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Uber-submissive - 4/13/2008 10:31:43 PM

tebe12345

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Sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm a switch is that I'm so submissive that if someone wants someone who is dominant, I'm willing to push myself to be dominant for them. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I'm learning a lot, but I've had to push myself really hard to be dominant and get over a lot of insecurities and it just seems a little odd. Then again, the fact that it worked means I'm sure it was in me all along.

This isn't actually an issue, I love playing in all kinds of ways, I just thought I'd see if anyone had interesting thoughts to give on the matter.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/13/2008 10:58:27 PM

FunAndPains

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I started as a Dom, but early on (ie in my first bdsm relationship) learned I had "switchy" tendancies. It started as a desire to experience what she was experiencing. I wanted to see what it felt like to be completely helpless and tasting a bit of pain. I found that I actually liked the rush that accompanied the total loss of control and physical sensations (spanking, flogging, wax play were among the first sub activities I experienced). From that day on, I wasn't content to just let the subs "have all the fun".

I guess I did have trust issues to overcome. Even though I was fascinated with all things bdsm, I have to suspect part of the reason I identified myself as a Dom was that I was intimidated by the prospect losing control of the situation. It took a while to get comfortable enough to enjoy it to the extent I do today.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/14/2008 1:12:04 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Lots of Dominants can have use for a service Top. You get to be both, without feeling like you're not being yourself.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/14/2008 5:04:05 AM

tebe12345

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Thank you both for your answers, they were interesting to think about. That's an idea I'll have to research, MasterFire, since I'm till pretty new. It definitely sounds like something I should look into (or possibly that I am, due to the lack of confidence).

To clarify a bit; my current boyfriend is the one who made me realize I was into this kind of play, and led me through understanding the different parts of it (and to this website). It isn't that I don't like Switching, because I think it's a lot of fun and I love both roles. I'm 90% sure that I am a true switch. I'm just wondering what people thought of the possibility of being so sub that you teach yourself to be a Dom/me to please your partner. Because I've been with him the whole way, and while discovering myself and what I liked, it seemed...possible. As I said, I'm having a wonderful time, it's really just to see what people thought bcause I'm intrigued by the idea.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/14/2008 5:16:50 AM

RCdc

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I am submissive to Darcy. I am not considered a switch nor do I. I do top. I top however under Darcy's control and because it is a service I provide for him.

It's not strange nor new and is totally possible. But I am unsure if you are meaning the desire is yours or what you do for another. If it is your partner who is wanting you to top and your comfortable, that does not make you less submissive to him.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/14/2008 8:01:08 PM

tebe12345

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I think one of the issues with posting this is that I'm not actually uncomfortable with the situation at all, so I'm sorry that it sounded that way. I'm really just curious as to what people thought about it-- it's not even that I don't like doing it, it just seems I'm pushing myself harder to be more dominant when we play that way to please him, which makes me feel sometimes even in the moment as if what I'm really doing is just being completely submissive.

I guess it's kind of a silly post :P Thank you all for your responses though, and please feel free to keep giving them. I really like hearing what people have to say.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/23/2008 7:42:48 PM

Celeres

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Well, I have to say that it is actually "possible" to be so submissive, that you are performing dominant needs to satisfy your partner.

The only real issue that I see is your problem defining events.

It's not a bad thing, but from what I've gathered from this post, you are asked to perform certain acts upon your boyfriend, by your boyfriend correct? If that's the case, I wouldn't say you are developing a "Dominant" tendency. The defining moment, I think, is when you personally, (independent from anyone) start having fantasies and take the reins of the relationship and force him to do things that he did not bluntly "ask" for. He may have "switchy" tendencies (switching between top and bottom), but from what you've mentioned, I'd say you're still "subbing."

I'm not sure if you are familiar with the term, but he is merely "topping from the bottom" and yes, that is still "topping."

He's directing the "scene" and asking/telling/ordering you to do things to him that might not necessarilly seem "socially" "dominant." However, if we all followed the "social" guidelines, we would all be outcasted since BDSM is not necessarily "mainstream" socially accepted... YET.

(disclaimer--the following example may not be for everyone)
For instance, from experience, some Dommes may even ask to be fisted. Personally, I don't think this act is very "submissive" but it increased her pleasure to the point of orgasm fairly quickly. For in the end, why is there "sex" between Dominants and Submissives? --for pleasure. Certain actions may not seem "Dominant" in the eyes of many, but if you are helping him reach orgasm/pleasure, regardless what the action is, he's still in charge, and you're helping him get there.

Anyway, that's my two cents...

--Celeres

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/23/2008 8:26:32 PM

impossiblesub

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Possibly, but then again you may just be sensing that there are people you can dominate. We all do this naturally in our interpersonal relationships.
A lot of people do similar things due to submission. Take a look at people in the workforce. They are submissive when they initially start working but give them a promotion and they suddenly become dominant to all of the people under them. Just like flicking a switch.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/23/2008 8:38:47 PM >

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/23/2008 8:40:09 PM

Celeres

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quote:

ORIGINAL: impossiblesub

Possibly, but then again you may just be sensing that there are people you can dominate. We all do this naturally in our interpersonal relationships.
A lot of people do similar things due to submission. Take a look at people in the workforce. They are submissive when they initially start working but give them a promotion and they suddenly become dominant to all of the people under them. Just like flicking a switch.

True... especially after a little job training.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/28/2008 5:57:03 PM

tebe12345

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That's very interesting. Thank you all for your wonderful posts...I guess at this point I kind of need more time to figure out how I feel about it, and whether I can come up with scenes on my own. I sort of can now, but I need a lot of prodding, so it seems to be in the middle between topping and being a new part-time Domme...or something. Haha, I guess I'm mostly just confused :P Thank you all again so much for the input, though, it really helped me figure some things out and gave me a lot to think about.

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RE: Uber-submissive - 4/29/2008 7:01:48 AM

HeavansKeeper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tebe12345

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm a switch is that I'm so submissive that if someone wants someone who is dominant, I'm willing to push myself to be dominant for them. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I'm learning a lot, but I've had to push myself really hard to be dominant and get over a lot of insecurities and it just seems a little odd. Then again, the fact that it worked means I'm sure it was in me all along.

This isn't actually an issue, I love playing in all kinds of ways, I just thought I'd see if anyone had interesting thoughts to give on the matter.

My Pet and I recently added a third. This new girly is also submissive, but usually dominant over My Pet and submissive to me. When they play alone, My Pet will occasionally dominate the new girly for the new girly's enjoyment. There's nothing wrong, at all, but I think you knew that. I just wanted to say your situation's not unique, and that it can work beautifully.

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