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CanisMajor -> RE: respect (10/5/2005 6:07:21 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut
I think everyone tends to confuse the concept of "respect" in those "initial" contacts with plain old "common courtesy".
There is vast difference between respect and common courtesy.
I disagree with both premises - that everybody tends to confuse respect with common courtesy, and that there is a vast difference between them. The reason has to do with the word definitions, which reflect usage. In about half the definitions I've read courtesy is said to be a "respectful" act. About the same number of definitions for "respect" refer to it being a "polite expression of courtesy," or a "courteous expression by word or deed." Speaking for myself, and I suspect for many others, this is the meaning of "respect" that we cite when we insist upon both having and showing it in our day-to-day interactions, both within and outside the scene. Even moving beyond the dictionary, they seem very closely bound both conceptually and in terms of how we judge people.
Suppose a number of observers watch someone interacting with a series of people, and in those interactions our subject is seen to be uniformly courteous and polite to everyone he or she meets. We now poll our observers. How many of them are going to say, "that person was very courteous, but he showed no signs of respect at all?" It seems obvious that the majority are not going to be willing to accuse our subject of being disrespectful.
Similarly, if our subject greets someone they think to be depraved, whom they do not respect, and nevertheless greet them courteously, how many of our observers are going to be misled into thinking our subject has shown respect for the person they were greeting? I've observed this firsthand on many occasions, and the answer is "most of them," perhaps all of them who lacked prior knowledge of the relationship. This is so common an experience in our lives that it is a frequent plot device in novels, movies, and television. So common, indeed, that we have a widely-understood expression of censure used to describe people who engage in this sort of practice routinely - "two faced."
So it seems almost impossible to me to achieve a show of courtesy without a show of respect at this basic level, and for that reason I don't think the difference is vast.
Now respect also has other meanings, such as a 'feeling of deferential regard for,' or a 'feeling of esteem for,' or 'condition of being honored.' This is the sort of respect one would have for a close friend or an accomplished person in the same profession, and here we are getting more distinct from courtesy because we are using respect as a noun (rather than as a verb, above), and because the usage generally describes an inner state of being rather than a behaviour. This is the definition that people focus on when they think they don't have to show respect in their everyday interactions with people. It is also the definition that people with hang-ups about forms of address and ritual like to point to, sometimes shrilly and with the goal of bludgeoning others. But these people do not admit the obvious - that respect also has other meanings very closely bound up with courtesy and polite behaviour.
So I certainly disagree that everyone tends to confuse respect with courtesy - although some tend to. Unfortunately, I think those who are most confused about it are those who think courtesy and respect are unrelated concepts.
Edit:
An excellent example of my point was posted while I had to step away while composing the above - subkitten32 wrote:
quote:
As for me, I have courtesy and politeness for all. Respect is earned.
Now, what does this mean? One possible meaning based on the "feeling of esteem" meaning of "respect" is that she actually despises everyone until she gets to know them better. If so, then the courtesy and politeness she expresses to all is frequently a lie.
Should we assume this is the case? Absolutely not. Obviously, she shows respect to others by word (such as using their name rather than using a derogatory term) and deed (by shaking hands, perhaps), while reserving a special feeling of esteem for those whom she has gotten to know and likes.
We all understand this. The only confusion here is fostered by subkitten, who doesn't acknowledge what "respect" means to a most of the people who have heard the word.
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