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What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 5:52:59 AM

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On the question of collars... I was interested on peoples thoughts. I have no Master, but still love the feeling a collar around my neck. I enjoy seeing collars worn by others, leashed, restraining etc... I think (personally) that its a beautiful sight to see. But I am interested on the meaning and presence of collars to others.

Is it like Your wedding ring?
(I do realise some Couples have a ring or even bracelett at a collar... but I am kinda being specific so by collar i do mean One worn around the neck)

Is it a symbol of BDSM?

Is it a expression of ownership?

Is it something that is a desire to feel around ones thoat?

Or is it 'just a showpiece', with no particular binding or symbolism and not even relevant???

I am not asking if theres a right collar or a wrong one(I believe everyone is unique)... but more interested in peoples perceptions of what a collar means to them & how it interacts with their chosen philosophy. (If there is a previous thread on something like this, then please forgive me asking, as I havent seen one).

Thank You for taking the time to read this.

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 6:34:25 AM

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Historically...a collar is a symbol of ownership. I have also seen and heard of training collars, play collars, and slave collars. The only places I have ever heard of this "collar of protection" or "Collar of consideration" has been in chat and in books.

For some people, the collar is like a wedding ring. For some, it is far more than that. Think about some of the married people you know who venture into BDSM. Wether they are getting involved with the concent of the spouse or not... are they placing one set of values over another? (ie, a choice for this lifestyle, ownership, etc over the vows taken at their wedding)

Is a collar a symbol of BDSM? Not really....although it does make finding other like minded people much easier.

Many wear a collar as a showpiece. I know a few femdoms that wear collars, simply because they look sexy. How many people have you seen wearing collars within the nilla world?

For me and my relationships, a collar in itself is meaningless. Its a piece of steel and leather. I use a collar around my slaves neck to identify her as being owned...marking my territory so that other dominants know to keep their mitts off. I use the collar around my slaves neck for play. There is no significant attatchment for either of us to the collar around her neck.

The collar that my slave and I identify with, is the one around her heart. (I know...it sounds sappy as hell...bugger off.) That is where we have our connection. That connection is my powerbase.

Hope some of this was useful to you.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 7:55:06 AM

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I know of a newbie who wear her collar to munches because she love the way it feels on her. If you like the way it feels and you attend local munches I do not see a problem of wearing one until you find your true master. Of course if you wear one then how can a Dominate knows you are free and they can approach you to open up dialogue with you?

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 8:00:13 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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From: Rochester, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel
I am not asking if theres a right collar or a wrong one(I believe everyone is unique)... but more interested in peoples perceptions of what a collar means to them & how it interacts with their chosen philosophy.

As I don't think you are looking for a definition or the history of collars, I will give you my own take on them.

A collar means no more and no less than what I say it does when I place it on my slave's neck. If we negotiate that a collar is a sign of ownership and must always be proudly displayed, then that is what it means. If we negotiate and decided that it means nothing more than a pretty decoration, that is what it means.

Being rather fashion conscious, not all outfits and occasions are suitable for a collar. The neck line of a beautiful gown with generous decollete might be ruined by a stright collar that cuts across the neck. Aesthetics, at times, can be more important than symbolism.

I get a kick out of those who claim a collar is more meaningful than a wedding band. It is there right to think so, but I know a couple who has been married for 50 years and I don't know (personally) any collar more meaningful than their rings. I think it was SherriA who said it, but if you are wired for this, then a collar might have more meaning to you, but those who are simply wired for love the 'nilla way have their own meanings and symbols and they can not be discounted.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 8:54:46 AM

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You have received some very good responses already but will just add a little something from my own perspective.

To me the collar is a symbol, just as a wedding ring is. To me, it is the collar around the heart that has far more strength. Having said that though, i do enjoy wearing a collar for the physical feeling and reminder of ownership and who i am.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 9:03:44 AM

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From: Burlington, Ontario
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A collar can be a fashion statement, I see folks much younger than me wearing them with no BDSM inference.
In my lil corner I have levels of collar:
Play(only used for an evening or during scene)
Training & Protection (what it says, can be for however long it is needed)
Consideration (Indicating that participants are exploring & learning about each other, should it not work out, parting is amicable)
Intent (Indicating a mutual decision to commit to each other and is just a matter of time before they take the next step)
Full collar (Like a wedding band is meant to be forever, not given or taken lightly, usually done in ceremony with friends and family)

These are my definitions, they are not the right way for anyone but me & my chosen one. Depending on circumstances, I might skip the Intent collar. So far I have not gotten past Consideration.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 9:08:57 AM

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This is one of those questions that, unless what you are really looking for is a smorgassboard of answers from which you can pick one that you like, is pretty much a waste of bandwidth becaue the answers will be so diverse. I'll assume that you are looking for diverse answers and throw my two pence in.

In my little corner of the world, a collar means that the wearer is a slave. Nothing more, nothing less. Slavery in the sub-culture to which I belong is as close to a pure meritocracy as you'll ever find. Slaves are prized property, and are valued according to the qualities and skills that they posess. While you'll hear some folks around here talking about how submission is inherantly a precious gift, I have never found it to be so. The submission of someone with little to recommend them is worth little.

So, the beautiful, enticing, charming, vivacious, sweet smelling, sensual dancing slut is a slave, but so is a woman in the kitchen scrubbing pots that is as homely as dirt and as mean as a snake and is kept by her master for reasons only fathomable to him. Both slaves, but of very different percieved value. There was another thread on this board where we discussed a slave that was "for sale". It is not unusual for a slave in the culture that I speak of to change hands. It is not considered shameful or even unusual that a slave might pass through several hands before she arrives at the feet of a master that appreciates some quality in her, or just as likely, brings out a quality in her that her previous masters did not.

So, from where I sit, the collar is simply a social convention that proclaims the status of the wearer. As with just about any wrapper, it's what's inside that matters. The usual caveat applies. What I have said here applies to a specific sub-culture. I didn't mean it, and it should not be taken, as representative of "mainstream" BDSM.

Take care of yourselves.

Leonidas

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 9:16:16 AM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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To me a collar has nothing to do with romance or marriage. It's purely ownership and it's really sexy to have your man of choice wear a collar. I like playing with it, jerking on it, making sure he knows it's there. So far I've only done it once.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Leonidas)

RE: What is a Collar? - 7/20/2004 11:39:09 AM

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Angel,
I must say, I agree with no one on the subject of collars. Then again I don't expect to either. We are all different individuals with different ideas.
I'll throw in my two cents on what a collar is to me.
For me a collar is a symbol of our relationship. It is more binding than a wedding ring. The absolute only thing that can break the bond is death by one of the parties. I've been with my Dom for 5 1/ years now. I've yet to receive a collar.
We do however own a play collar we use. The operative word there meaning play. It means little to nothing other than the fact he can lead me around by it.
My views are my own and my partners. I don't expect people to agree.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

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