son) that I cannot have control over. It makes it even harder when I do not agree with the way he handles things - avoiding confrontation - NOT putting his foot down.

Things happened pretty quickly for us...and all of a sudden I am looking around realizing that I got so caught up in love (not just the D/s part) and the thought of moving in together is still scary. We talk about everything - even this. he does his best to reassure me, but bottom line is there are no guarantees in life. I tell people FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real. I am finding myself having to listen to my own advice - I hate that!lol

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 11

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 11:56:25 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

My point of view is that if you want a real time relationship, especially if you live together 24/7, you need to deal with the daily career and domestic necessities. And remember that we are all only human.

Keeping it real!

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 12

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 1:21:35 PM

tamed

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/23/2004
Status: offline

i am very interested in the everyday-life aspect of a D/s relationship, and i think that it has the big effect of fading the passion and enthusiasm into the necessities of the "human being" which Vendaval was saying about (if my interpretation is right).
But if i can express a very personal taste, that passage is what i like more in a D/s relationship, because it is what will make substantial, real, tough, tasty the emotions and the feelings of D/s. It would make the two persons feel how they can really bite those feelings from the two sides of it, because they are passing the tests of the reality of the everyday-life.
Of course they will need languages and rules different from those of the ease of a fetish party. Everything'll have to be more subtle... implict... light... based on complicity, any drama and theatical effect will be deleted. But it is what i would personally like more.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 13

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 1:34:19 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Being my Owner's slave means everything from the stuff of fantasies to helping her clip out cupons before we go grocery shopping. You know what? The latter is just as important to me as the former.

DV's Fox

(in reply to tamed)

Post #: 14

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 1:53:07 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins?

Has this happened to You? Is this You?

I'm betting this is more often the case than not for folks. It's what sends most email exchanges, first meeting get-to-knows, etc to a screeching halt... the fantasy of one party comes crashing into the reality the other expresses.

I know it's been the ending point of many, many interactions for me. I desire and pursue some very extreme or intense things, a few of which are actively snubbed for those aspects on these boards by the majority... but I've only had once that those have been the problem. I can't count how many times I've had someone lose interest or get bored or angry because I talk about the safety considerations, the realistic details of a scene or *shudder* *gasp* daily life as it would pertain to our interactions, or just plain admit to having hobbies!

I'm kinky and I'm violent and I'm controlling and I'm absolutely desirable and divine... and I've also a stuffed animal collection, two kittycats, some health issues, an adoring spouse, bills to pay, am a stickler for safety measures (especially as like bloodplay and other such!), and I'm just a darn geek.

I find that the idea of Their Divine Goddess Mistress One doesn't mix well with CPR trained, WoW playing, dish-doing, museum going female. ;)

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 15

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 3:29:48 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

I'm betting this is more often the case than not for folks. It's what sends most email exchanges, first meeting get-to-knows, etc to a screeching halt... the fantasy of one party comes crashing into the reality the other expresses.

Oh geesh, yes. How many chats have disappeared because I wouldn't just sit here and type out how intense our play would be on a day to day basis. When I say, how bout we just get to know each other first. BOOM.....all of a suddon they are never on Yahoo anymore after being on there every day for a week or so.
This thread is kinda making me sad today. My boy and I get along so well both in and out of the dungeon. And, it has been so short lived....and it will be a looooooooooooooooooong year while he's deployed. And, who knows what will happen during that year. I've embraced the moment and so has he but having something so good, for so short, is just down right making me sad. That kind of chemistry doesn't come along that often. *sigh*

So, here I sit sifting through the chat disappearances due to "too real" syndrome.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 16

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 4:31:20 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

Are you or have you been accused of being too real?

ahhh thats why i dont get hardly any responses!

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 17

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 4:40:54 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus
This thread is kinda making me sad today. My boy and I get along so well both in and out of the dungeon. And, it has been so short lived....and it will be a looooooooooooooooooong year while he's deployed. And, who knows what will happen during that year. I've embraced the moment and so has he but having something so good, for so short, is just down right making me sad. That kind of chemistry doesn't come along that often. *sigh*

So, here I sit sifting through the chat disappearances due to "too real" syndrome.

Feel your pain - kinda goes along with my own fear since there are no gaurantees - but I remind myself of a favorite movie quote: Steel Magnolias - "I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special".

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 18

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 4:44:31 PM

pinksissyPA

Posts: 90
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins?

Has this happened to You? Is this You?

Please forgive my ignorance but what is WIITWD?

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 19

RE: Too Real? - 3/31/2008 4:48:20 PM

pinksissyPA

Posts: 90
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's funny you should mention this, because I was thinking about this very thing last night as I was on My way to work.

That's right. I said last night. On a Sunday. To My job where most people wouldn't look to find a Domme in the lifestyle. The same one that doesn't allow Me to go to every event because I'm at work half of the weekends of the year. With My crazy work schedule, most people assume I'm in the medical field, but I'm not. In fact, I even <gasp> get dirty for a living. I'm not complaining, though. It more than well pays for the toys and the events that scheduling permits.

Awww i think Lady Pact is gorgeous and very sexy.

Respectfully,

pink

Anyway, that's the easiest example, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of other things in there, too. The fact that time management doesn't always allow for work, husband, submissive, home, etc., AND take up every play opportunity that comes My way. How about the fact that I'm an official GILF? No, I'm not in leather constantly (though I am for events) and happen to like wearing colors. Even pink. I'm not a fabulous size four, with a set of fake knockers. Most importantly, I'm human first.

In short, I'm not every submissive's fantasy, but I sure am worth it for those who are interested in the real thing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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