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tsatske -> RE: Doms interacting with other Doms (5/21/2008 12:38:14 PM)
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quote:
I think you're confusing a sexual orientation with a set of personality traits that have nothing to with sexuality. There are (sexually) submissive guys who run around large and in charge all day, and there are quiet guys who get all hot and bothered at the idea of having a woman be their groveling slave. There is no correlation between our sexuality and our personality.
This is much more true than many people think.
My father acts very alpha in social situations. He makes comments about 'what real men do.' He carries a knife, which he brandishes often, which is, according to jokes he makes about himself, somewhat larger than anything else he might be carrying. He is not an asshole, and he gets along with most people. but most people would place him as being 'alpha' or 'dominant'.
He thinks this way about himself. He is, however, one of the most intrinsically submissive men i've ever met. He balanced this clash between his vision of himself and his real self by marrying a woman who sees herself as submissive (not A submissive, but a submissive Christian wife), but, who, in fact, is very dominant and willing to be in charge in their marriage. as long as it works for them, it is all good.
On the other hand, most of the Dominant men i have served or have become good friends with have quiet personalities. they are sure of themselves, they don't need to 'put it out there'. After the first time we played at a party with our Munch group. one of the Doms - one who is loud and brash and very outwardly 'Dom', who regularly (jokingly) threatens new subbies that are coming around, said about Master, 'it's always the quiet ones.' yep.
Master's Dominance is very real. He does not have to shout it from the rafters. He is not worried about what others think of him, neither is he trying to get others to shrink from him to prove to him that he is dominant. He gets along very well in social situations.
My family likes him. My family also liked my last Master, who was also a quiet, polite, intelligent, well spoken man who didn't try to Dom random people around him. I pointed out to my exmaster once that it said a lot about him that my family liked him - my family is fundamentalist. My last Master was an ethnically Jewish Athirst. I am out to my family - so if you come through the door with me on Thanksgiving door, they already know that you hit me. if they like you anyway, that probably says something good about you. (and also about my taste in men. I don't date assholes.)
That is actually, possibly, part of the problem. New subs often have not learned to tell the difference between the asshole factor, and the quiet, real dominance. I have a theory that that issue carries over to vailllas. I think many abused women - esp those who chose one abuser after another - are submissive women, and don't know it. They have not learned to get their need to be dominated met from someone who is kind, tender, loving, respectful, caring, and an all around good guy. Just a theory, though.
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