RE: Opinions on relationships and jealousy needed

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RE: Opinions on relationships and jealousy needed - 4/15/2008 6:49:45 AM

AtlantaMistress

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Joined: 6/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: midgetmafiosa
it's important for me to have everything out in the open; no secrets or lies of omission.

I think, although I used myself as an example of an extreme in this debate with friends spurred by the man who had a friendship he was keeping a secret - that this was the point. A lie of omission can be as hurtful as a secret and very much hurt the trust of the relationship. My advice to him was if nothing else to tell his girlfriend/Mistress - because if she finds out another way (you know how we women can be sneaky when there is a gut feeling of something just not right - looking at phone calls, texts, emails, etc) then he may risk losing or at least damaging the relationship he says is the one he wants for a lifetime. Again...I just can't say it enough Communication + Trust =a GOOD RELATIONSHIP

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RE: Opinions on relationships and jealousy needed - 4/15/2008 8:53:55 AM

ElanSubdued

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Mistress Sandy,

Please accept my apologies for misunderstanding your post. At various places in the OP, you talk about yourself and in others you talked about your friend. At a certain point I thought your "friend" was simply a euphemism for you and your boy. :-) I now understand the you literally mean a friend. Thanks for your reply and clarification. I'm glad you and your boy communicate as you do. I believe you're quite correct... trust and communication are very important aspects of a healthy, functioning relationship, and if I may add, so are honesty, empathy, compassion, and compromise. As to the reply I made, this feedback might be helpful to your friend. Just a thought.

Sidenote: There were a few typos in my reply which I intended to fix. Collar Me, bless it's little, topping-from-the-bottom heart, wouldn't let me. Typos as follows:

rationale = rational

Two sentences in a row starting "It's probably...". This is something I would have changed to remove the repetition.

Thanks again for your reply,

Elan.

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RE: Opinions on relationships and jealousy needed - 4/28/2008 7:32:23 PM

AtlantaMistress

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Just a follow up - the man finally told his Mistress/girlfriend. Needless to say she wasn't happy that he had kept it from her, but in the end, understood why and was pleased that he had been honest. The ex-vanilla girlfriend friend was also told that he was in a relationship - and the funny thing was SHE did have alterior motives towards him and was more upset that he hadn't told her about his new relationship (although he didn't reveal the D/s side). I know he dealt with some drama on both ends...but as far as I am concerned, and told him so - he brought it on himself by not being open and trying to avoid it - and it could have been far worse if the truth had been discovered without him being honest! Thanks to all for your opinions. I know I used my own life as an example - both in giving him advice, and asking the opinions of those in this forum. As always, many of you supportive and made me see things more clearly in my own life. I do like to have justification for certain positions I take, try not to be hypocritical - and it is nice to ocassionally get a reality check as well!

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RE: Opinions on relationships and jealousy needed - 4/28/2008 8:29:48 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
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quote:

It has gotten a little sticky when they cross the line from vanilla to BDSM - simply because the topics of conversation can be very erotic, and I am a big flirt. I won't deny it. I love the power trip I get knowing that a man desires me. Ok...a HUGE flirt.

Lots of talk about honesty, and trust, and communication and such here, which is fine, but I don't think any of it is all that relevant.

If it were me, the core issue would be fairness. The part I've excerpted is where it gets "sticky", right? I'm guessing your partner isn't deluged with potential partners asking him to engage in erotic flirtation -- either with or without your knowledge. Your permission for him to do so doesn't mean much if he can't capitalize on it. He probably perceives that it's unfair that you get to taste of this forbidden fruit, but he does not.

Now, things are complicated, because you have a D/s relationship, and by definition there is a dynamic of unfairness built-in (or at least it's a negotiable groundrule, right?) But, as the song says, people are people...

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