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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 2:25:15 PM

pastplayingames

Posts: 50
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If there is a need that is not being met, my suggestion is to flat out tell him..."I need <<this>> ___________." He either steps up to the plate or not. This being in reference to something that truly is a need and not just a want as JustaTop so clearly stated.

In a personal example: I was with a man for over a year whom I dearly loved and still do on a certain level. Ultimately, although I asked him for it, he was unable to give me what I need.....it just wasn't in him. Thus, we were not right for each other. And as much as I miss him (he was my friend), we are both better off for knowing this sooner than later.

I will also say that one's need may be another's want and visa versa. For example: I have a need to be whipped intensely from time to time, at his discretion of course. For me that is a need in my fullfillment and why I seek a Sadist as a partner. For someone else, it may be a want.

~Christine

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 3:15:26 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
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From: Daddy's Lap
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Yes, i agree that writing isn't always a 'game' and that needs vs. wants make a big difference in how you communicate and what the outcome may be. So for arguements sake let's say they are true needs. You've tried many subtle ways and now you're being direct. You follow any and all protocol with respect.

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 4:41:46 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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quote:

quote:

How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?

without anything more specific, this slave thought about her "needs" and the things that Master provides for her.....
If something was wrong with the plumbing and this slave had no water to drink?
call the plumber.
If we ran out of food and the cupboards were bare?
go to the store.
If the house burned down without us in it?
get another one.
If this slave ran out of medicine?
go buy it.
the only other need this slave has is to serve, and Master gives her ample opportunity for that.

pretty much everything else can be considered a want and expendable.

quote:

Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable?
the only sexual need this slave has is to be used by Master for His pleasure, which is completely dependent on HIS desires.

God i love reading what you two write. So very true. Even though your last statement is simple and true, it can also lead to other complexities. "the only sexual need is to be used... on HIS desire" BUT what if he hasnt the desire? Do your hormones just disapear? Do you just go a sexual? OR what if HIS desire is to just sexually frustrate you over and over, do your hormones just go silent when He is done?

i completely understand your last statement. i can feel it. But like i said, i think it leads to other complexities, prolly ones that i am not articulating well.

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Post #: 23

RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 5:07:35 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?
Do you play games like leaving notes or dropping hints? Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable? How aggressive do you pursue it? Do you have some elaborate meeting or do you find it easier to just chat over coffee? over the knee/bench? ;)

I would first do a check in with myself to make sure that these are really needs and not just desires or wants. And I'd also think about what is happening that may be affecting it (which may have been discussed already). Then I'd sit down and have an honest discussion that starts with "I feel.." and doesn't focus on blame but rather feelings and how they could be addressed.

C~

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 10:44:33 PM

lonewolf05

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i HOPE you dont think i am being mean to you...but NEEDS?
welllll???????????????

seems now in MY eyes here? ok. i NEED to eat to live. i NEED shelter from ill weather.
these are actual needs.
most anything else NOT in this direct line is merely a WANT.
and wants are NOT a necessity of life.
you may want your Him to be more aggressive in one thing or another but it is NOT a need. NO female...submissive or not...anywhere should EVER have-to NEED ANY man to make her life complete. if she can feel complete in herself then she has more to offer that special Him that WANTS a WHOLE girl. He dont NEED you...he WANTS.
you dont NEED Him you WANT Him.
BIG HUGE difference between actual need and want. it may indeed be a PERCEIVED need on your part but in reality it is NOT!

am i helping?
or making it worse?
you didnt say if He is havin a bad time right now. you didnt say is He not feelin good right now?
you didnt SAY a LOT of things.

how about...........you just talk to your Him and say yo..wuz up?
you HAVE TO talk...dominants and subs...wives n hubbies...we ALL gotta talk...it out.

please lemme know how you do?

good luck to ya.

the woofer

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Post #: 25

RE: Needs - 10/7/2005 6:39:27 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

BUT what if he hasnt the desire?

thank you for your kind words, and to answer your question:

it's cool; the man has to sleep sometime!!!!

but seriously, NEEDS vs. WANTS is something this slave could author a nice juicy thesis about, especially how confusing the two can lead to all sorts of horrendous problems within oneself and then projected out to the world causing problems for others, especially those closest to us in our most intimate relationships. like the phrase "sexual needs"~ sounds like psychobabble for getting off on a regular basis (with or without orgasm). literally, we as the human race don't even NEED sex to procreate anymore, some of us enjoy the hell out of it whenever we get the chance and some of us do just fine without it, for some it reinforces their illusion of self-worth and for still others it is as a part of a contractual agreement or as fucked up as a NON-consensual act, but a NEED?

Master and his slave talked at length over a considerable period of time about our wants and needs as they pertained to a potential relationship between us, before committing, we both knew full well what we were getting ourselves into. the desire to be used by Master for His pleasure is like the eternal flame, always on, always ready for whenever and whatever the mood strikes Him.

for this slave, it is one of the differences between being Master's slave and being His submissive ~ this slave does not question Master's authority and upon becoming His slave turned over all authority to Him which includes anything of a sexual nature~with whom, at what date and time, location, will there be toys involved or bare hands or just mouth, duration, who gets to cum and if it will be worn or eaten, etc.
therefore, if this slave wasn't getting off at any given moment~or for a period of time~ it wouldn’t be for lack of communication, written or oral, it would be intentionally because Master doing one or more of the following:
A. denying His slave (for punishment or sadistic pleasure) accompanied with appropriate commentary as He sees fit.
B. denying Himself (remnants of a deeply Catholic upbringing?:))
C. attempting to discredit the stereotypical borderline nymphomania of both an Italian man and a red-headed Scorpio, especially together.
D. as this slave mentioned before, getting some much needed sleep!

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RE: Needs - 10/7/2005 2:19:24 PM

SirSix72

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
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without anything more specific, this slave thought about her "needs" and the things that Master provides for her.....
If something was wrong with the plumbing and this slave had no water to drink?
call the plumber.
If we ran out of food and the cupboards were bare?
go to the store.
If the house burned down without us in it?
get another one.
If this slave ran out of medicine?
go buy it.
the only other need this slave has is to serve, and Master gives her ample opportunity for that.

pretty much everything else can be considered a want and expendable.

quote:

Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable?

the only sexual need this slave has is to be used by Master for His pleasure, which is completely dependent on HIS desires.

I have to agree with this anology,,,nice to see that others that actually *live* the lifestyle have their feet firmly planted on what "the real" story is. I grow so bored with these needs that others have and if they arent met well then they can just "walk" with their precious gift of submission. There is a clear defining point as to what are needs and wants,,,,I see wants on this boards all the time,,,,,

Master Six

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Post #: 27

RE: Needs - 10/7/2005 2:26:28 PM

JustaTop

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
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That's been my observation too-subs seem to insist on a lot of "wants", and tend to walk away if they don't get what they "want." The more evolved slaves seem to have a bit more practical viewpoint, that consists of knowing they will have to make some "sacrifices for the common good."

I think the main issue is when one can see that they have something of value-that transcends the hedononistic aspects.(like orgasms on demand,and being played with whenever they "want" it

) At which point the sacrifice no longer is,it's just what you do to try and make someone you care about happy-because it feeds back to the same for you.

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RE: Needs - 10/7/2005 2:31:31 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

i HOPE you dont think i am being mean to you...but NEEDS?
welllll???????????????

seems now in MY eyes here? ok. i NEED to eat to live. i NEED shelter from ill weather.
these are actual needs.
most anything else NOT in this direct line is merely a WANT.
and wants are NOT a necessity of life.

I agree with this one completely.
Only once in my life I said "I need" - I actually said "I need to get out of this marriage or I will kill someone", and so I divorced. I say a lot "I dont need - new jacket/dishwasher/to watch TV", but "I do need" never. It is too strong word in my opinion and completely misused these days.

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RE: Needs - 10/10/2005 9:51:13 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
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All of the above might work; it depends on your situation. I would suggest that you NOT play games. Communication is the key no matter how you achieve it.

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RE: Needs - 10/10/2005 10:03:26 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Ok NEEDS ~ My needs, the needs of a Gorean Master…….If I was different I might just use this:

“Oh wallflower, thou most precious of my precious flowers, I am in great need of thy ruby lips, thy succulent orifice and wet strong tongue.. Come hither my pet and unzipper me and apply thy most beauteous skills to fill my need….”

Or I could simply impart my need thus:

“Slut, kneel to my cock and don’t stop sucking till I tell you to!….”

Your choice… Both will work (for some one).

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Post #: 31

RE: Needs - 10/11/2005 2:33:03 AM

Wolfie648

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Needs:

Oxygen, food & water, shelter, clothing. Depending on location for some of these.

Wants:

Pretty much anything.

Which way do you want to draw the pyramid up or down? Abraham Maslow's hierarchy.

D (owner of j)

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Post #: 32

RE: Needs - 10/11/2005 8:27:30 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
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Needs??

Wants??

How about summing it up by saying, I NEED to have my WANTS met.
Some would say that we don't have sexual NEEDS, that they would be WANTS.
And technically that is correct...i most likely would not die if my sexual WANTS were not met....but i guarantee this, it would not be a pretty picture.

In answer to the original question...i would approach Master with my desire to converse with him. At such time that we sit down to converse i would let Master know how i felt...and why. It is my responsibility to communicate any feelings such as these to Master. Master will then decide if anything changes moving forward.

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Post #: 33