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RE: "Real Doms" - 10/6/2005 1:37:52 PM

Kasia

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From: The Coast of Adria
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

Please allow Me to add further to the confusion by asking what in the wide, wide world of sports is a topas??? I thought she had done a typo on that word.....

Actually, we both have done typos

........ but since English is not mother language to her nor to me, its no wonder.
Topas is of course topaz, it is just spelled differently in other languages.

< Message edited by Kasia -- 10/6/2005 1:41:23 PM >

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to RainGod)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/6/2005 1:39:16 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

I am having such hard time tonight with typos and all other mistakes

< Message edited by Kasia -- 10/6/2005 1:40:34 PM >

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I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/6/2005 1:56:50 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
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As an owner, I think what sets me apart from a non-owner is my willingness to take control of my girl and use her as my property. It's my experience that some simply don't possess such a willingness.
As to the rest of your post, I think folks tend to substitute the phrase "real dominant" for "a dominant possessing characteristics I find attractive".
I've seen some self-labeled slaves that require a monogamous relationship with someone who will not push them beyond their level of comfort and others who require someone who will totally ignore the submissive's comfort level. Different strokes for different folks is what it amounts too.
Those who voice proclamations of what is or is not "real" are expressing the boundaries of their personal tolerances, which is something most of us do in many ways in our lives, however subtly.
Timothy

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/22/2005 7:14:23 PM

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Joined: 7/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HentaiGamerKitty

Well I'm a sub, but I totally disagree with you. I think a real dom is all about meeting the needs of the submissive. However, its critically important that he maintain an illusion that its all for HIS pleasure. That's not to say that it isn't TRULY for his pleasure sometimes..just that I feel a Master (in a full time M/s relationship) should always be conscientious of the needs of his slave. He has a huge responsibility to her. I think a selfish man would make a poor dom indeed.

I have to say little one how correct that a Dom must maintain this illusion and that you are the one in control in the end....although I can say with satisfaction I dont have to be concerned with your wants or desires if they are eventful to me....im not a Dom......I dont play or scene........but however you have said the point I have tried to get across to others and they have flamed me for it.....laughs.......I suppose that noone wanted me to break the news to the masses........

Master Six

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I wish you well

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/23/2005 5:55:35 AM

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within the D/s dynamic, one meets the needs of the others.
the sub wishes to please, the Dom wants you to be peasing (meet his needs).
yes he is responsible for the health (physical./mental), safety and well being of his submissive but she in turn (IMO) needs to be strong emotionally,and able to stand on her own 2 feet.

i dont think there are too many Doms/Masters out there that seek out a doormat.

when i was sitting on the other side of the fence, i wished for character and strength in my subs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: reanna

Hi,

I'm sorta jumping out of order here, since I've yet to post an introductin, which I'll do shortly, but this is what's really on my mind...

I've been reading through th posts for a few days now and at some point someone usually uses the term "real dom". Like, "Oh a real dom would never do that" or "A real dom would insist on a safe word" and a "real dom would never want to cause you emotional distress"..things like that.

I admit that I am of the romantic sort and on one level the idea of someone placing my needs, safety, and desires above all else is well, cool :) But then if I wanted that I'd be a dom...wouldn't I?

It seems like if he has any human failings or just a bad day he's labeled not real.

I think a real dom is selfish and cares way more about what pleases him then me. That's one of the things that attracts me. That I've been told is setting myself up to be abused. I feel like if I use the criteria for a dom that is mostly out there...well I better search the submissives sites for him.

So I'm asking the Masters, putting aside the ability to physically rule over someone in a scene...what are the character traits that you believe set you apart. Are you really the romantic selfless heros that I've been told you are...if you're a "real dom" ofcourse.

Nice to be here, and thanks for reading all this..
Reanna

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/23/2005 5:58:38 AM

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ah yes we seem to see them abound on these sites.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

reanna,

Granted, there truly are some who are clearly not "real", but rather seem to be here facilitate their predatory desires, but it quickly becomes obvious what their true intentions are.

As for the question in your post, In My own opinion, the best, and most gallant qualities a Dom can portray lie in the art of even mixtures. Strictness with understanding. Discipline with compassion. Leadership with open eyes...as well as open mind.

It would be wrong to leave out some other important qualities such as affection, romance, and human understanding of the emotions involved. I, as a Dom, must endevour to always be a Provider. It is My responsibility to care for those who have entrusted themselves to Me. Another important job is as Protector. I must ensure her safety and wellbeing, never exposing her to things which could be detramental or damaging. Lastly, I believe I should be a fair judge over both her, and over Myself... never living by double standards, or by hypocracy.

Hope My opinions help out, but always remember, that just because someone else sees it differently than I does not mean they are "not real". Just different.

their goes those romantic notions again,lol,

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 10/23/2005 6:00:01 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to RainGod)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/23/2005 6:35:21 AM

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my feelings exactly...its real if the two people engaged in the "relationship" feel its real . bottom line is don't let others define what is good for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

The only thing this is "real" is the connection between the people involved. To try to define any of the participants as real or unreal has about as much meaning as trying to define them as good or bad.

Taggard

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/23/2005 11:30:49 AM

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Joined: 10/11/2005
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quote:

I find it disturbing that people are judged as to their validity according to how well they fit another person's needs or desires. I wish it were more popular to say " a Good Dom for me would be..." or "a good submissive for Me would be....". Just because someone does not fit one's needs is no reason to besmudge their image and character.

I would agree with this statement. Where in the Dom/sub owners manual does it define what a "Dom" is, listing each and every attribute that if lacking, would disqualify one from being a Dominant, or a submissive for that matter. For some, I would seem to be not Dominant enough, where for others, my particular style of Domination may appear selfish and overbearing.

(in reply to JustaTop)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/23/2005 9:24:52 PM

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Taggard, i love the quote...who gets the credit for it...i'd love to use it now and again...

The quote is helping to settle my mind about a recent comment made by dear Dr. Ruth, she suggested in a recent post to iVillage (where she has an advice column) that bisexuality does not really exist except for as a phase toward something else...instead of being insulted, i think i'll just consider her one of the ill-informed, as i (and my sexual orientation) certainly do exist.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/24/2005 2:45:13 AM

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If we are going t split hairs then strictly speaking the only type of sex or relationship that a real dom, or a real sub, will even touch is a dom/sub. When you stop and think about how many doms and subs still enjoy the regular vanillia sex when they arent scening well. It would mean that most of us probably arent the real thing.
I've always regarded the whole dom sub thing as just personality traits of varying degrees more than full time lifestyles.

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/24/2005 3:50:11 AM

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"Definition: alternative lifestyle noun [C usually singular] a way of living that is unusual, especially when you choose not to have the type of home and job that is considered normal in modern society" If i wanted to adhere to a bunch of contrived rules i would have stayed in the vanilla world. A Real Dom dominates. If He's good at it, His sub won't leave. Nobody else has to approve their rules of engagement, everyone's different. Altho i loved what RainGod had to say, Sir.

(in reply to ppaddleman)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/24/2005 6:44:08 AM

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Joined: 10/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: reanna

I think a real dom is selfish and cares way more about what pleases him then me.

Yes, and a real man never eats quiche. :)

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/25/2005 12:28:33 PM

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REAl DOM..I see this every where,IS it the way of a sub saying i am seeking a man with honor, some one that says what he means and means what he says?A man that is seeking more that a jump in the hay?A man that can take me where i need to be,a man that will love and protect me?...IF this IS WHAT YOU MEAN THEN THE TERM REAL APPLYS...OF COURSE THIS is just this ol MASTER opinion...BOUNTY

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/25/2005 1:46:33 PM

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I think the term "Real Dom" is way too subjective to ever get any significant percentage of people to agree. It always appears to me that the term is just everyones perferred image of a Dom.

Part of the biggest problem even discussing this issue is that the terms "not a real dom" or "fake dom" are terms people use as a smear against people that they have issues or dissagreements with. Much like in the vanilla world the terms "asshole" and "bitch" are used.

I see this use of the term for this purpose is the most prevalent.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/27/2005 12:32:47 AM

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Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
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i feel that consistancy is a very important trait. a dominant should strive for this. this means that partners etc. always know where they are.

yes life and relationships can contain surprises, treats etc. however, i mean consistancy in temprement. consistancy in goals.

one should also always be oneself. if one adopts a role, it becomes harder and harder to maintain. until, in the end the relationship can collapse because the dominant has finally found it too hard work to continue a role/pretense.

also, a skill in communication is an excellent ability to have. those that find it difficult should work at it. without communcation, there is very little left.

Mike

_____________________________

Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow.

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/27/2005 2:00:36 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: reanna
So I'm asking the Masters, putting aside the ability to physically rule over someone in a scene...what are the character traits that you believe set you apart.

I think dominance is a traith that isn't unique to our community obviously. I often describe dominance as simply "the ability to compell or inspire compliance".

quote:

ORIGINAL: reanna
Are you really the romantic selfless heros that I've been told you are...if you're a "real dom" ofcourse.

Those people I know who are dominant and who I internally consider "Masters" share this trait - they will sacrafice their relationship with a submissive rather than compromise their standards or their goals.

(in reply to reanna)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/27/2005 9:26:59 PM

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a real dom demands unblinding acceptance, obedience, honesty, giving, and honour. he deserves that and more.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to Soulhuntre)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/29/2005 2:15:55 AM

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Real Doms ... True Masters ... ?

I have heard, seen and read so much about this along the years, it is a recurring debate.

A foreword: English is not my birth language, so bear with me.

I have been attracted to this lifestyle since my early teens. At the time and in the environment I was living in (Europe, the 70's), this was something heavily frowned upon. Talking openly about this with my family or most of my friends was simply ... not an option.

However, I had the chance to find in my godfather, someone that would not only understand, but also become something like my mentor in the lifestyle.

You don't wake up one day and decide you are a dom, or a sub for that matters. We all know it is always a rather long process that implies a little more than getting "Dominance for DUmmies" and "Dungeon 101" from the nearest bookstore.

In this aspect, every experience is unique and I can only speak for myself.

My mentor at the time, made me quickly understand that the journey I was about to embark on, while ultimately rewarding, was going to take me on a narrow and difficult path. That if I truly wanted to know what was inside my soul, I had to start ... from the bottom up.

I had the opportunity at the time to come to the U.S for my college years. While I was sutdying in Berkeley, I came in contact with the local "scene" and one day, with still his words in my mind, I made the decision to become ... a slave.

To make a long story short, it lasted about 2 years where I discovered and experienced first hand what is it to be on the sub side. This made me truly understand who I was, what my needs were, how I was going to be able to fulfill them, and be the foundations for the rules and the values I have lived by since.

First of all, as the common expression "Power Exchange" implies, a D/S relationship is anything but a one way street. You will fill your needs from what you will take from your sub, whatever that could be, and by doing that you will provide her with what she needs. This is all about balance. Being a 'Master" here, is how skilled you become to ensure that this balance is always respected. The day you are trying to take something from your sub that she is not *willing* to give, will be the last of your relationship. Your Master's skills here are all about being able to see what she really needs, and make her aware of her own needs. Some people refer to this as "expanding your limits".

Yes, I am more on the sadistic side. This is my life and I am not ashamed of it. But one thing to keep in mind here, is that whatever I do, I remember how that feels ... and this doesn't make me an asshole or give me the right to act like one.

Compassion is one of the few things that makes us human beeings.

What makes you a "Master" or a "Sub" is truly inside you and does take a little more than choosing a cute login name in a chat group, or being able to write "On your knees, bitch" without mispelling any of the words ... :)

If you are so insecure about yourself that you feel like you have to make a "prospective sub" write on her profile something like "Master BlahBlah doesn't want any Dom's to contact me" ... well, I would think twice about submitting to you :)

Anyways, everyone has his or her own style, bottom line is how true you are with yourself.

(in reply to girl4you2)

RE: "Real Doms" - 10/29/2005 5:18:02 AM

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I enjoy Your Posts, always short-to the point and most importantly basic common sence.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to JustaTop)

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