sick of dominants?

sick of dominants? (Full Version)

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youngsubgeoff -> sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 6:20:43 AM)
For other subs: Do you ever get sick of dealing with dominants? Does theyre overall ego (and yes, its there) just ever get to the point where you want to start slapping all of them across the face? I know Im sick of most of them, because they cant see more than 3 feet in front of them. Theyre like selfish little children. Why do we do it then? Why do we give and give? Most of us KNOW that theyre not worth it. But still we try. Why? Whats the fucking point? Why do we need it so badly?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 6:31:35 AM)
need a hug this morning? am i sick of dominants? yes, especially one who don't own me ...the ones who send me lovely "on your knees, bitch and suck my cock" or "you're one ugly black heifer" or "keep me in mind when you're looking for a dominant again" messages. those are the ones i "ignore, block and delete" however i'm not sick of Daddy. He's not selfish and demanding. i can give freely all that i have and He in return gives back sometimes more than what i gave Him. yes, mine is worth it and i'm proud of being owned. cherished, loved etc by Him.

Maya2001 -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 6:37:11 AM)
errrr maybe because your choosing ones that are not compatible with you. I choose ones I can get along with and spend lots of time talking so I know what the expectations are before agreeing to submit and so I know if they are respectful of my feelings and are concerned for my happiness.

eyesopened -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 6:47:59 AM)
i have never submitted to anyone who i did not feel had authority over me. In other words, everyone i have submitted to was certainly worth it. Had i felt differently, i would have not submitted. Why you submit to those you clearly feel are not worth it, that you give and give, and that you see no point in it but need it so badly, is something you will need to resolve for yourself. reminds me of the sign: "If you need it bad you will get it bad and the worse you need it the worse you will get it."

youngsubgeoff -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 7:10:17 AM)
that seems to be thr trouble: I get to the point where I trust them enough to submit, then they change. They want things we never agreed on, trying to coerce me into them (one wanted to castrate me). Either that, or they stop listening. They stop showing that they like me as a person. They always want money, or they want a younger man to make themselves feel good. Never mind the fact that Im an actual human being with feelings, it seems that just because Im a sub, Im worthless. Understand, this is not over a few week period, this is over months, some Ive even known for years. I think Im really angry at myself, for putting so much of my heart into this. Im so sick of having to pick up the shreds afterwards. It just feels right, and my heart says "go for it". Why cant I find a good one, and they actually be a good dominant? Why do I have to dive in head first all the time? I cant submit without my heart being in it.

chloe2006 -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 7:41:28 AM)
Is it possible that either your being attracted by people just not suitable for you or people that arent so much Dominant as bullies that are using the title Dominant as a justification for acting as a bully? or that as in my case, i was finding fault to give myself the justification to run away when i got close and scared i might fail?... just a thought as it was only recently pointed out to me my 'pattern' of behaviour and i was forced to take a hard look at myself... I just feel very lucky i found someone who could see what i was doing and having helped me work it out now helping me accept what i needed all along. The consequence being i feel far more settled even if i do still have the odd wobble

DesFIP -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:17:09 AM)
If you keep picking people who are bad for you, who treat you as though you're worthless, then you need to discover why you feel that this is the sort of treatment you deserve. You need to improve your self worth and your ability to screen people. Remember, the only constant in all your relationships is you.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:36:40 AM)
I'm not sick of dealing with dominants because I haven't met a real one, yet. What I am sick of is trying to find a needle in a haystack. It's the same here as it is out there, only a tad more dangerous. I'm sick of posers who don't live up to their own standards of honesty and trust and who try to put all the blame on me for being insecure, yet totally overlook the fact that their insecurity caused them to be dishonest and mistrustful in the first place. I'm sick of people who think they want to own someone, yet won't take any responsibility for the care and maintenance of owning said person. You'll be a lot happier when you realize that you don't really need them. Once you do, you'll be much slower in wanting to please the next one, which will give you time to decide if they're worth it.

slaveluci -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:45:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff For other subs: Do you ever get sick of dealing with dominants? Does theyre overall ego (and yes, its there) just ever get to the point where you want to start slapping all of them across the face? As far as some of the "dominants" found here online, definitely! Big egos, little sense and all that jazz. Just reading the posts from some of them makes me cringe and fall down at my own Master's feet and praise Him all the more[:)]. quote: I know Im sick of most of them, because they cant see more than 3 feet in front of them. Theyre like selfish little children. Again, agreed about many seen here but not my own[;)] quote: Why do we do it then? Why do we give and give? Because one of the good Ones found me and it's worth everything I give and much more. quote: Most of us KNOW that theyre not worth it. But still we try. Why? Whats the fucking point? The point, at least for me, was that I knew eventually the right Man would come along. I wasn't seeking a dom or master insomuch as just a person perfectly compatible with and perfect for me. When I least expected it, there He was. It was worth all the waiting. quote: Why do we need it so badly? Well, we all need different things some to a worse degree than others. Sometimes I think when the search for someone becomes almost desperate and one begins to fear they aren't ever going to find "the One," that's when we begin to settle for whatever comes along that looks like it just might work. Bad, bad idea of course. Don't be so frustrated. Slow down, go about living your life happily without another and that's when that special someone usually walks right into your life. Corny but true (at least for Master and I)[:)]...................luci

DominantEngineer -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:56:48 AM)
I agree with chloe, you are not getting real Doms but rather insecure bullies. I wish I could offer you more advice but the situations you have been in, for some reason, don't supprise me. But I share in your fustrations in finding a real partner. I tend to be patient and willing to invest the time but I keep getting burned. They either stop responding to emails/chats or stand me up for our first face to face.

sblady -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:59:05 AM)
I'm not yet sick of dominants....perhaps it's because I'm relatively new and met my Sir before I even knew what I was seeking. I rarely receive the "bow down and suck my c_ _ _" messages and when I do, I'm quite amused. Sometimes I even send a response. No, I don't blast them, but I hope my reply will make them feel like the idiots they are. As someone stated in another thread "it's like searching for a needle in a haystack". I know it's easier said than done but "don't let them stress you" especially as you're seeking a Dominant. They are not worth the emotional energy. Good luck and take care....

Hippiekinkster -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 8:59:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead I'm not sick of dealing with dominants because I haven't met a real one, yet. What I am sick of is trying to find a needle in a haystack. It's the same here as it is out there, only a tad more dangerous. I'm sick of posers who don't live up to their own standards of honesty and trust and who try to put all the blame on me for being insecure, yet totally overlook the fact that their insecurity caused them to be dishonest and mistrustful in the first place. I'm sick of people who think they want to own someone, yet won't take any responsibility for the care and maintenance of owning said person. You'll be a lot happier when you realize that you don't really need them. Once you do, you'll be much slower in wanting to please the next one, which will give you time to decide if they're worth it. I'm a poser. My theme song is McDonna's "Strike the Pose". I don't even eat whole sides of beef for dinner like real diminants do. I SO don't have my life together. I live in a very nice cardboard box down by GA Tech. It's nice, I can walk to that hot dog place on Ponce. I can borrow peoples laptops and post here. It's not San Diego, but it's OK for posers like me.

amuzingtoyou -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 9:07:08 AM)
We have to remember that dominants are people. They are open to the same failings athat any of us are. I think what happens is that many people enjoy the chase. But once the prize is won, they quickly grow bored. I have seen this time and time again. Also with many dominants come big egos. There is an idea of I want what I want, no matter how it might affect the other partner. Now I know I am generalizing here, not every dominant is like that. Being dominant is not easy. Being self assured and in control is not easy. They are human after all, and yes due to failures just like anyone else. To the one who said she hasn't found a true dominant yet, I am not quite sure what was meant by that. I personally do not believe in "true" dominance or "true" submission. It's more finding the person who meets what you are looking for. True signifies that there is only one way to do things. There is no right or wrong in this..just what works for you. To the OP, I am sorry that you haven't found what you are looking for, but don't give up hope. Its just a matter of keep trying, and becomming better about picking your choices. Good luck

SteelofUtah -> Sick of the complaints. (4/20/2008 9:26:03 AM)
Fair Warning I am Agitated this morning and that may reflect in this post Okay, I have some comments. Since when is a relationship between two people supposed to be Easy? BDSM has to be one of the HARDEST things to get involved in if you ACTUALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP. If I just wanted pussy I have had so many offers that my wife was afraid that I was going to start bringing home strays. Truth be told "A peice of ass is easy to come by, Peace of Mind is hard to find." Lets get something straight. The INTERNET does NOT a relationship make, what it does is PROLONG the Getting to know you phase because once you actually DO meet you STILL have to GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER. So lets call the Net what it is, The next evolution in further seperating us from having to open up. On the net anyone can be anyone they want. You can be the BIG BRAVE Chest Thumper "Obey Me girl" Huge Nut Sack Uber DOM. So Dominant that all the letters are capitalized when in reality you are a 30 something, lower middle class nobody who still lives with his parents and managed to never quite get over puberty or at very least Acne. you can be the Tempting Seductress with the Huge Tits and the small waist and the Long Flowing Hair and a Pussy that the Knights Templar once mistook for the Holy Grail, when in reality your Tits are only huge because you are 250 pounds OVER WEIGHT and they can touch the ground if you bend over slighly and the long flowing Hair Stays on a Manniquin Head so you don't crush the curls while you sleep. The subs often have a HUGE CHIP on thier shoulder which was usually put there by a Dominant with a Larger Chip on thier shoulder. No one Trusts ANYONE and because of this everyone puts up these HUGE walls. People have learned that New often means Stupid and so they are easy prey for the "I am Master, I am Lord, obey me and let me get some nude pictures of you Masturbating with a Loaded Shot Gun." and the SAD thing is IT WORKS AT LEAST ONCE Because if it didn't then they wouldn't keep trying. You get girls who have NEVER done ANY of the things they say they want and so often when they find someone to do them they realize that Fantasy and Reality RARELY MIX WELL and when they do it still doesn't always match up expectation wise. So To address the OP...... Guess what? You are FAR from alone, but getting upset about it and pinning your own stupid mistakes on EVERY DOM just makes those that ARE worth a damn see you as damaged good and NOT WORTH THE EFFORT. Why? Well look if someone has to break down your defenses, Just to then have to convince you that they are different, to then have to deal with you still not trusting them untill you get over your resentments of other Dom's...... Guess what, I'm gunna find someone who actually WANTS to give it a shot rather than someone who wants a full Dossier on your full history in BDSM and then wants to find a reason why NOT to trust you rather than looking at the reasons tou trust you. Just NOT worth my time. I am sure that these submissives could be AWESOME girls, might even make the BEST submissive ever, But you know life is too short to deal with someones irrational mistrust of me because of something someone else did. So here's the deal before you get all attached and Devoted. SPEND A WEEK WITH THEM. I mean a FULL WEEK, and see if there is fire. No fire, No flame, no future. NUFF SAID. I Move quickly so trust me this has been the GREAT equalizer. Either they are willing to visit within the first 3 months, and willing to spend a WEEK together within the first 6 to 9 months, and willing to do it again before the Year (One goes one time the other goes the other time). Now I know MANY people who didn't do it this way and it still worked...... GREAT for you ..... Me this is how I do it and if you aren't willing then I guess we just aren't compatible, because trust me the person who is right for ME will see why this is important and why it is necesary. Okay I have bitched and pissed and moan'd long enough. OP don't blame every Dom for the actions of am Online Few. As Always Steel

MladyHathor -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 9:33:31 AM)
*uh oh, did someone get told No?*

crouchingtigress -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 10:31:55 AM)
wow steel....need a hug this am?[:)] no i am not sick of dominants, some are indeed blow hards, and "uber nut sacks" but many are simply doing the best they can with what they got. and what they got is you. you are 50 percent of any relationship you get into. you made the choice of bringing him/them into your life, you brought half of the communication, intimacy and transperancy skills to the table. right? see where i am going here? so many subs come to the place you are at, and forget that they had a part to play: were you clear with your needs and desires? were you clear with your expections? did you live up to your end (ie obey, honor, fuck)? did you ignor red flags? did you invest in getting to know who he was outside of your dynamic? some doms are dicks...but the vast majority IMO are nice folks that are seeking what you are....and just as confused about how to make this type of dynaic work as you are.

softness -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 10:45:27 AM)
No but I am sick of everyone with the complaining and the Moan McWinge that is going on. If they are annoying ... tell them and support them changing ... or leave And in defense of Dominants .. try this on for size .. submissives moan , complain and refuse to accept responsibility for their own choices, actions or desires, they seek protection from the world they dont want to confront, they want to be weak and helpless and sectioned off from everyone else, they need to be supported and guided and molly coddled by someone else because they cant be bothered to survive alone, they are passive aggressive and needy, they are negatively self serving, they only submit to things they want to do or things they like to do, actual submission is a no no. anybody who finds what i just said as offensive .. should find the OP just as offensive .. because it is the same ignorant blanket statement approach as used above.

OsideGirl -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 11:05:17 AM)
For years (more than a decade, I'm sad to say) I've repeated over and over again.....there's a difference between "domineering" and "dominant". Domineering- inclined to rule arbitrarily or despotically; overbearing; tyrannical Dominant - 1. ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence: dominant in the chain of command. 2. occupying or being in a commanding or elevated position. I would say the majority of "Dominants" who are seeking are domineering, not dominant. They're in this life because it strokes their ego if they're insecure, it makes them feel like they have control when they don't in the rest of their lives, it's a place to put their anger and demean the someone else for all their past wrongs. People who are truly dominant or alpha, rarely have the need to bully and ride rough shod over others. (whether they're in this life or not) They're the people that people unconsciously give way to and defer to. So honestly, if you get someone that behaves in a domineering manner, be thankful that they've shown their true colors early and move onto the next person.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 12:12:02 PM)
LOL At least you're telling me all this up front. I don't think we'd be a good match since I love Athens (go bulldawgs!), and I'm partial to beef but not hotdogs. See, that was so much easier than hearing, "Scening with you was fun. By the way, I'm sorry I've been leading you on for weeks, but I'm really interested in this other sub. We plan to be together once her divorce is final." Or the control freak who requested that I not discuss "us" with my friends because he's a "private" person and that I not discuss "serious" issues via email or text but only in person when I see him every other weekend. By the way, he just wanted to relax on weekends and not discuss serious business, so I was told to let him know in advance that there was something to discuss so he could decide if he had time for it while I was there.....rme Oh, or the one who after 2-3 times playing with him said it was my turn to tie him up and shove things up his ass when I hadn't identified as being interested in any such.... Uh-huh. I'm sick of reading insinuations that it's the OP's or my fault for making poor choices when it took months to discover the truth....after being selective, honest and up front about what I wanted. I'll take responsibility for any and all wrongdoing on my part, i.e. I guess it's my bad for believing a word anyone says. Yet, if I put up too many walls to defend myself, I'm too much trouble. SHEEEEEEESH You're damned if you do and damned if you don't! End of rant. Must be gettin' on toward that time of the month....

youngsubgeoff -> RE: sick of dominants? (4/20/2008 1:13:37 PM)
FRH, its the dominant ego I spoke of earlier. Somehow, its always the subs fault. It cant be the dom/me's fault, cause theyre fucking perfect. Fuck your power trip.

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