why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (Full Version)

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chyanna -> why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:09:47 AM)

For the first time in my life even before BDSM I have been truely happy.  I have gotten over all my fears and phobias thanks to my Master.
This morning at midnight i was rung by my mentors husband let me explain, i have RRMS relapsing remitting MS which is really starting to show itself in my memory, shakes, general mobility but i still enjoy sessions although sometimes it may be interuppted by painful spasms but Master helps me take the medication and will massage where it hurts He is just damn wonderful
The phone call was too tell me that my mentor Sarah aged 41 had passed away....after the initial shock and a chat to Ian her husband on the phone......i sat back and suddenly my mortality smacked me in the face, im 36 nearly two kids aged 12 and 14 i can feel my ms a tiny bit more in one way or another on a weekly basis.....I will be damned if i accept the wheelchair i may walk bad because its painful but if i get in one.......i wont get out. dont get me wrong im a fighter but still Sarahs death has hit me hard
Are these feelings for myself and my mortality selfish or is it normal of course i am mourning the loss of Sarah but i am now also scared about my future.



Level -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:15:25 AM)

No, those feelings are not selfish. They're normal. Be strong as you can, and fill your life with love, and do your best.



Rule -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:17:19 AM)

I am sorry for your loss. May the God of the Dead reincarnate her according to her merits.
 
Courage. Be strong. Exercise. Avoid sweets. If you have got rabbits get rid of them.



MissMorrigan -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:20:20 AM)

Chyanna, you've had a nasty shock. Someone you are very close with has just passed away and with that, you are still yet to begin her mourning. There's no selfishness involved in this, it's a process of many levels and stages, one of which you are experiencing now - the realisation of your mortality. You have my sincere sympathies on the death of your friend and mentor. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the right to grieve as you see fit and in your own time, however long that may be.

Keep your strength, strength of courage and determination, and allow those around you to keep loving you.



TJsCheekypet -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:26:32 AM)

im so sorry about your friend. {{hugs}}
 
 
i lost a dear friend of our family this past Monday, he had a small blister on his foot...gangreen set in he lost his leg 2 weeks ago then while asleep he died last monday at around midnight.
i know you are sad, even moreso when its unexpected, these times are to remind us nothing is forever especially life.
 
oh & i have Multiple Sclerosis & its a bitch....but life goes on.



MladyHathor -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:26:49 AM)

I think at some as we mature, something forces our own mortality to the forefront for a time---it is what it is, as Level and others said, fill your life as you have with love, joy peace and happiness---its the best cure for the "bogglies"--smiles and huge hugs.



sunshinemiss -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:31:22 AM)

Oh sweet Chyanna,
Such a loss. Of course you are touching into your own mortality.  That is very normal.  You are very brave to even let yourself feel and acknowledge what you have told us.  Mourning and grief come in waves, so be gentle with yourself.  Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, but get up every morning and choose one thing you will do everyday for 5 minutes - go outside, draw, journal, do a puzzle, something...  Just make yourself do that.  Keep your daily rituals as much as possible.  There is great comfort there.

This, from Khalil Gibran's The Prophet, may help...

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

May you remember the delight,
sunshine



chyanna -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:41:43 AM)

Thank You all so much, even this is wrote admist blurry eyes.  I seem to pull myself together because i am upsetting my kids especially my daughter i of course told her whats happened that "auntie Sarah" passed away during the night, but she cant stand to see her mum distraught, i am trying so so hard to put on the hard front and the mum she knows im searching deep into my heart and soul to be there help her with her homework when all i want to do is curl into a ball in bed and cry.  I shall of course keep the brave front going as long as possible for Amy (my daughter) but its getting harder by the hour. I wanted to share this with my BDSM community because now Sarah has gone i have no-one apart from Master.
chyanna (Zoe)



Rule -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:45:27 AM)

It is okay to cry. Indeed it is healthy, as being a part of the mourning process. Go ahead and cry.



Level -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:45:44 AM)

You need to cry, I think, though. Go in your room, bury your face in a pillow, and let it out. It'll make being strong for yourself, and your kids, a little easier.



Level -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:47:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

It is okay to cry. Indeed it is healthy, as being a part of the mourning process. Go ahead and cry.


Holy toledo, Zoe, you've gotten me and Rule to agree on something! See, you  bring alot to the world [:D]



chyanna -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 4:56:40 AM)

that brought a brief smile on my face there Level ty for that.  I just feel so so lost atm



Level -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 5:03:55 AM)

I know you do, sweetie, I know.
 
It all works out. We can't always see that, and it's scary, and infuriating.



hejira92 -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 5:07:10 AM)

I am so sorry. I agree with what so many others here have said- you just have to let grief be; in comes on its own pace. It never really ends, just fades with time.
 
I understand about facing one's own mortality. When my children's father died less than a year ago (we had been married 18 yrs, divorced for 18 months), I had to deal with similar issues (coupled with the vulnerability of being their only parent).
 
Don't be afraid of delving into what you are feeling, but remember that you will feel better eventually and the colors will come back to the world.
 
I'm sending many positive thoughts and blessings.



chyanna -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 5:28:07 AM)

A/all i am  truely sorry if this posting of mine is upsetting or bringing back painful memories to any of Y/you
I just knew i would find some sort of i dont know kinship in the place where i feel at home
wish Master wasnt 212 miles away...But i will be with Him again soon.  He is only a phone call away.
love Y/you A/all for Y/your support
Zoe



sirsholly -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 5:28:57 AM)

i am on drugs right now, sho i hope this makes sense.

I believe that never in this life does a bad thing happen without something good coming as i result.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. You saud you are scared. This will benefit you in the long run if you allow it. You are now dealing with your mortality...allow that fear to motivate you. Life ends in a heartbeat. Do you have a habit of driving to the local store without a seatbelt cause it's only a few blocks away? Let this fear change that habit. DO you sometimes miss the chance to say i love you? Let this fear cause you to never miss the chance again. Allow it to motivate you to make the most of TODAY.
Todat is all amy of us have.



Level -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 5:37:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

i am on drugs right now, sho i hope this makes sense.


Well, come on, Bogart, hand'em over! [8D]

quote:

I believe that never in this life does a bad thing happen without something good coming as i result.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. You saud you are scared. This will benefit you in the long run if you allow it. You are now dealing with your mortality...allow that fear to motivate you. Life ends in a heartbeat. Do you have a habit of driving to the local store without a seatbelt cause it's only a few blocks away? Let this fear change that habit. DO you sometimes miss the chance to say i love you? Let this fear cause you to never miss the chance again. Allow it to motivate you to make the most of TODAY.
Todat is all amy of us have.



Well said, holly.



Shekicromaster -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 6:05:58 AM)

Well, no one likes having bad moments in life but in time these periods are more useful in a character-forming sense than the nice ones. Here you get face to face with reality and stop living in delusions. For our mortality and frailty of our lives, possessions, relationships etc is as much obvious as often denied.   I would say that the only way to be really happy or at least at peace and with a clear focus is to be self-reliant. That means to have an inner structure strong and mature enough not to allow any outer circumstances, good or bad (as it goes together) to affect it. As long as we associate our welfare and happiness with other people or material possessions etc sooner or later this we will get in trouble. If not before at least when we die everything is left behind. So this “troubles” are from another perspective not such a bad thing, it helps us to put things in a better and more realistic perspective. What does not kill you makes you stronger, isn’t it?



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 6:22:00 AM)

oh chyanna my sympathies to you on your loss.

but i think youre right on track with the mortality smacking you in the face....... i was about your age and lost a friend of mine and my mortality hit me like a mack truck.  it took me about 6 months to get it out of my head as an almost constant thought.

i didnt have any illness like you do, but after talking to others as i went through it, i think youre right on track with this change.

the only thing i can say is mourn the loss of her as much as you need to, and for as long. 

i came out of it wiser(i think-lol), and with a greater appreciation of everything around me, and a greater expectation of how short life was and it is meant to be enjoyed.  divorce soon followed, and now im the most content i have ever been.

there was an old saying, which i will probably butcher, and im not calling you a coward at all, but it went something like this....

a person afraid of dying dies many deaths, a person enjoying life only one.

good luck and again my sympathy to you on your loss.



bipolarber -> RE: why does life when you are happy smack you in the face? (4/20/2008 6:44:10 AM)

The reason life likes to smack you in the face is because you need that to happen! Otherwise you become complacent, and then you don't appreciate the time you actually have. As you said, your mentor dying has reminded you of your own mortality. (I lost my father two months ago, and went through the same thing.) But because of it, we all re-commit ourselves to living our lives the way we really want to... because we all know it's going to end one of these days, for each and every one of us.


A personal note:
As a bi man in Denver, I spent far too much time at the funerals of gay and bi friends. It got to the point where funeral parlors had more pick ups taking place than the bars did at times. (And I got deathly sick of the song "Over the Rainbow" since it seemed to be played at virtually all of them.) But, I came out of that with a new appreciation for life, and the things I've been lucky enough to witness in the interveneing years. Sometimes, I think the Greeks had the concept of the afterlife correct: all the good stuff happens here, and the afterlife is there to sit around and talk about it. (Although, I'm rooting for the Hindu sexual paradise, myself.)




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