RE: Where do we fit?

RE: Where do we fit? (Full Version)

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harleygirl72 -> RE: Where do we fit? (10/25/2005 9:33:43 AM)
quote: I have little to nothing in common with female submissive, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so! When i began to research the lifestyle and wondered at being a sub I cam across this also. Most subs that i had talked to were nothing like me. I had been a Domme and well i like control, but I also like being controlled by a strong Dom. I have had Doms tell me that I wasn’t a sub because I could hold my ground and like to give as good as I get. Another way of saying I can be a smarta— and a bit aggressive. I have also had female subs relate this to me. But for every Dom or Sub that I have talked to say I am one thing, I have had others accept me for my dual roles. I have also met some very strong women that are Subs and that are more like me than I thought possible. That more than anything allowed me to explore the side of me that needs domination. There are people out there that will accept you for who and what you are. Those that can’t, well that is their problem and not yours at all. Those that are "intimidated" by us and other strong women or men are usually not secure in their own roles.

chgodomcouple -> RE: Where do we fit? (10/28/2005 7:32:41 PM)
well, I know exactly what you feel. My whole entire life i was very dominant. All my past relationships i was in total control.... even in the vanilla world I tend to take control in every situation. Then i met Thomas. Him being 35 has much more experience and windom than i do. and being a dominant man we struggled on setting ground rules in our relationship. However, with him i found out who I trully am; I didnt mind giving him what he asked for, i liked getting spanked at times even though i dont like pain (only to inflict pain), and then he told me once " you know you have alot of traits of a sub." I angrily said no, that there was no way... till i hit reality and realized that i was a switch.... i grew confortable with the idea of him in power, taking control of me... and i love pleasing him in many ways. But with females im 100% Dom, speak in commands, take control..... I was confused for a long time... but as time pass by and Thomas teaches me more and more.. i find my self happy and with a clear mind. So, point being.... search deeper for who you are.... A.S.

chgodomcouple -> RE: Where do we fit? (10/28/2005 7:40:42 PM)
quote: Well, we had a dungeon party last night to break in the brand new dungeon that I, and a few close friends, worked our butts off to build. Only 8 people showed up. We usually have 20-30 people hanging out in the dungeon when we have a party. A dozen people who told me they'd be here cancelled out at the last minute, and a whole lot of people just didn't bother to RSVP at all. No biggie. Five years ago, when Master and I had our very first dungeon party, only 4 people showed up of the 50 or so who had been invited, and only stayed a couple hours. I was devastated, and spent a great deal of the following day in tears. But last night I really did not care that it wasn't a huge bash. It was quiet, intimate, and very non-threatening to the one newbie submissive who came alone. Had it been bigger, she may been intimidated. Had it been bigger, it probably would not have been as relaxed as it was, and the people who DID come had a really good time. Anyway... everyone's comments here, especially K's and ShadeDiva's, have helped me tremendously. It's just nice to know that someone else out there feels as I do, and understands what it means to feel like you're on the outside looking in... even in a group you started. I think people are simply unsettled by someone whom they cannot pigeonhole, and they don't know how to relate to them, so they don't even bother trying.[/color] Talking about Dungeons.... my friend got married so a week before we trew him and his wife a huge party about 200 people .. open bar, 3 floors, live band, and teh whole 10yards.. and the dungeon fully equiped... which me and this dom Tina decided to take over..... Thomas watched since he knows that i need to have my dom fun some way, how i cant apply it to him...... so being a switch with an understandable Master can have its advantages A.S.

Wrenaleth -> RE: Where do we fit? (10/28/2005 8:56:50 PM)
I'm new to this site. So hello. I can't say that I feel the need to fit in... But it is difficult finding what I want in a partner sometimes. Other switches are the only ones that have a chance of lasting very long. I would never be satisfied in one role continuosly.

Zoycite -> RE: Where do we fit? (10/30/2005 9:31:01 PM)
I also have a hard time finding my place, but I suppose that's being human. I'm very dominate... have a dominating personality. You can see it just being my friend. I've had more pets then Masters... So I suppose I am a switch, being a top more often then not. My pets/slaves... were loved but they did everything for me, and listened to my every word. They were punished when needed, and rewarded when felt fit. I've been submissive in bed with a few lovers. If I feel emotions for them, I was dominating by personality, but a kitten in bed. I've been collared once before in my life. He was everything to me. I wonder if it is strange for other switches, to not just be submissive/dominant... because I tend to either be a slave/Mistress. How do I handle it? I generally tend to just ask for respect and respect those around me. If they can't accept me for being a switch... I at least expect them to accept me as a human being.

Inhershoes -> RE: Where do we fit? (11/29/2005 12:19:05 PM)
I agree with you Harley.....Subs like this are just more challenging for the Dom and this makes the Top work harder to show their talent ... Sounds like you had either a lazy Dom or one whom lacked creativity! Good Luck on your quest!

MistressAlexaS -> RE: Where do we fit? (1/13/2006 7:18:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Dominants... especially male dominants... either don't accept me as a dominant or they are intimidated by me. I have little to nothing in common with female submissives, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so! Does anyone else find themselves "on the outside," for lack of a better term? How do you handle it? I know exactly where you are coming from, I get the same feeling from time to time. Im a dominate and opinionated woman who's not afraid to use her voice. Lots of peeps, particulary some Dom males dont like that. To freaking bad I say, I am who I am and I'm not going to change for anyone. People can either like me, dislike me or be indifferent it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are happy with yourself and what you are doing. Switches in my mind are the most well rounded, fun loving of individuals and we get to experience new worlds that those stuck into one role never get to see. The BDSM community is supposed to be open minded, sometimes that just isnt so. Don't let it bother you, if these people want to be close minded and stuck in the dark then let them, you go on out and live in the sunshine, loving yourself and living life. ~Alexa

shiminess -> RE: Where do we fit? (1/28/2006 10:54:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce Dominants... especially male dominants... either don't accept me as a dominant or they are intimidated by me. I have little to nothing in common with female submissives, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so! Does anyone else find themselves "on the outside," for lack of a better term? How do you handle it? I know exactly where you are coming from, I get the same feeling from time to time. Im a dominate and opinionated woman who's not afraid to use her voice. Lots of peeps, particulary some Dom males dont like that. To freaking bad I say, I am who I am and I'm not going to change for anyone. People can either like me, dislike me or be indifferent it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are happy with yourself and what you are doing. Switches in my mind are the most well rounded, fun loving of individuals and we get to experience new worlds that those stuck into one role never get to see. The BDSM community is supposed to be open minded, sometimes that just isnt so. Don't let it bother you, if these people want to be close minded and stuck in the dark then let them, you go on out and live in the sunshine, loving yourself and living life. ~Alexa You have just stated everything that I think about myself, the world and this lifestyle. Awesomeness.

theRose4U -> RE: Where do we fit? (1/28/2006 11:58:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: americanpie quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U I have been told by more than my share of Doms that I should just say I'm a Domme because "I don't have a sub bone in my body". I have heard that quite a few times since putting up a profile on collarme. It's hilarious the amount of people who think a switch just "hasn't met the right dominant". Good grief. [sm=rolleyes.gif] LMAO Well I can blow that theory out of the water. I met the right Dom it just didn't last and they aren't man enough to replace those feelings [;)]

Dollbecky -> RE: Where do we fit? (1/29/2006 3:24:37 PM)
When I was younger and new to the scene I was referred to "just a switch bitch" by some older Dom guys..... That and the "Oh you just require a strong male Dom" or "a collar will calm you down" style comments coloured my view of the scene for years. I never felt the sense of community; for me it was just a feeding frenzy in a shark pool .... Then I visited Threshold in L.A [:D] They were so supportive and friendly and both sides of me was respected and honoured and encouraged that kindness has given me so much strength. I loved that sense of community the way I felt included, so when I came home I dived into the scene in my country and strive to recreate that kind of switch friendly enviroment.. I will have it here not only for me but for others not lucky enough to travel and now when people give me grief...I can say with cheeky pride "I am a bi poly switch and I still wont play with you :P

nokkers -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/1/2006 10:32:52 PM)
i live in a very large/active community and i find that your observances are spot on. i feel very much the same...including the intimidation factors, as well as a concerted lack of respect because i'm not "defined" at one end of the spectrum or the other. why? haven't a clue...one of the many reasons i stay outside the community. i accept me for who i am...i suppose i'm really the only one that has to. i agree...it is hurtful at times, tho. cheers julie

PenelopePitstop -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 5:57:36 AM)
bah, so many labels, so many abbreviations... I mark myself as sub, and I have a lot of fantasies about domming women but they are very particular and specific kinds of women, so I don't think I belong in the switch category - I'd rather have a Dominant bloke. These labels do my head in, they are useful for describing patterns of behaviour but not much good for describing individuals...

Slipstreme -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 10:08:22 AM)
quote: Well, we had a dungeon party last night to break in the brand new dungeon that I, and a few close friends, worked our butts off to build. First off I must say Kick Ass! I would love to have a dungeon of my own, but am not in the right place to do so at the momment. I know what you mean. Being new to the scene, I have yet to find this in the BDSM community (aside from the hard core Goreans who seem to think everything is black and white). However, I have always been an outcast. Ever since I was in elementary school. Sure it used to hurt, but I got used to it. I used to see myself walking down an empty road in life, alone. Now I see myself blazing my own trail in life. It no longer matters if I fit in or not. If someone can't deal with who I am, their problem, not mine. Unfortunately, most people have preconcieved notions of who and what you are supposed to be when they belong to one side of the fence. We tiptoe along the fence, belong to two realities. Something most people aren't comfortable with in the: you either are or you aren't mindset. Me, I've got it in all walks of life: genderqueer, furry and therian, bisexual, sadomasochist, Dom but accepting of the possibility I may find someone who brings out the sub I never want to be. As my tagline states: Living the Dichotomy. To quote: I'm here. I'm queer. Deal with it. [:D]

LaMalinche -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 10:49:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Slipstreme It no longer matters if I fit in or not. If someone can't deal with who I am, their problem, not mine. Woot woot woot to that Slipstream!!!! Darn tootin' If you try to please everyone and their perception of you, you will end up pleasing no one, especially yourself. BTW gotta ask, what is the appropriate pronoun for you? I do not ask to be rude, I ask so that I know I am using that which you prefer. Thanks. Best, LaMalinche

Slipstreme -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 12:14:36 PM)
quote: BTW gotta ask, what is the appropriate pronoun for you? I do not ask to be rude, I ask so that I know I am using that which you prefer. Thanks. I honestly don't know that one. I tend to avoid using gender at all. However, as a Dom I prefer the title Master and Sir in play, possibly on a semi permanent basis if skunk and I choose a D/s path. Ive only been referred to as puppy and kitty on the receiving. Although, this is, of course, based on whether you are a partner of mine. I would never expect this outside of play and personal D/s. I am currently on a quest to become more masculinized, powerful and intimidating and will be changing my wardrobe over the course of the next few months, as well as systematically changing my body through exercise. Too bad though that I lack the testocerone to make the changes easier. Muscle-wise that hormone works wonders.

LaMalinche -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 12:27:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Slipstreme I honestly don't know that one. I tend to avoid using gender at all. Is this because you see gender as a socially created contruct? Reification of gender if you will? Oh, and you can tell me to stop being nosey at anytime. This is not meant to be an attempt to be too invasive. Have a great day, and thank you for the answer. BTW - I have too much testosterone - want some of mine? Best, LaMalinche

Slipstreme -> RE: Where do we fit? (2/23/2006 7:56:11 PM)
quote: Is this because you see gender as a socially created contruct? Reification of gender if you will? Part of it has to do with that. However, most of it has to do with the fact I am not female. Biologically yes. Mentally I'm more male than female, but I don't think I could go full out transexual. So I walk between male and female. My friend had it right when he mentioned I am both genders and neither gender at the same time. Another one mentioned that I seem to be a male who is at least somewhat comfortable in a female body. So I honestly don't know what gender I am, besides what I lack between my legs. Most people (especially the Goreans) would point and say See? Female! However, what you are is so much deeper than biology. If you would like, you may email me, through Collarme, that way we can avoid taking over this thread. And yes I would love some of your testocerone. Want my oestrogens?

Level -> RE: Where do we fit? (3/3/2006 4:09:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva I rather like the fact that I don't fit in. And I don't. Not even in the Mecca of Perverts where switches are indeed pretty much accepted and greeted with warmth, good ol Bay area of Calif., do I fit in. And you know, I most likely never WILL "fit in". It used to bother me. A lot. And it hurt too. I cried enough lost and forlorn tears to fill an ocean or three. wry smile But in the end, if acceptance and fitting in is always a struggle, and if you ever have the same realization that I did where one day it became clear that I was NEVER going to fit in, and have that one-of-the-flock jive, if one day you just know deep inside it will NEVER come from without, then you are left with two choices. Either forever yearn and mourn that something that can and never will be is not going to happen. Or find what you seek from within. It's hard. It can be lonely and sad and aching and so so still at times. It can be immensely freeing and enpowering and powerful and breathtaking and beautiful too. Some of us just never will fit in. It's not because we are a switch, or not. Some of us just aren't going to ever fit in as easily as it seems that is for most folks. So if one day you realize wow, I really AM never going to find that elusive fitting in -- don't despair. You aren't the only one or the first to travel down that path anymore than I was, and it doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing, just a different thing. Own it, make it yours, enpower that and it will surprise you at how positive it can be to be the one that never really quite "fits in". smile These days I actually kinda wallow in my "non-fitting in-ness". LOL! Beautifully said.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Where do we fit? (3/3/2006 4:39:59 PM)
Technically, I don't identify as a switch...but that's another story. For some reason I wandered in here, and saw this thread... I have often felt this way during life...being left out and unwelcomed (and just flat out different). Along my journey, I realized that this was MY problem, not their's. It was my own lack of self-esteem and self worth. I had to ask myself, why did I need their acceptance and approval? The answer? I don't. I need my own. I now have my own. And, yes, I'm still different. It's cool. Fire

Level -> RE: Where do we fit? (3/3/2006 5:04:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Inhershoes I agree with you Harley.....Subs like this are just more challenging for the Dom and this makes the Top work harder to show their talent ... Sounds like you had either a lazy Dom or one whom lacked creativity! Good Luck on your quest! It isn't always a matter of being lazy or uncreative......some dominants just don't care for bratty behaviour.

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