RE: "time out" for a dom or Master

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/16/2008 8:04:48 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mmsprecious

have any Masters had need to take a time out...from either a scene or just in general as an owner of a slave? Masters are human like everyone else, but it seems they put great pressure on themselves to perform to a certain standard. if you miss the goal, do you beat yourself up over it? think it over and move on? take a time out and start all over? i'd like any input please. thank you
precious

I could have swore I answered this...

No, I don't take time out. This is who I am.

Yes, I sometimes beat myself up for the mistakes I make. But, I try to be compassionate with myself just as I try to be compassionate with others.

I sometimes start from scratch if I see the situation warrents it.

Master Fire

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/16/2008 9:44:22 PM

DarkVictory

Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mmsprecious

have any Masters had need to take a time out...from either a scene or just in general as an owner of a slave? Masters are human like everyone else, but it seems they put great pressure on themselves to perform to a certain standard. if you miss the goal, do you beat yourself up over it? think it over and move on? take a time out and start all over? i'd like any input please. thank you
precious

My experience has been that if you have to take a break from your D/s or M/s relationship, there's something wrong. More specifically, its likely that you're playing a role of Master or Owner or Dom/me as opposed to simply and fully being yourself. If you're being fully self-expressed, and the dominance is a genuine natural expression of that, then what could there possibly be to take a break from?

Even so, people change gears, like a car. Sometimes you're racing along, the D/s being full on, out there and powerful, with no question. Other times you're in first gear, navigating tight corners and rocky terrain. It's still there, still being expressed but more slowly, and more carefully.

If you have to think about 'trying' to be dominant, you're doing it wrong. The hottest scenes, the longest lasting relationships come about when you can relax, be at home being a fucking insane pervert, and just let life happen.

Your mileage may vary.

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/16/2008 9:57:05 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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When a former slave left me (Big Drama) I took a break from active play because I was afraid some poor guy was going to trip my trigger inadvertantly and bear the brunt of some misdirected rage. I never take out anger on anyone, especially not physically, but I didn't want to take the chance that I would lose it and hurt someone. I still went out socially, just never played.

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 1:07:45 AM

bruisedpetals

Posts: 24
Joined: 4/17/2008
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Not a Master ... but! ... I think it could be the time of year, my Master has been on down-time for a short while, and as much as I realise he needs this, it leaves this sub feeling adrift. I mean how does one go from existing under his intense gaze to a scaled down version? The problem with me is that when this happens, I do not react by begging for his attention, I get tempted to go on the 'wander' .. :(

< Message edited by bruisedpetals -- 4/17/2008 1:10:32 AM >

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 1:36:28 AM

Leatherist

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By having some values.

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 1:42:13 AM

bruisedpetals

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

By having some values.

very wise and sobering answer!

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 7:23:28 AM

epiphany

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
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We don't take a break from our relationship dynamic, but we may go through periods of time where we don't scene as much.

We have taken a step back from the local community. Actually, we stepped back for so long that it has changed from everyone knowing who I am, to only a handful knowing me. It's a weird feeling!

We really just don't feel the need to be as "visable" as I once was. We enjoy focusing primarily on our relationship and hanging out with a small circle of close friends, just not into the crowd scene in our older years I guess.

epiphany

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 4:17:56 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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I don`t know if it was a time out or...I tried to walk away from ...the *lifestyle* <for lack of better word> I talked to a master in NC at a munch one time and he told me how at one point he threw every toy he owned but one away..he was done, and...there he was again...standing before me at a munch...back.

His words haunted me one day as I opened my trunk and started throwing away almost everything I had and owned, some of the *stuff* were things I had spenat many hours making, some were bought and expensive...his words rang in my head while I did it..

It was all replacable...except for the memories of the few they were shared with. Those are deep...bonds.

How does one walk away from who and what they are is what I learned, and a painfull learning it...was, in time.

I have no regrets for those actions at the time.

I have never been one to go from one relationship to another without some much needed time inbetween, I for some reason need to to process it...*all*.

So yes, when a relationship ends...I tend to be hard on myself.... Its a great responsability to own someone.

The last girl I released 6 months ago will never understand why, until time has past, that it was for her own good. It was not a decision that was to and for my benefit, thats for...sure.

A great question...one I pondered on even answering...

There are times you just have to expose pieces of yourself and this was one of those...times.

Good luck to you.

D

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/17/2008 4:45:50 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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When Daddy and I were still in the nilla stage of our relationship, we had been talking about BDSM and I was very eager to learn. He went so slowly that I think I was ready to scream. I asked why He wasn't proceeding after I had shown such interest and He told me that He knew from past experience that this lifestyle was a Pandora's Box for Him... one that He loved very much, but had shelved when a past gf realized that she wanted nothing to do with it after opening the Box. It left Him feeling less than complete and their relationship suffered ultimately, and He didn't want a repeat performance with me. I think now, that it was wise for Him to wait and see if it was something I "took" to before jumping in. Our nilla relationship was full of D/s dynamics, even though no one else, maybe not even me, seemed to know it. He made sure that I knew that He was the "in charge" person, that He would have the final say in most things, and He tested out my self-proclaimed love for kinky sexual activities. Once He was satisfied that I was "into it" for real, then we proceeded with care.

Sometimes life gets in the way and playing doesn't get the same amount of time as it once did, but for the most part, we keep things active, just maybe on a low boil when necessary.

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/19/2008 5:50:45 AM

fun1212

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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I have never timed out, This is who I am. Sometimes it spills into the Vanilla, and I make people feel uneasy I guess. This is who I am in control 365 love it or leave it. I know of other who play Dom and are regular type personality the rest of the time so they may need a time out to catch up to themselves.

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/19/2008 9:23:47 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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i'm a submissive..it's just that simple. My former Master was always Master. i knew what he expected in our life together, and i always did my best to take care of those things, whether it was doing the taxes, deciding what to have for dinner or what clothes i wore. Lots of time there was no "active" D/s going on that others might have picked up because it's just the way we lived. There were also times he fixed me a bubble bath, fix dinner, pay the bills -- to give me a break from my everyday life. Our D/s dynamic just was -- no matter what else was going on.

I've now been unowned longer than i was ever owned. There's very little "active" submissive activity in my life, but that doesn't make me less a submissive, imho anyway.

Cheers,
jimini

< Message edited by krikket -- 4/19/2008 9:24:42 AM >

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/19/2008 6:25:03 PM

MasterSteel007

Posts: 54
Joined: 2/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's doing taxes. Trust me he is not thinking about anything fun. And when he finishes, he's going to take two Tylenol PM and sleep for 10plus hours.

HR BLOCK?

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RE: "time out" for a dom or Master - 4/21/2008 10:21:52 PM

WhiteFox77

Posts: 66
Joined: 4/21/2008
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Making all the decisions for ones own life can be hard enough at times. Making all the decisions for an entire family. While holding down a full time job, and managing a new submisives training, it can be very tireing at times. More than once recently I've cought myself asking the universe "Isn't there one other bloody person around here that can make a decision?" Everyone needs a some time now and again when they can sit back relax, and not think about their resposabilities.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

I have friends who have said they are taking a hiatus from the scene. They’re not going to clubs, etc; are spending time at home and enjoying other outside activities.

Still, they are a D/s couple. In the same way one cannot take ‘time out’ from being a spouse or parent…exactly how does one take time out from being an owner or a submissive?

In my life, this is just part of my personality; how I AM. Perhaps I might find taking a restful weekend at home a good thing, had I been attending a bunch of activities; classes, parties, demos, vacations…whatever. Still…I would hardly consider this respite taking time out from being whom or what I am. Perhaps a rest is just a rest…and nothing more.

MsB

So you never higher a baby sitter and go out for an evening? Many people refer to that as "taking a break from the kids". It doesn't mean your not a parrent any more, just that at the moment, your resposabilities as a parrent aren't what you are focused on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

How he takes a break isn't by suddenly announcing the rules aren't there any more. He takes a break from making decisions that he normally does make. He allows me to decide what's for dinner and to ask him to grill, instead of his usual announcing that he feels like grilling so go get some burgers. He lets me pick the restaurant and doesn't even specify if it's one that serves alcohol or not. If he really needs a break, he has me drive.

That's how it is for me. Some times I'm the one that needs to be taken care of. It doesn't mean she gets to take her collar off, or that the rules don't apply. In fact the apply even more so because she knows that if I have to enforce dysciply when feeling that way that I'll be very disapointed in her. I assume it's very stressful for her because she has to not only be on her best behavior, but make decisions that she isn't always comfortable making. But she also appreciates that I trust her enough to do it once in a while.

I have given her breaks as well. I've given her evenings where the only instructions are "don't worry about the rules, be resposable and enjoy yourself". I will say that this is pretty rare.

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