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RE: respect - 10/6/2005 8:59:16 AM

FLButtSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

There is a common misunderstanding of respect as being earned. What actually happens is that one proves worthy of respect with consistency of word and deed. It's not something one 'works' for-but a thing simply garnered by an individual's standard of behavior.

You are quite right in this regard, although I don't think there is a lot of harm in thinking that someone who has "proven worthy by word and deed" has "earned" respect.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop
And of course,it is a mutual thing. A sub demanding immediate respect is no better than a Dominant doing the same. This is not to say that adults should not excercise a standard of common courtesy in interactions in general. Too often, I think roles are seen before people,stereotypes before individuals. Blame media and porn for it,for the most part.

But let's not quibble so much about titles,etc....and if merely using a polite TERM connotates immediate ownship connections. They do not.

Again, within the lifestyle community, those "polite terms", while not necessarily being indicative of "immediate ownership" are far too often bandied about as something too many feel they are entitled to because of the things they identify with and the feeling that they should be addressed by that term out of the "respect" for that "title". In initial contacts, those "titles" are self-proclaimed until those "word and deeds" prove the person worthy. Needless to say, demanding to be addressed that way is not likely going in the right direction to "prove" that right.

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Post #: 41

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 9:10:23 AM

JustaTop

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Yes,but so many thin skinned sorts seem to feel that no one even deserves common courtesy,until they have "earned respect."

So they act like assholes to strangers instead......see what I am getting at here?

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Post #: 42

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 9:41:03 AM

FLButtSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaTop

Yes,but so many thin skinned sorts seem to feel that no one even deserves common courtesy,until they have "earned respect."

So they act like assholes to strangers instead......see what I am getting at here?

Interesting and well taken point. Personally, when I receive a polite email from a stranger who signs their name "master/sir whatever", I will politely respond with "Dear whatever" leaving off the sir. On the other hand when someone sends the "asshole" type of email you describe, I respond exactly how they deserve.

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Post #: 43

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 9:47:54 AM

JustaTop

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I was actually speaking of BOTTOMS when I made the comment about "being assholes to strangers".

Ever wonder just why that is?

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Post #: 44

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 9:50:23 AM

FLButtSlut

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There are assholes on every side of the fence, it can't be avoided. As to the "why" it might be because they have encountered so many telling them what is "true" and "real" that they are simply frustrated with anyone who looks like the might be responding that way in the slightest.

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Post #: 45

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 9:51:43 AM

JustaTop

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And so they throw the baby out with the bathwater?

How like a masochist.

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Post #: 46

RE: respect - 10/6/2005 11:46:04 AM

Noirceurdelame

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To me, I am polite and nice to just about everyone unless they give me reason not to.

Respect is then earned through conversation and interaction.

ETA: This post is actually from AbstractSavant

Silly me. I'm going to get spanked for this.

< Message edited by Noirceurdelame -- 10/6/2005 11:47:23 AM >

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RE: respect - 10/6/2005 11:48:40 AM

AbstractSavant

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Oops.

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Post #: 48

RE: respect - 10/9/2005 1:54:20 PM

CanisMajor

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut
Typically within the vanilla world, respect and courtesy can be very similar, but within the lifestyle "respect" has much stronger meaning tending to be indicative of that "condition of being highly honored".

Baloney. I've been around the block on this, and when a new and/or ignorant dom walks up to a submissive stranger and calls him or her a slut, that sub is prone to immediately accuse the dom of being disrespectful. And they level that charge even though they have no right to expect a total stranger to hold them in a "condition of being highly honored."

(Exhibit A: The original posting in this thread.)

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut
Are "respectful" to the local kid who bags your groceries by being polite and saying "thank you", or are you simply offering him the common courtesy that is due anyone who has not done something offensive?

Obviously, when I thank a grocery bagger I am being respectful to them. In this instance, the respect I've offered has been to acknowledge they exist (a disrespectful person may have ignored them), thanked them for their service (a disrespectful person may have harangued them), and in general interacted with them in a way that is acceptable to and expected by society (a disrespectful person might have suggested they do something obscene with themselves, or in some way they may cause a scene).

Saying 'thank you' is a courteous act, but to even get to the point of saying those words in a genuine way, I have to muster some basic respect for another person. And I think we all understand this.

_____________________________

The Big Dog

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Post #: 49

RE: respect - 10/9/2005 4:37:41 PM

FLButtSlut

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But you obviously think that this "basic" respect of common courtesy is different in the vanilla world.

The "condition of being highly respected" refers to those who think that DOMINANTS are entitled to it simply by their character identification. Should a dom approach a submissive in that way, the "disrespectful" response he may receive is because of his not being deserving of that "basic" respect.

You can attempt to twist and turn it anyway you choose. The bottom line is that people should offer others basic courtesty in their approaches until they prove that they deserve otherwise.

We can argue about etiquette throughout Alaska's long winter, but the bottom line is that just because you are dominant, doesn't mean you deserve respect. You deserve the same courtesy from others that I do as a submissive. If you disagree with that, that is certainly your choice, but you still won't get any respect from me and several others just because you think you deserve it.

The term "respect" takes on a stronger meaning in the lifestyle world for many. That stronger meaning is not equal to "common courtesy". If they were the same, you would call the bag boy "sir".

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Post #: 50

RE: respect - 10/10/2005 12:16:51 PM

PatentLeatherMdm

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thank you scarlettrose! I'm more inclined to answer an email if the individual presents himself like a gentlemen! I've had submissives tell Me that they were "only" checking to see if I was real. In any event, tone and demeanor go a long way in catching My attention and those lacking won't be replied to.

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Post #: 51