RE: "I'm Not a Doormat"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat"

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 4:53:23 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

When someone says that they are not a doormat, I hear warning bells chiming in the distance. This assertion often seems paired with pain or resistance around submitting that this is going to get worked out on me as a dominant. Uh oh.

I interpret this statement to mean, variously:

I feel conflicted or guilty about submitting.
I don't feel good about myself as a person.
I want to be forced. I am a "brat."
I have been hurt (perhaps many times) by dominants in the past, and you are going to have to prove you are not like them.

I've always been puzzled by the "doormat" statement because I don't see (good) submissives as doormats -- it's a non-issue for me. When someone says this about himself, it's an indication that we see D/s in very different, perhaps incompatible, ways.

My sweet spot is a man who is a vibrant, interesting person who also wants to ... (fill in filthy-delicious acts here). When this man describes himself and who he is looking for in his narrative, there's no reason to say he isn't a doormat, because it's very clear to me.

MSS

Hi Ma`am, would a submissive stating " I am a doormat" be more appealing. Somehow i doubt it.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 7:14:02 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

No, it wouldn't be more appealing, but that's clear in my post. I feel like I inadvertently pushed your buttons. Could you unpack your question and let me know what you were really asking?

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Politesub53)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 7:21:07 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I think I want a doormat...

Well, not to the whole world, but to me. It would be a fun exercise to order someone to disagree with me or challenge me now and then. Maybe doormat that can also trip me now and then?

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 8:21:11 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

I think I want a doormat... Well, not to the whole world, but to me. It would be a fun exercise to order someone to disagree with me or challenge me now and then. Maybe doormat that can also trip me now and then?

ok..but NO stepping on my bewbies!!!

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 9:12:12 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Just a little...awww come on....

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 9:28:43 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

Dang, have to say a light bulb just went on. Come to think of it, it does echo true that the "no doormat" key has actually in experience meant passive/agressive resistance to actually submitting. Is the flip side of "oh, Godess, I'm not worthy" to which you can't help but say - thank you for not wasting my time - do come back when you are....

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 9:31:32 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

Just a little...awww come on....

nope...my bewbies were made for squeezing..not stepping on.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 10:02:54 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

what about biting? Can we bite em?

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 10:17:35 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

what about biting? Can we bite em?

of course..

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/21/2008 10:18:39 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Excellent..

I think I've hijacked my own thread...

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 1:38:26 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

No, it wouldn't be more appealing, but that's clear in my post. I feel like I inadvertently pushed your buttons. Could you unpack your question and let me know what you were really asking?

MSS

Hi again Ma`am, You didnt push any buttons, i failed to fully read Your post. For that, i apologise. Below is my previous thought on being a Doormat.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1161978/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 8:11:56 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

Here's something I've noticed, that I haven't seen discussed.

I've noticed many submissive men feel the need to point out in their profiles that they are "not doormats." This is often in reference to those "other submissives" who are. This seems to be a recurring theme in profile descriptions. I don't think I've ever once met a man I'd describe as a doormat, yet someone has issued a memo to many guys that all their competition somehow is. Is this just a male ego thing? A way to compete? Do men really think that they are unique in the fact that that are not a doormat? From the men I've spoken with, many seem to have the notion that they are rare for having a spine. Lots and lots of...rare...

Thoughts?

I see this as a direct response to a number of women who post on the boards that complain about men being doormats so much that a male submissive feels he has to go out of his way to negate these charges before they happen. It's a lot like people who use the term "passive aggressive" whenever they encounter someone who has emotions. After awhile, it becomes a conditioning response to avoid having to encounter this type of accusation that comes from people who use it way too often without any actual real merit.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 9:55:27 AM

UBERMUNSCHIST

Posts: 116
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bobipanti

I feel that no individual male or female wants to be treated as a "doormat ".

HAHAHAHA!

(in reply to bobipanti)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 10:00:11 AM

UBERMUNSCHIST

Posts: 116
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I have doormat. I love my doormat. He's very special. He likes to be walked on (trampled), humiliated, treated like dirt, never ever wants sex, has a foot fetish, loves watersports, lives for CBT... He's just awesome! Gets me all hot and wiggly just thinking of him.

Wonder if he's on line?

I'm the same way, I just haven't found anyone I can trust yet.

I think TexasMaam called it "Moral Masochism".

< Message edited by UBERMUNSCHIST -- 4/22/2008 10:05:37 AM >

_____________________________

I stand for ME.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 10:17:52 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

Ok, the next question is...how would you define a doormat?

For me "doormat" means the type of sub who blatantly kisses her dom's ass and endures any kind of treatment within the relationship because deep down her "submission" is motivated by fear of being alone.
Usually this type of low self-esteem submissive will cling to and dedicate themselves to a "Master" who is all too willing to exploit that type of weakness. This to me is dysfunctional and doormatish. I don't know how anyone else describes it, but that's what I see as a 'doormat'.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to khem)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/22/2008 2:03:23 PM

impossiblesub

Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

Possibly some are not aware of how they really want to be treated and thus use this phrase as a generalization.

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/22/2008 2:05:28 PM >

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/23/2008 5:01:32 PM

sheep

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

The "doormat" archetype (or pushover with low self esteem) is far more prevalent in the vanilla world then in the bdsm world I've found. And even male subs who start out as doormats "oh yes, whip me, beat me, take my credit card numbers" are usually flakes who either get weeded out of wise up quickly.

I like doormats. They are very useful devices. I live in a rainy climate and they're indispensable for keeping the front hallway clean. I have a bit of a shoe and boot fetish too, so I could definitely get into some hot, kinky doormat roleplay!

(in reply to impossiblesub)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" - 4/23/2008 6:37:45 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

sheep, after you sent that email I was trying to remember who you were... After reading that post I remember!

(in reply to sheep)

Profile

Post #: 58